Tuesday, September 13, 2022

"No, not pregnant, just fat" - World Childless Week 2022

It seems like yesterday, to be fair it was only a few weeks ago (again), when I was asked if I was pregnant. It was in context of a book I'd purchased so it wasn't to do with my body shape per se, but it's not the first time I've been asked. Granted, I thought this would be a thing of years past. Since I'm now of an age where I personally don't think anyone should ask if I'm pregnant. (Not that there really is a good time for anyone to ask anyone if their pregnant but still.... )

When people ask nowadays if I have children I choose between answering
a) no
b) no, unfortunately not
c) no, that didn't work out
d) I would've loved to but that didn't happen

depending on the situation. Years ago I would've said "no" and nothing else. 

Possibly, I'm now more tired of the presumption that I'm childless since I chose to be childless which is why option b-d is more likely in conversations. Although that opens up for the comments like "aww, have you thought of IVF?" or "there's so many options of having a family today" or "have you considered adoption?". And depending on my mood, if I'm inclined to answer these - coming from a good place yet not the best to say most of the time- statements.

Then again, I'd be the first to acknowledge the journey this have been and how it's evolved in regards to sadness, denial, agony, helplessness, bitterness, envy, hopelessness, resignation, bargaining, acceptance and other feelings that arise when the world, hope&dreams and you are not in alignment.

If there is anything I would like people to consider and know re this topic? 

That IVF isn't the end all solution to childless people. I know that the feeling of many is that IVF is successful. Yet, there is a lot of people and cases who don't succeed with a live baby in the end of an IVF cycle. And with a lot of people, I mean less than 25% are successful. And that is without factoring in age factors. So, not a panacea for all the childless hoping people.

Regardless of my IVF comment above, main issue for me with childlessness is that it's something that is complex and deeply personal. Also probably something that the average person doesn't talk about too much (even though the percentage of people having children is decreasing) since it is complicated and have a lot of feelings involved.

Anyhooo.... this week is World Childless Week and you can find the program here: https://worldchildlessweek.net/