Friday, April 10, 2020

dealing with anxiety (safer-at-home edition 1)

I ran into my old kickboxing trainer today. I would say he looked more surprised to see me than I him. He apparently thought I had left town. No idea why. Apart from that he was the one leaving and cutting all of us off. I almost said "you took the heavy bag I paid for when you scooted out, and I would've really enjoyed it in my home now in Covid19 times". Of course I didn't say that. Because that would be ... I dunno, unnecessary? It's been almost 10 years.

Still though, it brought back an old conversation I had with a therapist during my divorce (even more years ago). I talked about how I handled anxiety and that I had noticed 5 different outlets that might not have been the best options all the time.
In no particular order;

  • drinking (alcohol)
  • eating (oh chips, carbs are faves, but really - beggars can't be choosers)
  • getting into a fight (referring to verbal fights and slight screaming, since I wasn't a brawler)
  • having sex
  • working out (especially on a heavy bag with gloves, intervals so almost puking or sparring against someone bigger)
At the time, I was quite proud that I had moved away from the destructive ones and kept working out to keep calm and in control of feelings and stressors. This quarantine/safer-at-home deal makes it a little more complicated since I currently don't have a heavy bag at home. Sure, I have a few kettle bells and I jog/do intervals at times in the neighborhood. However, it's not the "all out endorphin looking kick" that I've chased over the years to mellow me out. 

I guess I know now that I have to up my milage (haven't done more than 6 miles since marathon in December) and start doing the horrid intervals/fartlek to see if that kicks in the "adrenalin get aways" and the endorphin kickoffs. It wasn't an issue in the fall when I averaged 22 miles a week (4, 3, 15 miles) when training for the marathon, and doing spinning intervalls and weights/boxing twice a week. Currently I'm more in the "walking 3-5 miles a day" and "jogging twice a week", but nothing over 6 miles (since I'm in my neighborhood and not the park where I used to go long distance running). It's not enough to keep the balance.

Why do I think about this?  Because the other options on the list aren't really great choices as outlets. And especially not as a grown up who should be honest with ones feelings and reactions - as I refer to myself right now. I know, it would be best if I learned to deal with anxiety as regular people. Now, what do regular people do when stressed??? (I really don't know. Please let me know)

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