Tuesday, April 10, 2012

funeral and some random thoughts

Well, today was funeral day. As in, I had to leave work to go to a funeral for a friend. Not expected, nor super unexpected, but still unexpected since it was fast. I guess that's what you say when someone is over 50? But still, it ended up a fairly different time for me. I though I was a good Swedish woman, no crying and making a scene unless it's family (which is wasn't obviously since I was here in post-doc city) but I managed to keep it cultural enough until the time when I locked eyes with a close friend of mine, who was a close friend of the one we buried.... and it got to me. Yeah, I'm not a good cryer. It was a mess; red eyes, tears and bad singing with breaking voice (note to self; sing softly and quietly next time).

Going for beers afterwards, since the wake was a dry one, and talking to random people - thanks for them not being the 'usual' "you're not blonde swede" conversation.

And now... hm... writing that report that I need to finish very soon. That report, which has been eluding me since there is a certain aspect of "the sky isn't green however much you want it to be but I guess I'll redefine blue as green to keep you happy".... It's a time when I should remember the saying of "it's not a conversation when one person tells you to do something, it's a directive."

So, in other terms - I need to get this done very soon (two days max) and then in the next week be OK with taking vacation and leave and not check work email while I'm on vacation (yes, it's a hard one for me) and just let time take its course... wish me luck.

Back to the graphs and variance reports. No rest for the people (who grieve or think about loved ones who get ripped away fast and unexpectedly).

And really, it shouldn't be this hard. It's just a lot of thoughts, as always with me ^


Cath@VWXYNot? said...

I'm sorry about your friend.

chall said...

Thank you Cath.

JaneB said...

I'm sorry too. I hope the vacation gives you a little space to remember your friend positively, and to feel balanced again.

chall said...

Thank you Jane. She was a lovely person!

I really need to work more on my balance since it's been slipping a lot since Xmas vacation... it's funny, I go throw spells when it's all good and then slowly slowly I find myself working all evenings, weekends and feeling exhausted (and really, it's not worth it)

ScienceGirl said...

So sorry for your loss... I too hope a little rest helps you start healing.