Retracting

I have read a few posts about retracting papers and also read some of the retractions. I think I need to make a smaller retraction myself, or at least a little of a nuance to a feeling and statement I have previously made here. Never mind the fact that I still think it was valid when I made it but in light of a conversation and experience the last couple of weeks I feel a small need to correct my somewhat depressing statement about one of the Big People aka the HoD.

I mean, I had a conversation with said person and ended up with both a smile and a feeling that I was doing completely the right thing. And that said person agreed. Furthermore, it was said: “There is not need for you to be so hard on yourself. I think you have made good data and research during your time here”. Go figure. But it is not only the fact that I got praise that made me retract some of the statements of “being evil, harsh, rude and overly criticizing” but more since I though about my own demeanor.

(Being a former RPGer I should have remembered the whole nature/demeanor and that they [usually] do not am the same, but in all this I forgot this. I forgot that my outside might not show ‘somewhat scared and hesitant, wanting to know if it ok to only work 60 hs a week when the experiments didn’t pan out as planned and I’m so sorry for this not to work but I really, really tried you know and it feels bad to take up your time by telling you all this with no happy data in the end’ to be interpreted into “I don’t really care what you think of my research so why should I explain what I have been doing this last week when I was slouching and I don't want to tell you my ideas since I think you might steal them”.)

In short, I probably created some of the situation myself but I do think that I am getting better now and if nothing else we seem to have a good understanding at the moment. I am moving forward. And really, I think this is one major point and achievement I can grow from.

Regarding my mentor and PI though, it feels a little more like one step forward, one and a half backwards. But then again, I might be a little wrong there too… but in short it has to do with trust. I really can’t give him more benefit of the doubt but rather I am planning accordingly to the last statement and written agreement. This of course, is not the same as the things he said last time we spoke about it all; or similar to the time before that , or the time before that again. So, basically I would say that if you have given three different statements the three last times when you talk about planning the future don’t be surprised if the other person, the dependant, plans accordingly to the written agreement, which hasn’t been changed.

Of course, I am [somewhat] flexible if it turns that way. And I know that I need to have another talk about it all soon. I just need these results from the experiments I am doing this week and the following 14 days…. And I am so excited about the results! They might be the ones that make the publication altogether. Or at least make it interesting for more than “just bacteria people”.

Time to go home and mull over that abstract for the conference! It is due soon but I would really benefit from the results coming from the experiments the next 14 days in order to make it hot. Well, sometimes it just happens that way. Hopefully I can spin it in an interesting way still.