Sadie Hawkins or "all I needed to learn about dating I learned from Buffy"

The first time I heard about Sadie Hawkins was while watching "I Only Have Eye for You". The episode, late in the season 2 of Buffy, has a little dance at the high school and the girls can invite their date (gasp!) there. I didn't know that this was a big thing (silly me) and that it was such a huge thing with the day date etc.. Then again, we didn't really have strict "go as a couple for prom" back where I went to high school, but rather you went as a bunch of girls/friends and then you had dinner where you were seated next to someone... ah well.

The episode also has one of those interesting (verbal) fights between a boy and a girl, but since it's all sppoky and ghosts (it's Buffy!) the original roles have been reversed and the "present day girl" says the boy lines and vice versa. And it is really well done. And it makes lots of sense and is intriguing to view.

And of course, it's one of those comments from Willow that makes it all... "you're still all he thinks about". Anyway, I'm just drifting off into my little happy Buffy land, it's been awhile but I might go home and take a little retake on the whole Sadie Hawkins concept.... since today is the 29th of Feb it made me remember the whole episode and the 'idea'.

Then again, if I am proposing to someone, I don't think I would do it on this day since I really think it is ok to propose any day of the year - regardless if you are a man or a woman. And that I am not really sure on the proposal thing either*. I might be called unromantic (pragmatic? just scared?) since last time I got a proposal   -that really sounded weird ^^ , probably should write - "when my then boy friend proposed to me" it was after I had told him that I knew I wanted to marry him so whenever he felt certain on what he wanted he could ask, and I would say yes.

Anyway, if you haven't seen the episode in a while; go see it again. If you haven't seen Buffy... well.. you've missed out :)

Happy Leap year day!

*There is an interesting podcast about the female proposal thingy here : "However, it also effectively functioned as a form of false empowerment for women and, by virtue of its exceptionalism, falling only once every four years, also served to reinforce traditional gender roles"

...sort of Antigone..or just fitting my stereotypical views of certain people?

It was mentioned over at a blog a few weeks back (I can't find which one it was, Scientopia? if you know the post, please post in the comment and I'll link it) where it was suggested to do the "Antigone" way in order to make the male legislators realise that they make rules about the female body etc...  And now I read this in the Huffington Post (one of the places online not behind a pay-wall). Not that I think he sounds that charming, considering he is making a joke about a few things that may or may not be funny at all... but for the humour at laughing at him (sorry, but he sounds a little clueless and fitting into some of my stereotypical 'problems with certain people').

Something for a Monday morning that in other aspects is reminding me that the world is a slightly scary place and not moving forward one step at a time. Right now I think we might be embarking on a slow dance, one step forward, three backwards, turn to the side and a swivel....

intermission (aka Wordless Wednesday)

... intermission...

 Christmas break fun....

I'm turning into a proper Southerner perhaps?? ^^ 

Or I have nothing to say right now... being too thoughtful and upset about those legislation  debates and votings lately in the dear US of A... 

who needs rights, really?

evangeeelizing.. or mentoring.. whatever to call it... :)

It's one of those first things one of my American friends told me. "You're really evangelizing at Saturday night*". And I was scared. Not only because I don't want to talk about religion/beliefs with people (hey, I'm Swedish, we keep it close to heart and it's all about you in private) but it was an odd statement to me.

Then I rehashed many of my conversations out on a Saturday night and got a little apprehensive. You see, I usually end up talking about a few things when I'm out.... politics ("so, that GOP debate yesterday, what did you think about that?"), religion (I believe in something but I'm not sure about this pope thing... ), motherhood (no, it's not that I don't want a child, I just got divorced and never had one before that), science (no, vaccinations don't cause autism, it's more complicated that that), or just How about those Leafs since they've sucked so much lately (not tonight since they blissfully won against the Oilers!).

However, most of these conversations end with me saying things trying to sound more even keeled... and being more reasonable... and then to my surprise some things have happened.

First, a person responded to the "sure enough, let's talk about this science thing and have coffee". Second, another one wanted me as her mentor since she's in grad school. Third, I got an invitation for a conference and to talk about "being a female scientist". Fourth, which I'm sort of not counting in the science department but it counts here where I live, I had three people show up at church on a Sunday since "I had told them this church was open to gay and being women friendly" - to which I'm feeling way more uncomfortable than I've ever thought I would... I am not an evangelizing person. I don't believe in mission. (that's makes me a bad Christian if you wonder. I know. But I don't do mission stuff. I just live my life. And hope to live it well.)

So, in the next few weeks I'm meeting with some people who apparently think I am a good person to talk about science and careers, and to mentor people :)

And this all happened on Valentine's day. The day that started with me going "I'm not all interested in public display of emotions" and my thoughts on the worth and diamonds etc... and the day ending with me getting flowers sent to my work place, which made me blush for many hours, and a nice dinner.... I mean, I really didn't ask for it, not expect it. But I guess I'm sort of a hypocrite since I liked it? But to be fair, it wasn't too many dollars involved and no ring :) And the man in question didn't believe me when I said "I've never gotten flowers delivered to work before". Ha, there's a first thing for everything - even if your old as I am :)

*the joke was that some of my friends who go to church every Sunday stated that I went out Saturday night and drank beer. My response to the awkwardness was to say "well, I'm telling them that I'm due in church the next morning so it's not all lost"... I was sort of trying to make it less weird... alas... things move in strange ways...

rehashing the killing begins with a k....

Seriously, I need help.

If I have to repeat to myself one more time that "it is perfectly acceptable to not measure your worth in diamonds/jewllery that someone gives you and that I am worth something even if I don't have X, Y,Z".... I'm going crazy. There is only so much of this I can take. And it's wearing me down.

It might sound weird but I feel like I'm being brainwashed. Every. Day.

It's all about "the rings on the finger", the diamonds", "the nice car", "the expensive house", "the [insert whatever expensive visual thing that people can see], the outside... the thinness... the [whatever else].

Never, never, never about "reading books", thinker*. Never about 'being kind" (It sort of ends up with "I see her going to church every weekend kind of thing.... key phrase: 'see') Focus is always external and measuring. Never inside life. Thoughts. Happyness.

Of course, the thing that made me scared was the discussion that the notion that maybe it would be ok for me to take a man out and pay for dinner since {I know, it's crazy} I make money too? and the comment was along the lines of "any real woman who knew her worth would let the man pay for it**". In short, any man would go out with me if I pay, but would I want to be viewed as such? And really, I'd be getting short changed if I didn't get things....

[enter zombie voice] neeeeed more thingssss....shiny things.... expensive things...

Crazy. That's what I am. Sadly egelitarian... and lost in space. Now, I'm going to go home and avoid commercials and cook my own dinner like a proper woman. And wait for the phone to ring. While I clean the kitchen....  And hope that I don't end up thinking too much about this.

Or I could conform and stop being such a fuzzy about it!***


*ok, sometimes it's phrased as "the smartest person I've met" but very seldom, and always with an additive of 'and their spouse is good looking or something equvalent'
**not always clear what 'it' refers to.... ^^ (and surely women don't like having sex? right? so we need to be coaxed into it? with gifts?)
**It was added after the "worth" comment... "just don't have to be so darn different. Every woman loves diamonds and that they're worth it to a man". Who would 'just' love someone without giving tokens that are expensive? I know, who would?? [sound of head exploding]

the post doc scenario in a toxic environment

Every once in awhile I get surprised... Reading 27andapostdoc.com  where the toxic get to you somehow, and when three of my post-doc collegues talk about this "new post-doc or technician" who has started in their lab... and all of a sudden the lab dynamic changes. One of my post doc friends told me a few months ago that the new one had talked badly about her to the old ones in the lab...

The second one I'm thinking about, they didn't get re-newed by their PI so they were looking for a new post-doc place while their spouse was employed by the same PI. Messy situation to say the least...

Third, the post-doc didn't get re-newed but their spouse in another lab did. And I met with them to talk about future, and in the end I said "it's all about what you as a couple decide to do, if you're future ia brighter than theirs"... and i may sounds harsh, I know that, but seriously, that's the problem, isn't it?

It's the festering pain that happens. The one that leaves some at "point of no return"... I should and probably will, write something more profound about it, but right now,  I'm stuck with repeating "at least I knew what I signed up for". And yes, I think there is something more there, but right now - it's a bit of a blank..

the thing with vaccines

My thing with vaccines; they save lives.

They might not save my life per se, as in directly, but they do keep people who can't get vaccinated safer. And then there are the times when I might have been sick, but didn't due to vaccines.

Lately I've been having a slight feeling that maybe, just maybe, some people would understand some of these important things if we all of sudden didn't have any vaccines anymore. Then again, it's easy to look at facts from a century back, or the under-developed countries present day. Or, we can just wait another decade when we've run out of antibiotics to combat even simple bacterial infections and see what that does to our average age span and health status.

(I've read too much about the influenza vaccine debate in Sweden and Finland this weekend. Coupled with being in the clinic watching sick children who are at risk due to some people not being vaccinated and carrying around germs... and that's not even mentioning the "pharma is out to kill us")

did I really ask "should we settle this in an octagon?"

Wow... today is a wirlwind of crazy things happening. First of all, if you might remember the blog post I had about "Goddag Yxskaft" the notion that wo (or more) people aren't communicating... So, let's say that Person P is trying to repeat an assay that Person X has done before. Person P is getting results similar to what Person T is getting, but is way off from what Person X had previously reported.

P lays flat on the ground and describes in detail what they are doing, what calculations and everything and sends it off to X asking "can you please tell me where I'm not doing what you are doing since the results aren't adding up". And then gets a response a few weeks later....

"You should calculate the [what P wrote in the email but maybe X didn't see that?]"

P replies; "thanks but that's what I thought I did, so could you please send me how you do things so I can compare it?"

X replies: "What I do is what you do, but changing a few things and you should get the same results"

Needless to say, this is making for one frustrating situation... and leading up to "could we solve this with an octagon perhaps?"*

I guess the saving grace of it all is that Person P has never, not one time in the emails or within hearing distance from anyone apart from the cloests in mourning said anything apart from "If you would be so kind to tell me what I possibly could've done wrong/missing/lacking/misunderstood" ... but sometimes that makes for even more frustration since there is no ego from that way. Just miscommunication and no results in the end.

(Although, apparently someone has decided that a meeting face-to-face is the best and quickest way to resolve this. Hm, guess who is going to need to go to the gym early morning to get all those frustrations out?? That's right. Person P, aka me.)


*might not have been the most clever comment to make in the combination with certain bosses and male attitude but .... too late to feel sorry about it now. It's already a little memo floating around in the office that this doctor is the "cage fighting doctor". erhm. ^^

the most dangerous thing according to what I hear...

... Is have grown women being able to have sex and at the same time protect themselves from STDs as well as becoming pregnant. I'm tempted to say "it's scary that women could enjoy sex without risking a pregnancy and therefore being linked to the man forever"....

Not to mention that yearly health screenings is something every woman should have. (as well as men)

Yeah... starting the day at the gym watching FOX news might not have been the smartest plan for my sanity.... nor my aggression level going into work.

(and don't get me started on the difference between Plan B - "the day afer pill" - and "the abortion pill". They don't even contain the same hormones and are _very_ different. Plan B won't even work if the woman is already pregnant. So. Get. The. Facts. Don't. Just. Repeat. Lies.)