Saturday, October 29, 2011

Hockey pool Week 4 (WOHO for me!)

Well, to be modest and all (well, not really) I was the best person to post the update from week 4 since I got the most points this week :) Lavaland is still the overall leader, followed by Bob and Ricardipus... but I got a whopping 50 points this week mostly due to the Finnish goalie star of the Predators: Pekka Rinne! (as a side note, almost as much as the first 3 weeks together... hmm... ^^)

Anyway, to go back to review mode. Most people this week got 30-37 points, a close range, even if the overall board has spread out... We're still hunting for the first three spots though, right!?!

(as for the ugly pic, yes - I still haven't figured out Numbers that well....)

Tonight, I'm hoping the Leafs will repeat their lovely performance in NY earlier this week when they WON! It's looking like a great start of the season for a Toronto fan (pride before fall and all... ;) ) )

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Planning is something I love (or rather love following plans, or need to?)

I love planning. I love making lists. And then, of course, I love crossing off the things I've done on that list. And to get a feeling that all of the stuff is acomplished.

Some people have told me, or asked me, if I sometimes add non-important things on the list in order to be able to "cross at least something off". My usual answer is no. I usually only make lists with the important* things. And then I like the time line.... (like project manager-like programs I guess)

Those lists save me a lot of time. I write the different projects I am involved in, I make some notes about What is wanted; What is needed in order to make it etc.... I finish my week (or day) with making a note of what I should do first thing in the morning, so I don't have to think about it when I get in the next morning.

And then my life is organised and I guess I feel a little in control. (<- key word there)

Lately, I've been feeling a little drained when the day is ending, my head has throbbed and I have felt out of whack. It dawned on my yesterday, after ending in a grumpy tirade to someone who really wasn't to blame for anything and I realised that I had no idea why I was going on on him. flash! The last couple of weeks (months?) has been very up in the air aka "new prioritizings on projects" on a almost weekly (or sometimes even day to day) basis.

Yeah, a little too much change... At least not in combination with "you need this done by week 3, this is prio1" that changes into "no, you need ThisBthing done by week 2"... and back again... and so on... And especially not if my life outside work is unplanned or changing on a day to day basis as well. I like my routines in one of these places... Work outs that day and this day, meeting friends there and there, plans followed through... Planned dinner and lunches and not "take out food which makes me stressed about not being in the gym as much".

The good thing with my grumpyness? That I have realised that my lists and plannings have been very eye opening for certain people and that maybe I can embark on something "new"... maybe. All of course, considering if I can survive these next couple of months which now seem to be "insanely packed with very important things that need to be finished by Xdate." I'm having a manical smile and looking at the lists I have already compiled - ready to go out to the people affected so they can add some of their stuff, as well as check some off - so we'll be ready to start steam rolling through the bullet points and achieve some results.

Yes, I might need to rename list maker to Organizer (just like my girl friends referred me as when talking about my "job" as wedding coordinator brides maid ;)) after all, it does sound much better than "she's the Bossy one" ^^

*important = things I need to do but not "eat lunch", "make coffee" but more "grocery shopping" or more likely "prep Assay A - solutions to make A, B C; buy powder B, check machine for time, fix form for final result"

Monday, October 24, 2011

maybe it's something in the air?

The last couple of months a few of my friends & acquaintances have been ending up with difficult discions and situations. I don't know why, maybe because several of us are in our mid 30ies and academics and now getting sorted out with "family-of-our-own-life" so we are indeed a few years behind on the "breaking loose from parents and starting our own lifes?" but still....

It's been quite a few who have cut contact with their own parents (or, in some cases, their in-laws). And some whose parents have decided that "they don't want any more contact since the children aren't abiding to the parents' wishes and rules". Some of them are one-sided from the "children", some from the parents, and some seem to be mutual "let's not pretend anymore"...

To me, it's been a little strange to watch from the sidelines since most of them are still in the same country as their parental units. Not expats (if that's the word?) like myself going through the "why don't you come home more*". Then again, one of my fellow former post-docs is going through the "well, guess I won't have to bother with them anymore" as not in the same country... still though, most of them are in the same countries.

I can't help but wonder if it's just me not thinking about that this would be a problem... but it's always been a problem but the distance between children and parents (nevermind if it is an ocean or "just" a few kilometers in another city) is increasingly putting a new pressure on it. Afterall, it's not too many generations ago (2?) that immediate family stayed close by eachother and lived and socialised together. Then again, maybe I just thought "it was going to work out since everyone are willing to adjust and compromise since family is important".

Ha. Don't worry, I can see the rainbow, roses and fairytale frame too.... not the reality one. It just leaves an unsettling emotion in my tummy...

*vacation is counted in hours here... not weeks...

Monday, October 17, 2011

best behaviour on display

I'm proud of myself. I have been able to not only be quiet (for me, it's sometimes hard), but also slightly smiling and saying "but of course" and then continued being quiet for a little while now.

Then I have finished a couple of reports, pointing out in what I would say might be the crux of the matter, interpretations of the data assembled and possible solutions (if that is something to be desired). And now, keep going until decisions are made and voiced.

Let's just go with that I haven't been this happy with my background in "scheming*", "temper check*", "planning ahead*" and last but not the least "scientific arguing with facts, data and statistics" (rather than anecdotal "I had feeling this was what we did").

I think I'm deserving a little drink after workout tonight, even if it is Monday. Or rather, especially since it is Monday - four more days in the week....

* all slight ambiguous traits from role playing games character traits....

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

replicates/duplicates/averages - they're not the same

Those unspeakable moments, what would you do without them? I might not have had too many of them, or thought about them as much, had I not been a a)female (or do I mean feminist?) b)non-American (rather from a Scandinavian egalitarian country) c)in a place where we're under a lot of stress at the moment. And, I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't throw in the blanket "other things I can't write about since in the end I have a job I wouldn't like to loose".

Still thought, there are some things that clearly makes it more obvious than other times.

As in I'm good, not even kidding myself here, in coaching others in these situations. Yes, I would know what do to and how to phrase it to be in a good standing. However, coming to me and what I do..... well, let's leave it at "sometimes I am just not up for being the quiet cute girl in the corner even when it should be my best mode of action. I guess I can at least be happy with that I have not lost my integrity? Although, I wonder when I forgot my game playing mode? I have been entertaining the idea that "we are all looking for the winning solution here". Clearly, as stated in so many real life conversations, we were not. We were looking for an easy solution. Really, it shouldn't surprise me - still it does though.

Certain things really tick me off. Like people not taking responsibility for their actions. And maybe blaming someone who was never even involved in it to start with. Or pretending nothing ever happened... Or when you need to depend on other people and they fuck things up (and keep quiet about it) and you're left with a mess... coupled with never admitting that it was never going to be done at all but rather hidden in a corner, hoping (?) that it would go away by itself... I don't think I'm too unreasonable to state that it would be so much easier for everyone involved if the hiding and pretending could go away.

Then of course, it is that beuatiful insight when you realise that someone have mistaken (?) 'replicates' - 'duplicates' - and..... 'averages' .... when they have done their statistical analysis.... Let's not even complicate things with degrees of freedom, it's really not necessary.... Why not just put all the points in a heap and make the cutest line you can make? I mean, that's what you really look for, right?

Thursday, October 06, 2011

woho!! :) (hockey)

It's a win! The Leafs won against the Habs!

And for the time being, while watching that Canucks vs Penguins game, all is ok in my little world. Sure enough, Canucks could look better.... (update in the middle of 3rd; they're looking a little happier now) But Leafs won!! I was really not counting on it - so sue me, come back when your team hasn't made a substantial mark for more years than you've been alive (1967 - last time Leafs lifted the cup) before you laugh ;)

It will at least be a good night on the east coast way of teams. Maybe I'll go to bed as a happy west and east coaster?! :)

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

it's soon holidays... right?

I was the one who said the strange words a while back... "so, we're doing this study starting then and there. Oh, I guess there will be no Thanksgiving holiday then." It was an obvious statement based on the schedule in front of me - alas without dates but days spelled out in order.

And the next meeting was about these things "that needed to be done yesterday but we sort of didn't think about it until tomorrow".... Sound familiar to anyone?

I don't write grants but my deadlines seem to correspond right now with other people's crazy time. I sort of looked forward to Thanksgiving (American), since it would mean 4 days off in a row (wow!). Especially since Christmas break this year was looking like 2-day weekend, as usual. But now, well - I dunno.... I guess I'll see what kind of holidays I will end up having.... There are some important deadlines that just have to stick. And it's for a good thing so...  Really, I shouldn't care too much since I had a few/several years without either holiday off - but that was as a post-doc... I didn't really expect anything else, and I could plan my own schedule actively. Now, it's more of a reactive thing, and maybe that is the root of my frustration in reality?!?!

I can ponder all of that and then some more once I finish these things on my list to do. Right now though, it's analysis time! Start chugging away on those bullet points on the to -do-lists.