I've been drafting these blog posts about "sensitivity and specificity", "difference between antibody test (serotests) and PCR (RT-PCR)" and "timeline of pandemics". They are all still in the works. I got sidetracked though. Not by something fun. Not even by my work, even though I've managed to have two hard deadlines and another coming up within a few days, but by fighting this feeling that "throwing pearls for swine isn't worth it".
Nownow, I know the mistake of the analogy. First off, my blog readers are few and a lot of you I kinda know over the years. So, not "random", and most certainly not appropriate to have an analogy to "swine" as in the saying. For argument sake, let's disregard the saying and move on with the post.
It might just be the notion that writing explanations and trying to make sense of what is going on in the world from a microbiology point of view would be a good idea IF the posts were read in good faith by someone who might learn and even change their way of thinking.
Alas, and here comes the tiredness and the reason for the crude analogy, there's been quite a few interactions with people who go at things in bad faith. And also that they are so firmly lodged in the "other camp" that they have no interest, no semblance of idea, to learn or listen to facts.
And after the latest couple of weeks sharing borders with conspiracy theorist, "freedom seekers" and "God & Trump will protect us and the virus will go away with the heat in June" - I have spent a lot of energy not saying what I think. Not stating rude things. Not making over the top faulty "I want this to be true" signs posting them all over internet or calling people names. (Like they have done.)
Why? Because I was raised to be a behaved person. I was raised to respect and accept other opinions than my views. I was raised that "be above such muck".
However, I was also raised to stand up for what I believe in.
And I was raised to protect the people who couldn't protect themselves.
To think about and consider the people who didn't have a voice in the society.
To NOT only think about myself.
To be alright with having some discomfort IF it meant others were protected and it saved others.
To NOT put myself first all the time but to be humble and considerate of others.
To do the best thing for all of us, not only the best thing for me and mine.
Some of these things have been easier than others the last few months. I won't lie.
"First, do no harm"
I'm not a physician but the sentiment would be something that I was raised considering regardless. Got to be honest though, my experience with bullies - and I'm afraid I have more than I would've liked - is that you can turn the other cheek a lot of times, and not stoop to their level and be the better person.
Sadly (?) though, I would say that there was some experience of an effective way to stop and that was "to stoop at their level" and intimidate back. Threaten as the bully was threatening. Strike a punch and they got scared and thought it wasn't worth it. And to be the bigger person if finding a bully in the younger peer group, bullying the younger ones.
I don't like the experience the violence and threat "solved some bullying". I'm old enough now to see that it works for specific occasions. And that it is situational, like a four year old knows that mommy will be more likely to give the candy in the store if threatened with a full on temper tantrum and screaming and all the noise.
I had some hope that we were above being four year olds as adults. Or that it needed to be "brought to your own family for you to care". I'm now contemplating that a lot. I find myself looking back at my grandmother's teachings of being a lady, while running a secondary commentary in my head "let's go outside and solve this the old fashioned way".
But most of all I have had to fight my thoughts of "maybe, just maybe it's going to have to be really bad for these people to understand the errors of their ways" - also known as Burn it to the ground. It is a fairly common tactic in war after all (hello Russia in WWII and Germany on their Western front). Main issue is that there are A LOT of collateral damage. And again, the main issue here is that even if that would be a wakeup call for many "good faith" people, it wouldn't mean anything to "bad faith argument people". They see what they want to see. And collateral damage doesn't face them.
That means that the main thing getting hurt from that would be me and the collateral damage, and that wouldn't really help anything now would it?
TLDR:
Wash your hands.
It's helpful for vulnerable people (and you and others) if we keep social distancing.
Since we don't know everyone, if you are grocery shopping, in a closed space or on a public transportation, please wear a mask to save others like if you have the virus.
IF you feel sick, stay home and don't expose others.
It's the only way vulnerable people (and others like health care workers) will be able to go outside for the foreseeable future.
And also, if you still think this is a hoax - you are fooled by whatever outlet you watch, read or listen to. The virus and the consequences of being sick are real. And we don't even begin to know how being sick has affected people who have recovered.
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 26, 2020
Monday, December 30, 2019
out with the old, in with the new
It's that time of the year when everyone recaps the year that has happened, and this time also the decade that has happened. I would love to, but bad planning and a computer without much power will lead me to do this report on New Years Day.
Maybe, just maybe, I can see that as a sign of the new year and decade for me. To accept and not overplan, to look forward and not dwell to much on the past?
For now, here's to happy future times! To friends! To friendship! To love and loved ones. And most of all, to all the lovely people in the bloggosphere who has brightened my day this latest year and will do the same for years to come.
Happy 2020! Happy new decade!
Maybe, just maybe, I can see that as a sign of the new year and decade for me. To accept and not overplan, to look forward and not dwell to much on the past?
For now, here's to happy future times! To friends! To friendship! To love and loved ones. And most of all, to all the lovely people in the bloggosphere who has brightened my day this latest year and will do the same for years to come.
Happy 2020! Happy new decade!
Sunday, June 09, 2019
Lessons Learned - not just bad stuff
Lessons Learned is one of the most important parts of a project and is finalized in the closing process. Well, it's one of the things that I think is the most important part of a project (after the deliverables), and something that many people don't want to do since it feels like "wasting time rehashing what didn't work and what did work".
If you look it up in different project management books and sites there will be something about "closing the project allows the organization to record, maintain and reuse lessons learned for future projects". This might be especially helpful if your organization has repetetive projects, say running a same production of compound X in various batches, or performing preclinical PKs with different drugs but the same models.
In my experience this specifics of "lessons learned" is more about "How" you go about capturing the learnt part rather than the "What did you learn". Maybe this is more due to the fast paced environment I move in, with several different teams and the feeling that we are doing "one of a kind experiments that wouldn't benefit from this formal step". Side note, a lot of the processes are the same, just that the people involved in them often think of themselves and the work product as unique and therefore not benefitting of a lessons learned.
There is also a similar connotation of "lessons learned" feeling more like a sit down and repeat what didn't work and let us capture who failed on what. Of course, this is similar to the feeling of people who don't like evaluations or critiques or feedback since the emphasis tends to be on "what didn't work". However, dealing with processes, it's always helpful and important to sort out which processes that did work well, and why. Side note 2, most often these processes get repeated and most people tend to view them as the "norm" since they work, when in fact these processes more often than not are not the norm and can give a huge insight to strengths and built in flows in the organization. It also gives an opportunity to review the successes of the team retrospectively, something that might not happen as often in an academic environment where we have forgotten the project the moment the paper is sent in and accepted rather than when it is actually published.
For the point of this blog post though, I had something specific in mind when contemplating the latests of Lessons Learned I am facing to do and capture. One of these closings is my annual review where I will go through a few of the projects I've worked on this year and I see that some of the bullet points from Lessons Learned will fit well into the review format. Why? Well mainly because of the point I made above in regards to a set of experiments that the people viewed as unique and one in a time, whereas I see them as the same process being slightly tweaked with details specific for the project in questions. And I'm involved in these projects on a regular basis.
Interestingly enough (but not surprising), it's a similar Lessons Learned for another project with a different set of people but similar deliverables and time lines. It goes something like this; Communication plan was decided and in the beginning of the project everything worked fine. Emails to the team was sent, in a timely manner before and after meetings, and updates were clear. Everyone got the work done on time. Once the project started lagging behind the time line, the communication plan broke down. This was in hindsight more clear since the person responsible for the communication decided to not be transparent with the delays in production, and at the same time stopped producing meeting minutes and tasks to the team. The team started meeting in smaller groups, which didn't have follow up or minutes, thus making it impossible to gauge where the project was. Finally there was a large group meeting where the project sponsor and the biggest stakeholder were present, this meeting generated a clear list of expectations, deliverables and time line with mile stones. For future projects, clear meeting minutes need to be delivered to the project sponsor and stakeholder for accountability. Communication should not be considered an afterthought. And even an email stating "no news in the project" is an important email if there has been no update meetings in over four weeks since communication indicates "keeping everyone in the project up to date and on the same page".
All of this is obviously easier said than done when working on concurrent projects with several team members in different projects, however - it's even more important for efficient work and avoiding rework and break downs.
There is a lead in from Lessons Learned into more private sphere and how this can be helpful in a career setting (lessons learned from your PhD project for example) but that's another blogpost.
If you look it up in different project management books and sites there will be something about "closing the project allows the organization to record, maintain and reuse lessons learned for future projects". This might be especially helpful if your organization has repetetive projects, say running a same production of compound X in various batches, or performing preclinical PKs with different drugs but the same models.
In my experience this specifics of "lessons learned" is more about "How" you go about capturing the learnt part rather than the "What did you learn". Maybe this is more due to the fast paced environment I move in, with several different teams and the feeling that we are doing "one of a kind experiments that wouldn't benefit from this formal step". Side note, a lot of the processes are the same, just that the people involved in them often think of themselves and the work product as unique and therefore not benefitting of a lessons learned.
There is also a similar connotation of "lessons learned" feeling more like a sit down and repeat what didn't work and let us capture who failed on what. Of course, this is similar to the feeling of people who don't like evaluations or critiques or feedback since the emphasis tends to be on "what didn't work". However, dealing with processes, it's always helpful and important to sort out which processes that did work well, and why. Side note 2, most often these processes get repeated and most people tend to view them as the "norm" since they work, when in fact these processes more often than not are not the norm and can give a huge insight to strengths and built in flows in the organization. It also gives an opportunity to review the successes of the team retrospectively, something that might not happen as often in an academic environment where we have forgotten the project the moment the paper is sent in and accepted rather than when it is actually published.
For the point of this blog post though, I had something specific in mind when contemplating the latests of Lessons Learned I am facing to do and capture. One of these closings is my annual review where I will go through a few of the projects I've worked on this year and I see that some of the bullet points from Lessons Learned will fit well into the review format. Why? Well mainly because of the point I made above in regards to a set of experiments that the people viewed as unique and one in a time, whereas I see them as the same process being slightly tweaked with details specific for the project in questions. And I'm involved in these projects on a regular basis.
Interestingly enough (but not surprising), it's a similar Lessons Learned for another project with a different set of people but similar deliverables and time lines. It goes something like this; Communication plan was decided and in the beginning of the project everything worked fine. Emails to the team was sent, in a timely manner before and after meetings, and updates were clear. Everyone got the work done on time. Once the project started lagging behind the time line, the communication plan broke down. This was in hindsight more clear since the person responsible for the communication decided to not be transparent with the delays in production, and at the same time stopped producing meeting minutes and tasks to the team. The team started meeting in smaller groups, which didn't have follow up or minutes, thus making it impossible to gauge where the project was. Finally there was a large group meeting where the project sponsor and the biggest stakeholder were present, this meeting generated a clear list of expectations, deliverables and time line with mile stones. For future projects, clear meeting minutes need to be delivered to the project sponsor and stakeholder for accountability. Communication should not be considered an afterthought. And even an email stating "no news in the project" is an important email if there has been no update meetings in over four weeks since communication indicates "keeping everyone in the project up to date and on the same page".
All of this is obviously easier said than done when working on concurrent projects with several team members in different projects, however - it's even more important for efficient work and avoiding rework and break downs.
There is a lead in from Lessons Learned into more private sphere and how this can be helpful in a career setting (lessons learned from your PhD project for example) but that's another blogpost.
Saturday, March 16, 2019
back in the saddle & planning new posts
It's like that saying "when you fall off the horse, you just get up in the saddle right away again". Why? Because you need to do it quickly to not overthink and over feel the scared feeling of falling. I should remember that. After all, I fell off horses a lot while training equestrian vaulting back in my youth and got back up again every time.
And still, more than three months since I wrote something here. Even more months since I opened my journal and wrote a longer piece.
I got a little wake up call a few weeks ago when I pulled a few 50+ hour work weeks, woke up at 5 am without an alarm even though I didn't go to bed until midnight and kept running around feeling wide eyed and having a cry at work.... Then I went on vacation and enjoyed no telephone, internet or work emails for a few days, plus hanging out at sea and in nature in the now so to speak.
Part of my "after vacation resolution" is to get better at doing things that keep me both mentally and physically in shape. The usual; sleeping, eating, working out, not over working, hanging out with friends, talking walks outside during work days and weekends. But also; reading physical books, writing blog posts and having time to do my side project (another sort of writing).
Since it has been a week since this "new regime" started; I have worked out every day (maybe not as long as I had dreamt about but 30 min is a good start), I have slept 7 hours every night and I have eaten porridge for breakfast every day - I have yet to attack the reading a book or writing a blog post, so here is it....
Life has been, I guess life? The last few years have had some struggles, maybe early midlife crisis ("what should I do with my life?") and some set backs in the dream department. There is nothing I would like to dwell in right now, considering this is my "back in the saddle, which should be short and sweet, bringing a happy feeling without dread for next time" blog post.
I have gotten increasing number and sizes of projects at work, and some of these have not been easy navigating. It's difficult for everyone working with unrealistic expectations in delivery when you look at the resources being offered and the time line to fix in under. Needless to say I've been repeating a lot "the best we can do with the allocated resources and the given time constraints" rather than "the best you can". The latter phrase usually leads to some Type A people working overtime and getting stressed since you know that "you can do better" and "it shouldn't just be good enough".
With that nugget/wisdom/pep talk/detailed focused nit picky comment, I leave you with a few areas that I am working on for the next blog posts during this year. If you want to make a comment/wish on which one to go first, please let me know.
And still, more than three months since I wrote something here. Even more months since I opened my journal and wrote a longer piece.
I got a little wake up call a few weeks ago when I pulled a few 50+ hour work weeks, woke up at 5 am without an alarm even though I didn't go to bed until midnight and kept running around feeling wide eyed and having a cry at work.... Then I went on vacation and enjoyed no telephone, internet or work emails for a few days, plus hanging out at sea and in nature in the now so to speak.
Part of my "after vacation resolution" is to get better at doing things that keep me both mentally and physically in shape. The usual; sleeping, eating, working out, not over working, hanging out with friends, talking walks outside during work days and weekends. But also; reading physical books, writing blog posts and having time to do my side project (another sort of writing).
Since it has been a week since this "new regime" started; I have worked out every day (maybe not as long as I had dreamt about but 30 min is a good start), I have slept 7 hours every night and I have eaten porridge for breakfast every day - I have yet to attack the reading a book or writing a blog post, so here is it....
Life has been, I guess life? The last few years have had some struggles, maybe early midlife crisis ("what should I do with my life?") and some set backs in the dream department. There is nothing I would like to dwell in right now, considering this is my "back in the saddle, which should be short and sweet, bringing a happy feeling without dread for next time" blog post.
I have gotten increasing number and sizes of projects at work, and some of these have not been easy navigating. It's difficult for everyone working with unrealistic expectations in delivery when you look at the resources being offered and the time line to fix in under. Needless to say I've been repeating a lot "the best we can do with the allocated resources and the given time constraints" rather than "the best you can". The latter phrase usually leads to some Type A people working overtime and getting stressed since you know that "you can do better" and "it shouldn't just be good enough".
With that nugget/wisdom/pep talk/detailed focused nit picky comment, I leave you with a few areas that I am working on for the next blog posts during this year. If you want to make a comment/wish on which one to go first, please let me know.
- Good team work is constant communication and support
- Work-life balance in the time of "if you love what you do, it's not work"
- Stories from the US South as a Northern European woman - the differences, the similarities and the exotic craze - nuggets like bbq, heat vs freezing, feminism, church, seer sucker vs tight fitting dark wash jeans, craft breweries, biking to work and living together without being married.
- Science lab dynamics, the team sport like hockey
- "I have a PhD, this job is beneath me"
- Negotiation and diplomacy, best when coming from equal footing?
- Are you spending your time on the right things, or the things you want to be right?
- Setting expectations, an important part of delivering success
- Conflict between the wet and the dry lab sides
- Correct salutations - half the win when working with new people
- Pit falls to avoid when starting in a new team with a new project - no presumptions
Saturday, July 15, 2017
ambition and the difference between contentment and complacency
The difference between contentment and complacency, and how they relate to ambition - this is something on my mind more the last couple of months. Why? It's pretty simple. All through life, especially when going through undergraduate and later graduate school, it has been about striving for more, getting that degree, getting that position to say that "I made it through grad school and got my PhD. Now, what's next?".
It's one of those days I will never forget, partly because it was a clear saying at the time "this, this degree, is something that noone will take away from you". That the degree will be there, as a mile marker through my life. Something I have accomplished.
After the grad school came a couple of years in the post doc life when I was striving for papers, making abstracts, giving talks, moving towards the next step. What that was changed over time. When I started I thought it was going to be TT and a coveted professor chair. After a couple of years I landed (settled?) on the idea of "being in management in pharma, working with science but not always at the bench".
Said and done, I got myself a non-academic job as a scientist, yet no publications but rather bench work and some supervisor tasks. I remember clearly a family friend asking about my new title in my job and the comments afterwards. "It's QC specialist. -Well, I thought you were going to be a manager".
I drove the ambition train on the pharma tour towards a "better title". Worked for a few year, got more responsibilities. Working, as many does, for a few years in the job that you later [think] you will be promoted to. You're showing that you can do the job before getting the official job title. Well, after a few more years I got tired of waiting and went in search of greener pastures. There was a lot of other mitigating factors but one big one were the idea that there was no upward trajectory so all the newfound responsibilities that I took on didn't make a change for title or money or resources, so the difference when comparing to my fellow colleagues in the same position was that I had to work more, get rated on more things but according to HR or anyone else from the outside, we did the same work. Well, for a few years that was ok for me since I liked the job but it was better to leave before getting bitter about it.
I received a nice offer to become a project coordinator and started my new job. One of my colleagues in my old job got that promotion we had talked about for years, a few months after I left. Good for them and me. I was happy in my new job, they got some recognition for the future career. My new job toggled along. I did the same thing as I've done now in my previous jobs.... getting more responsibilities, broader work assignments. Rumour spread that I know what I'm doing so people came and asked for help and suggestions, outside of "my team". I was getting job satsifaction and the ego was getting paid; "I'm good at what I do and others appreciate and recognize it". For quite a while that is all I want and I am content with my job.
Sometimes the ego reared its head to ponder "well, shouldn't you go for a better job - a job with a higher title, more money, more power.... you deserve it". It's what I've always thought and dreamed of. Having a job where I'm important.
I know how this reads, very arrogant. Or maybe sad. Or maybe it's because I've seen so many managers, directors and bosses who aren't that qualified or competent having jobs that give them way more power and money (and autonomy) and I don't really see why I couldn't do that too (while being qualified and competent for the job). Oh the arrogance of a PhD who wants to be more.
A while back another colleague left from my PM job. They got a better offer to become program manager in pharma. Since there wasn't a career trajectory in the old job, which I knew when I took it, they jumped on it. I started a smaller conversation with a few of the bosses since I wanted to let them know what I said in my job interview still held true. "I don't see myself working in this job with the same title after 4-5 years since I'm likely to have grown with the job and made something else out of the job. If you want to keep me in the organisation then, there would have to be a career ladder option".
Of course things happen, the lives of bosses are busy ones and they didn't really pay too much attention to the hungry ambitious youngsters working for them. It's also true that no one cares about your career but you, so you got to be proactive about it. No use getting stagnant in a job and getting bitter - there is too much going on around for that.
I kept doing what I do best, work hard and not say no to opportunities that arose. I accepted a lot of responsibility and the new things took me away from the job description. However, I had fun, felt like a valued member of the team, got my ego stroked with some publications and mentionings by important people in meetings and presentations. Acknowledgement is always good and nice. However, that little sliver of doubt grew bigger for every new thing that got added to the plate. Where was I going with this? And what, if anything, was going to change in the future? Was this the idea for the rest of my time in this job? Getting new obligations, responsibilities but not ever a title change, nor salary increase? I mean, I'm not saying I think you should get a promotion every year, but when the job is so very changed from when you started, somethings got to give eventually. Or you end up there after a decade with the same title and salary but doing something that is so far off the origianl job that when you leave, the company hires two people to keep all those things done (true story for a colleague of mine).
It's a fine balance between feeling happy that you're "important and good at what you do" and feeling used for "being there and working above your paygrade yet not getting compensated for it". And one day, the scale tips the other way and you start feeling just a little less content and a little more ambitious.
Needless to say, if you've managed to read this far, the scale is tipping. I'm more unsure now than I was before since complacency is tempting me with "you know this job, you can scale back and do it without trouble. don't ask for more or change. Enjoy this and be content". Ambition, or rather my "fairness indicator", is putting up the fight since "if you look at what you do, where your responsibilities lie, you are already working on another level and you should be compensated for it".
I guess the question is if the balance will tip back and forth and then settle on one side?
It's one of those days I will never forget, partly because it was a clear saying at the time "this, this degree, is something that noone will take away from you". That the degree will be there, as a mile marker through my life. Something I have accomplished.
After the grad school came a couple of years in the post doc life when I was striving for papers, making abstracts, giving talks, moving towards the next step. What that was changed over time. When I started I thought it was going to be TT and a coveted professor chair. After a couple of years I landed (settled?) on the idea of "being in management in pharma, working with science but not always at the bench".
Said and done, I got myself a non-academic job as a scientist, yet no publications but rather bench work and some supervisor tasks. I remember clearly a family friend asking about my new title in my job and the comments afterwards. "It's QC specialist. -Well, I thought you were going to be a manager".
I drove the ambition train on the pharma tour towards a "better title". Worked for a few year, got more responsibilities. Working, as many does, for a few years in the job that you later [think] you will be promoted to. You're showing that you can do the job before getting the official job title. Well, after a few more years I got tired of waiting and went in search of greener pastures. There was a lot of other mitigating factors but one big one were the idea that there was no upward trajectory so all the newfound responsibilities that I took on didn't make a change for title or money or resources, so the difference when comparing to my fellow colleagues in the same position was that I had to work more, get rated on more things but according to HR or anyone else from the outside, we did the same work. Well, for a few years that was ok for me since I liked the job but it was better to leave before getting bitter about it.
I received a nice offer to become a project coordinator and started my new job. One of my colleagues in my old job got that promotion we had talked about for years, a few months after I left. Good for them and me. I was happy in my new job, they got some recognition for the future career. My new job toggled along. I did the same thing as I've done now in my previous jobs.... getting more responsibilities, broader work assignments. Rumour spread that I know what I'm doing so people came and asked for help and suggestions, outside of "my team". I was getting job satsifaction and the ego was getting paid; "I'm good at what I do and others appreciate and recognize it". For quite a while that is all I want and I am content with my job.
Sometimes the ego reared its head to ponder "well, shouldn't you go for a better job - a job with a higher title, more money, more power.... you deserve it". It's what I've always thought and dreamed of. Having a job where I'm important.
I know how this reads, very arrogant. Or maybe sad. Or maybe it's because I've seen so many managers, directors and bosses who aren't that qualified or competent having jobs that give them way more power and money (and autonomy) and I don't really see why I couldn't do that too (while being qualified and competent for the job). Oh the arrogance of a PhD who wants to be more.
A while back another colleague left from my PM job. They got a better offer to become program manager in pharma. Since there wasn't a career trajectory in the old job, which I knew when I took it, they jumped on it. I started a smaller conversation with a few of the bosses since I wanted to let them know what I said in my job interview still held true. "I don't see myself working in this job with the same title after 4-5 years since I'm likely to have grown with the job and made something else out of the job. If you want to keep me in the organisation then, there would have to be a career ladder option".
Of course things happen, the lives of bosses are busy ones and they didn't really pay too much attention to the hungry ambitious youngsters working for them. It's also true that no one cares about your career but you, so you got to be proactive about it. No use getting stagnant in a job and getting bitter - there is too much going on around for that.
I kept doing what I do best, work hard and not say no to opportunities that arose. I accepted a lot of responsibility and the new things took me away from the job description. However, I had fun, felt like a valued member of the team, got my ego stroked with some publications and mentionings by important people in meetings and presentations. Acknowledgement is always good and nice. However, that little sliver of doubt grew bigger for every new thing that got added to the plate. Where was I going with this? And what, if anything, was going to change in the future? Was this the idea for the rest of my time in this job? Getting new obligations, responsibilities but not ever a title change, nor salary increase? I mean, I'm not saying I think you should get a promotion every year, but when the job is so very changed from when you started, somethings got to give eventually. Or you end up there after a decade with the same title and salary but doing something that is so far off the origianl job that when you leave, the company hires two people to keep all those things done (true story for a colleague of mine).
It's a fine balance between feeling happy that you're "important and good at what you do" and feeling used for "being there and working above your paygrade yet not getting compensated for it". And one day, the scale tips the other way and you start feeling just a little less content and a little more ambitious.
Needless to say, if you've managed to read this far, the scale is tipping. I'm more unsure now than I was before since complacency is tempting me with "you know this job, you can scale back and do it without trouble. don't ask for more or change. Enjoy this and be content". Ambition, or rather my "fairness indicator", is putting up the fight since "if you look at what you do, where your responsibilities lie, you are already working on another level and you should be compensated for it".
I guess the question is if the balance will tip back and forth and then settle on one side?
Thursday, February 16, 2017
snoring, choices and grad school
It feels like a thousand years have passed. I woke up at 5 am this morning, staring into space, trying to remember what my dream had been. Why it had woken me up. It took me a second to realise that it wasn't the dream. It was the hand that had reached out from beside me and shaken my shoulder, to disrupt my snoring sleep. I do that. Snore, that is. Some nights more than others. It's funny to me. It's one of those things you don't know about yourself. Someone else has to tell you about it. "You snore when you sleep".
There were times when that was something I was so embarrassed about. It scared me when starting dating (or for that matter, if you ended up with a short term fling). It's usually not like that in the romantic movies, obviously. Girl meets boy, hook up and go home to sleep together in a bed. Girl snores unbelievably loud and makes strange sounds in her sleep. Of course, someone will inevitably tell you that "snoring happens if you are overweight and have excess fat and tissue in the throat area". Others will tell you that "you can't snore if you sleep on your side" [I can, does that make me special?]. Others offer "you don't sleep well if you snore,".
The last part always makes me laugh. No, it really doesn't make me sleep well - since the person I share my bed with wakes me up to stop me from snoring! If I'm sleeping alone and snoring, there's not a care in the world. I wake up refreshed and happy (as happy as I can be in the morning that is). It's when my snoring bothers others that my sleep gets interrupted. And to be fair, it's two people's sleep that is affected. Or, as it happens when I grew up, three people since I could hear my dad snoring away on the other side of two doors. How my mother could sleep next to it, I don't know.
I was going somewhere with this.... ah, so earlier this week I remembered to make plans for a celebratory drink with one of the younger people in the lab. They applied to grad school before holidays and have now been accepted into one of their choices. They have been very interested in talking about potentially going to grad school, career choices and such with me since they started in the lab as a tech. And when we talked about the drink they admitted "I think you'll have to give me some wisdom, I'm probably going through my quarter life crisis. I don't know if I want to do grad school anymore. 7 years in that town?".
I, being the honest and slightly blunt person that I am, responded "I'm not sure that I have any wisdom, I'm quite confused about my life choices myself these days". Well, apparently the mere thing that I'm about 15 years older, having gone to grad school and "having a successful career with a great job in science" [listen to other people telling me how it looks from the outside!] makes me qualified to talk it through with them. I'm partly joking here, I think I could offer them some thinking points to make up their mind, even if I don't have my own stuff sorted out all that nicely as I would've wanted.
I'm going to have to tread lightly in my talk with them though. It's more about asking questions than giving answers (they have to sort out the answers themselves). It's a little interesting though since when they started in the lab they were happy with the idea of a Masters, and staying in science. After a year, interacting in our fairly competitive environment they got more convinced that the PhD was the way to go. Not sure that it's really what they want, or what they think is expected of them? (Which of course is part of the problem most of the time, isn't it.... you go with what others expect, what you expect and sometimes don't really give it too much thought.). I'm glad for the heads up since I've been thinking about choices we make at times. The choices I have made that led me to this place where I am today, warts and all. How changeable some choices are, some closes doors that can't be opened again. And most of all, that pesky question that doesn't seem to be answered anytime soon; what's the meaning of all this, what's meaning of life?
There were times when that was something I was so embarrassed about. It scared me when starting dating (or for that matter, if you ended up with a short term fling). It's usually not like that in the romantic movies, obviously. Girl meets boy, hook up and go home to sleep together in a bed. Girl snores unbelievably loud and makes strange sounds in her sleep. Of course, someone will inevitably tell you that "snoring happens if you are overweight and have excess fat and tissue in the throat area". Others will tell you that "you can't snore if you sleep on your side" [I can, does that make me special?]. Others offer "you don't sleep well if you snore,".
The last part always makes me laugh. No, it really doesn't make me sleep well - since the person I share my bed with wakes me up to stop me from snoring! If I'm sleeping alone and snoring, there's not a care in the world. I wake up refreshed and happy (as happy as I can be in the morning that is). It's when my snoring bothers others that my sleep gets interrupted. And to be fair, it's two people's sleep that is affected. Or, as it happens when I grew up, three people since I could hear my dad snoring away on the other side of two doors. How my mother could sleep next to it, I don't know.
I was going somewhere with this.... ah, so earlier this week I remembered to make plans for a celebratory drink with one of the younger people in the lab. They applied to grad school before holidays and have now been accepted into one of their choices. They have been very interested in talking about potentially going to grad school, career choices and such with me since they started in the lab as a tech. And when we talked about the drink they admitted "I think you'll have to give me some wisdom, I'm probably going through my quarter life crisis. I don't know if I want to do grad school anymore. 7 years in that town?".
I, being the honest and slightly blunt person that I am, responded "I'm not sure that I have any wisdom, I'm quite confused about my life choices myself these days". Well, apparently the mere thing that I'm about 15 years older, having gone to grad school and "having a successful career with a great job in science" [listen to other people telling me how it looks from the outside!] makes me qualified to talk it through with them. I'm partly joking here, I think I could offer them some thinking points to make up their mind, even if I don't have my own stuff sorted out all that nicely as I would've wanted.
I'm going to have to tread lightly in my talk with them though. It's more about asking questions than giving answers (they have to sort out the answers themselves). It's a little interesting though since when they started in the lab they were happy with the idea of a Masters, and staying in science. After a year, interacting in our fairly competitive environment they got more convinced that the PhD was the way to go. Not sure that it's really what they want, or what they think is expected of them? (Which of course is part of the problem most of the time, isn't it.... you go with what others expect, what you expect and sometimes don't really give it too much thought.). I'm glad for the heads up since I've been thinking about choices we make at times. The choices I have made that led me to this place where I am today, warts and all. How changeable some choices are, some closes doors that can't be opened again. And most of all, that pesky question that doesn't seem to be answered anytime soon; what's the meaning of all this, what's meaning of life?
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
DeVos hearing yesterday
I spent this morning reviewing the DeVos hearing from the senate last evening. Thank you C-SPAN for the as always excellent coverage. It's such a great resource to be able to hear and see Congress working every day.
If you are interested in seeing this hearing: HERE IS THE FULL COVERAGE it's about 3h 20min long, It's very interesting and extremely telling on how much time is spent on discussing with Senator Alexander (TN) on why the Democrats would like to have more than 5 min questions per person and one round. There's quite a bit of grandstanding and some quite obvious fibbing going on, politics when it isn't pretty you might say. It's also a great underlying philosophical debate on how differently you might view the educational system in a country, with how it should be governed (state or federal), and how it should be paid. This is to me the underlying fundamental difference between a lot of views, and being open about how to view this would go a long way in discussions and not getting bogged down in other details. Some people think "all children should have the same opportunity", some people think "all children should have similar opportunities but shouldn't stop companies from making money and being hindered by laws to do so", and some people just don't think "all children should have the same opportunities as long as my children have a great opportunity".
There are some, to me, really sad things in this hearing. First of all, that it is extremely hard and difficult for a nominee to say "Yes, I will work to uphold the (federal) law". This would be in the context of "would you uphold the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)" and the nominee responding by moving from state to state examples of their little thought.
this video shows what I am talking about. And Senator Maggie Hassan is excellent and eloquent in her questions and responses in regards to protecting all children under the federal law. (that DeVos said "she may have been confused about").
Of course, she didn't really answer a lot of the questions from the Democrats. Most of it was spending some time saying thank you and rerouting and rewording the questions, and then ending with a "I would leave it to the states" for a lot of it. The Republicans showered with praised on her generosity of helping with charter schools, voucher programs that help children who don't get challenged in public schools to move to better schools and keeping with the faith based morality. And of course - all the donations overall that makes her a wonderful, generous great person to become Secretary of Education.
The more obvious issues to me would be simplified in some bullet points:
And finally,
If you want to read more about this, this article, albeit biased since it only shows the Democratic questions and Ms. DeVos' answers, you can see some of the more upsetting answers (if you want a public school system for everyone and run by someone who knows educational issues and debate that has been going on for quite some time).
Overall, since I won't drag this out forever, you can read another piece of "what might happen in the future based on previous behaviour by Ms DeVos" in the WaPo. It's pretty enlightening and, I would think, very clear and nice if you like the idea of Christian charter schools and voucher plans. Just be honest and state it clear, like she did before the hearing "not everyone is meant to go to a great school".
A little honesty and a clear vision. Like how it was done in the 1800s before most countries in Europe decided to go with "public education for all children" to increase the equality and give children a chance regardless of how much money their parents earned, or their parents' educational level.
I know, I'm such an idealist.....
If you are interested in seeing this hearing: HERE IS THE FULL COVERAGE it's about 3h 20min long, It's very interesting and extremely telling on how much time is spent on discussing with Senator Alexander (TN) on why the Democrats would like to have more than 5 min questions per person and one round. There's quite a bit of grandstanding and some quite obvious fibbing going on, politics when it isn't pretty you might say. It's also a great underlying philosophical debate on how differently you might view the educational system in a country, with how it should be governed (state or federal), and how it should be paid. This is to me the underlying fundamental difference between a lot of views, and being open about how to view this would go a long way in discussions and not getting bogged down in other details. Some people think "all children should have the same opportunity", some people think "all children should have similar opportunities but shouldn't stop companies from making money and being hindered by laws to do so", and some people just don't think "all children should have the same opportunities as long as my children have a great opportunity".
There are some, to me, really sad things in this hearing. First of all, that it is extremely hard and difficult for a nominee to say "Yes, I will work to uphold the (federal) law". This would be in the context of "would you uphold the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)" and the nominee responding by moving from state to state examples of their little thought.
this video shows what I am talking about. And Senator Maggie Hassan is excellent and eloquent in her questions and responses in regards to protecting all children under the federal law. (that DeVos said "she may have been confused about").
Of course, she didn't really answer a lot of the questions from the Democrats. Most of it was spending some time saying thank you and rerouting and rewording the questions, and then ending with a "I would leave it to the states" for a lot of it. The Republicans showered with praised on her generosity of helping with charter schools, voucher programs that help children who don't get challenged in public schools to move to better schools and keeping with the faith based morality. And of course - all the donations overall that makes her a wonderful, generous great person to become Secretary of Education.
The more obvious issues to me would be simplified in some bullet points:
- If you don't answer the question "do you think everyone is entitled to a good school system" with a Yes, you are indeed saying No.
- If you don't answer "will you work to uphold the federal law" with a Yes, you are saying No.
- If you think schools should be allowed to have guns, please say so clearly instead of hiding behind "there might be a grizzly to protect from". We all know that's a red herring argument.
- If you don't know the biggest debate issues the last couple of years in Education, maybe you should have read up a little before the Hearing of the position when you are going to be in charge?
- I would've loved to hear more "do you know anyone who goes to, or have gone through public school system"? this since Ms DeVos has been quoted a lot of times in the past stating that no-one who goes through public schools goes on to become someone/succeed in life and that's why she want's to save children with the voucher system.
And finally,
- If you are going before a committee for a hearing on a Secretary position for the United States - please make sure that your CV is correct since "a clerical error" on claiming a position like "VP of a very wealthy and influential foundation" when claiming that's incorrect in person is pretty remarkable. Especially since that statement has been reported to the IRS for 14 years from the Foundation. It seems like that would be something you would like to check prior to ending up in front of the whole world.
If you want to read more about this, this article, albeit biased since it only shows the Democratic questions and Ms. DeVos' answers, you can see some of the more upsetting answers (if you want a public school system for everyone and run by someone who knows educational issues and debate that has been going on for quite some time).
Overall, since I won't drag this out forever, you can read another piece of "what might happen in the future based on previous behaviour by Ms DeVos" in the WaPo. It's pretty enlightening and, I would think, very clear and nice if you like the idea of Christian charter schools and voucher plans. Just be honest and state it clear, like she did before the hearing "not everyone is meant to go to a great school".
A little honesty and a clear vision. Like how it was done in the 1800s before most countries in Europe decided to go with "public education for all children" to increase the equality and give children a chance regardless of how much money their parents earned, or their parents' educational level.
I know, I'm such an idealist.....
Monday, January 09, 2017
2016 is dead, long live 2017
It's a little overdue - the post about 2016 ending but I was on vacation sans computer and now I'm back to business as usual....
So, what can I say about 2016? It wasn't one of my shiniest years. It wasn't the worst one, two or three, but it might be one of top ten of "not great ones". I think it might be easy and fair to say due to some specific occurrences I will be happy to leave this year and I am looking forward to what 2017 will bring.
The main reason 2016 wasn't great was that I ended up with a "routine" finding that led me to have surgery for the first time in 20 years. That in itself might not have been that bad, since the actual surgery was pretty fast and painless, but the stress levels before and after made me think way too much and I didn't really like where that headed. I also worked a little too much in the spring, being the person who covered for maternity leave while training two new people while maintaining my regular day job, which turned out to be.... a little stressful? I subsequently gained "a little" weight and wasn't too surprised when my feet started bothering me in the middle of June, indicating that barefoot was not going to happen during summer time.
On the bright side, while covering for the maternity leave I was surprised to find out that a lot of people found me very useful, helpful and good at my job. They gave me an ego boost and continued to let me and my bosses know that I was doing very well and being a resource to the work place. Other bright things was that regardless of the surgery and the weight gain I ran another half marathon and even if I didn't make my PR I listened to my body when my feet told me "we are numb and not liking this one bit" (and I came in faster than my first one so not too shabby). Also on the personal side, I found that my relationship was stronger than I thought and got support when I went into the rabbit hole of doom due to surgery and some other "not so great discoveries". I also had some friends who reared their head even though I didn't keep in contact with them and enjoyed their time. It showed me that I shouldn't be so harsh on myself and how I interact with others. The summer made me discovery how much I love reading books and how much I had lost the regular reading before bed. I ended up being old school voracious reader of my youth and going through more than 80 light reading/romance-like/fantasy novels (I know but boy was it nice to escape reality a little), and 40 more regular books (Rise of the Rocket Girls by Nathalia Holt being a close top book together with Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie). Also discovered Eudora Welty, such a great writer and photographer.
So, overall 2016 wasn't my favourite (I'm choosing not to dwell on a few other details on the bad side, they're there so trust me on that). The US election and the revelations it had on my work life and personal life are included in this too. Who knew I knew so many misogynous people? Or so many "alt-racists"? Or simply, so many people who like authoritarian men who take charge of women and other feeble minded people? At times I felt like turning into a rabid lesbian stereotype just to prove a point (that it shouldn't matter what women look like or act like or who we love or any other of the thousand things that came up in the debates or propaganda).
Since I want this to be a positive post, I'll start stating my hopes and dreams for 2017. It's really quite simple.
First, this is the year where I will know if I'm staying at my job for a longer time. If certain things aren't on the books (read promotion), I am going to have to look for new opportunities. In the long run I can't afford to stay in a job without any promotion strategies at all. I'm not at the level where I would feel comfortable staying "for the reminder of my career". Of course, this will be a little influenced if one of my papers get accepted into a CNS level journal since I then have a good reason for my ego to stay. "I still publish" and "I publish in great journals" (always in the middle of the authors mind you, but since my peers doesn't get on papers at all I see this as a great perk and indicating I am still doing science).
Secondly, my health will have to take a fore front place. There will be more yoga and stretching, if nothing else to combat this foot pain that is quite annoying and hurtful. I'm not wanting another piriformis injury on my body. It is also going to help my mental saneness by giving me endorphins as usual when I exercise. I'll keep running and hopefully break my idea of "good time for 10K" (i.e. under 60 mins).
Thirdly, I need to get back into writing. Both this blog, lablit and some personal dreamy projects that has been in the works for quite some time. I fear this will take a back seat for the first four months while I try and get my PMP certificate (see first goal and how they tie into each other). Hopefully I can keep this blog going with two posts a month, science and personal - maybe some hockey - and most likely some leadership/mentoring thoughts.
Fourth and last, this is where I continue on my quest/work to be more of a positive person who takes the future more in stride and not plan for all the negative things. I've faced the music a few times and it has showed me in stark reality how easy it is to get stuck in "negative mode" and I don't want that for me for the future. I'm not going to be one of those people who quips "there's a good lesson in getting cancer, see the good in it" but I will try to be one who doesn't paint the worst on the wall just because you can and you get scared. Nor will I succumb to automatically thinking negatively about others, my own body (I got my work cut out there, trust me) nor world futures. I think this will probably be the most important thing for me in the long run and something that will influence my relationships. It's really a lot of truth into looking at yourself and your life in perspective to other situations and be grateful for what you have. At least for me, this has turned out to be a good start and made me more of a happy (content?) person than before some of this happened.
The main reason 2016 wasn't great was that I ended up with a "routine" finding that led me to have surgery for the first time in 20 years. That in itself might not have been that bad, since the actual surgery was pretty fast and painless, but the stress levels before and after made me think way too much and I didn't really like where that headed. I also worked a little too much in the spring, being the person who covered for maternity leave while training two new people while maintaining my regular day job, which turned out to be.... a little stressful? I subsequently gained "a little" weight and wasn't too surprised when my feet started bothering me in the middle of June, indicating that barefoot was not going to happen during summer time.
On the bright side, while covering for the maternity leave I was surprised to find out that a lot of people found me very useful, helpful and good at my job. They gave me an ego boost and continued to let me and my bosses know that I was doing very well and being a resource to the work place. Other bright things was that regardless of the surgery and the weight gain I ran another half marathon and even if I didn't make my PR I listened to my body when my feet told me "we are numb and not liking this one bit" (and I came in faster than my first one so not too shabby). Also on the personal side, I found that my relationship was stronger than I thought and got support when I went into the rabbit hole of doom due to surgery and some other "not so great discoveries". I also had some friends who reared their head even though I didn't keep in contact with them and enjoyed their time. It showed me that I shouldn't be so harsh on myself and how I interact with others. The summer made me discovery how much I love reading books and how much I had lost the regular reading before bed. I ended up being old school voracious reader of my youth and going through more than 80 light reading/romance-like/fantasy novels (I know but boy was it nice to escape reality a little), and 40 more regular books (Rise of the Rocket Girls by Nathalia Holt being a close top book together with Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie). Also discovered Eudora Welty, such a great writer and photographer.
So, overall 2016 wasn't my favourite (I'm choosing not to dwell on a few other details on the bad side, they're there so trust me on that). The US election and the revelations it had on my work life and personal life are included in this too. Who knew I knew so many misogynous people? Or so many "alt-racists"? Or simply, so many people who like authoritarian men who take charge of women and other feeble minded people? At times I felt like turning into a rabid lesbian stereotype just to prove a point (that it shouldn't matter what women look like or act like or who we love or any other of the thousand things that came up in the debates or propaganda).
Since I want this to be a positive post, I'll start stating my hopes and dreams for 2017. It's really quite simple.
First, this is the year where I will know if I'm staying at my job for a longer time. If certain things aren't on the books (read promotion), I am going to have to look for new opportunities. In the long run I can't afford to stay in a job without any promotion strategies at all. I'm not at the level where I would feel comfortable staying "for the reminder of my career". Of course, this will be a little influenced if one of my papers get accepted into a CNS level journal since I then have a good reason for my ego to stay. "I still publish" and "I publish in great journals" (always in the middle of the authors mind you, but since my peers doesn't get on papers at all I see this as a great perk and indicating I am still doing science).
Secondly, my health will have to take a fore front place. There will be more yoga and stretching, if nothing else to combat this foot pain that is quite annoying and hurtful. I'm not wanting another piriformis injury on my body. It is also going to help my mental saneness by giving me endorphins as usual when I exercise. I'll keep running and hopefully break my idea of "good time for 10K" (i.e. under 60 mins).
Thirdly, I need to get back into writing. Both this blog, lablit and some personal dreamy projects that has been in the works for quite some time. I fear this will take a back seat for the first four months while I try and get my PMP certificate (see first goal and how they tie into each other). Hopefully I can keep this blog going with two posts a month, science and personal - maybe some hockey - and most likely some leadership/mentoring thoughts.
Fourth and last, this is where I continue on my quest/work to be more of a positive person who takes the future more in stride and not plan for all the negative things. I've faced the music a few times and it has showed me in stark reality how easy it is to get stuck in "negative mode" and I don't want that for me for the future. I'm not going to be one of those people who quips "there's a good lesson in getting cancer, see the good in it" but I will try to be one who doesn't paint the worst on the wall just because you can and you get scared. Nor will I succumb to automatically thinking negatively about others, my own body (I got my work cut out there, trust me) nor world futures. I think this will probably be the most important thing for me in the long run and something that will influence my relationships. It's really a lot of truth into looking at yourself and your life in perspective to other situations and be grateful for what you have. At least for me, this has turned out to be a good start and made me more of a happy (content?) person than before some of this happened.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
back to school - summer pleasures
I've been spending my summer working on not working so much. I thought it a good time to get back into the "let's have the weekends for other things than work". Subsequently I've been occupied reading books and having my computer turned off during the weekends (since I've identified the annoying habit of checking work related emails if I'm on said computer). This means that I've been spending a good amount of money on my kindle account. I have also realized exactly how vain I am since I would've never bought all of these books in a real store since a lot of the covers are.... well, let's say they have penchant for less clothed male chests. Apparently this is a thing in the "romance" genre. I wouldn't have known since I didn't see that in my kindle, just when I opened the kindle app on my ipad (for those evening reads when I didn't want the light on - I have a paper-white kindle).
I digress, as usual. If this was a "back to school, what did you do this summer edition" I would write it out as follows:
I went on a short but sweet vacation to the beach. Found out that I could ignore my environmental concern and rent a jet ski and LOVE the speed, the wind, the water, the sun and the notion that I could only worry about being in the now and there. The water was rough and the thrill spiked my adrenaline. It was a great reminder that I need to get back to down hill skiing in the winter. (Maybe Sundance by winter next year?)
I've read over 50 books since Memorial weekend (~3 months). Of course, I need to explain that there are ~35 "romance" books in there that range between 150 and 400 pages. Not the most complex books, nor taking too much time but a good relaxing idea of time sink (I traded tv series and computer/iPhone time with "sitting outside with a book"). My nickname as a teen was 'bokslukare' (literal translation> book devourer) so like a true bookworm I read while brushing my teeth, eating breakfast and stay up too late to "finish the chapter" - or riding the spinning bike/the elliptical at the gym if the book is really captivating. Yes, so that happened a few times... I had a couple/10 books in native language (it's still faster and a different read to me). And managed to add in a couple of historic American writers like Eudora Welty. If you haven't read her - she's amazing! Overall, I'm not adding all of those to the Goodreads challenge for the year (vain and can't stand admitting all the 35 books to people) but I'm on my way to finish the goal.
I've been jogging long runs every weekend even if it's been 90+ F degrees outside. It hasn't been fast, it's certainly not been pretty but it has happened. Last weekend it paid off since the weather was cooler and I made my fastest 5km in 3 years. Now I just need to keep the speed training and this year's half marathon might break the PR again. (here's to hope)
It's been a couple of friend outings, and even some family time to enjoy. A couple of skype sessions with old friends and rekindling those friendships. Work has still been very extrovert so my time away from work is tempting to go more into "all introvert mode and spending time in nature".
One major thing this summer has been me and my brain. It's way too loud at times. I know why I read a lot, since that shuts down my worry wort tendencies and my anxiety. I flee into the book world and all is fine. It's been especially obvious this summer since it marked my decade anniversary of moving to the States. With that came a lot of "what ifs" and "what will the next decade bring", not to mention "what have I accomplished all this time". I initially thought this post was going to be about "dreams - the lack or rewriting of them", but I think it's too private, not to mention too uninteresting.
However, I will say this one thing. I've been trying to come to terms with, and even embrace, that even if my life didn't turn out the way I had planned, hoped or dreamt of - it can still be pretty darn good and I can be happy. And that maybe my outlook on things can make my future dreams and hopes, if not come true, but turn them into happy and enjoyable things where I avoid bitterness and too many "what ifs" worrying. After all, there's only one life and I should make the best of it.
Fall is starting, and with that the falling of leaves, the shriveling of plants and soon it will be covered by snow in anticipation of the new life that comes along in spring. New shiny times. New experiences. New hope and dreams.
I digress, as usual. If this was a "back to school, what did you do this summer edition" I would write it out as follows:
I went on a short but sweet vacation to the beach. Found out that I could ignore my environmental concern and rent a jet ski and LOVE the speed, the wind, the water, the sun and the notion that I could only worry about being in the now and there. The water was rough and the thrill spiked my adrenaline. It was a great reminder that I need to get back to down hill skiing in the winter. (Maybe Sundance by winter next year?)
I've read over 50 books since Memorial weekend (~3 months). Of course, I need to explain that there are ~35 "romance" books in there that range between 150 and 400 pages. Not the most complex books, nor taking too much time but a good relaxing idea of time sink (I traded tv series and computer/iPhone time with "sitting outside with a book"). My nickname as a teen was 'bokslukare' (literal translation> book devourer) so like a true bookworm I read while brushing my teeth, eating breakfast and stay up too late to "finish the chapter" - or riding the spinning bike/the elliptical at the gym if the book is really captivating. Yes, so that happened a few times... I had a couple/10 books in native language (it's still faster and a different read to me). And managed to add in a couple of historic American writers like Eudora Welty. If you haven't read her - she's amazing! Overall, I'm not adding all of those to the Goodreads challenge for the year (vain and can't stand admitting all the 35 books to people) but I'm on my way to finish the goal.
I've been jogging long runs every weekend even if it's been 90+ F degrees outside. It hasn't been fast, it's certainly not been pretty but it has happened. Last weekend it paid off since the weather was cooler and I made my fastest 5km in 3 years. Now I just need to keep the speed training and this year's half marathon might break the PR again. (here's to hope)
It's been a couple of friend outings, and even some family time to enjoy. A couple of skype sessions with old friends and rekindling those friendships. Work has still been very extrovert so my time away from work is tempting to go more into "all introvert mode and spending time in nature".
One major thing this summer has been me and my brain. It's way too loud at times. I know why I read a lot, since that shuts down my worry wort tendencies and my anxiety. I flee into the book world and all is fine. It's been especially obvious this summer since it marked my decade anniversary of moving to the States. With that came a lot of "what ifs" and "what will the next decade bring", not to mention "what have I accomplished all this time". I initially thought this post was going to be about "dreams - the lack or rewriting of them", but I think it's too private, not to mention too uninteresting.
However, I will say this one thing. I've been trying to come to terms with, and even embrace, that even if my life didn't turn out the way I had planned, hoped or dreamt of - it can still be pretty darn good and I can be happy. And that maybe my outlook on things can make my future dreams and hopes, if not come true, but turn them into happy and enjoyable things where I avoid bitterness and too many "what ifs" worrying. After all, there's only one life and I should make the best of it.
Fall is starting, and with that the falling of leaves, the shriveling of plants and soon it will be covered by snow in anticipation of the new life that comes along in spring. New shiny times. New experiences. New hope and dreams.
Monday, July 25, 2016
most important for a woman: being likable
After reading this article in Slate about The Hillary Haters and contemplating the last few months at work when people who are scared that the changes will lead to a couple of people getting let go "but you are safe because He likes you", I'm back to the thought that the key aspect of being a woman today is to be likable (and attractive of course).
Remember the comments from leading RNC people describing Melania Trump (yes Newt, Chris and the retired colonel) "who care about the speech, she is attractive and likable".
And then listening & reading all the comments about Hillary... if she was a man, they'd be phrased a little different. They might still state "go to jail for emails" but I really doubt that they would emphasize the "robotic, manhating, non attractive" style as much.
This point was also raised in the UK when choosing their new prime minister Theresa May. She isn't attractive, although she also has another flaw - she is not a mother. Why this is important? Well, as far as I see a woman who is taking power is automatically going to be viewed as a "mother"["for the country" when talking about PM or President]. A mother should be warm, kind, likable, and potentially soft and malleable to her husband. Theresa May had her opponent (also a woman, notch) state that since she was a mother, and May isn't, she was more qualified to be prime minister. Yep. I'm tempted to dive into the sad stats which points to that a lot of women in power are childless (or affluent with specific childcare options) since again, the biggest gap between salary&power in men and women are when you look at "married men with children" compared to "married women with children". Women without children have a slight less gap to the males.... but I won't. Not now.
Anyway, am I overly pessimistic? Too feminist? Is it not against women per se but only against Hillary this hate and attractiveness concept?
Please let me know what you think since I'm getting very sad and tired and there are still three months left before the US election.
Remember the comments from leading RNC people describing Melania Trump (yes Newt, Chris and the retired colonel) "who care about the speech, she is attractive and likable".
And then listening & reading all the comments about Hillary... if she was a man, they'd be phrased a little different. They might still state "go to jail for emails" but I really doubt that they would emphasize the "robotic, manhating, non attractive" style as much.
This point was also raised in the UK when choosing their new prime minister Theresa May. She isn't attractive, although she also has another flaw - she is not a mother. Why this is important? Well, as far as I see a woman who is taking power is automatically going to be viewed as a "mother"["for the country" when talking about PM or President]. A mother should be warm, kind, likable, and potentially soft and malleable to her husband. Theresa May had her opponent (also a woman, notch) state that since she was a mother, and May isn't, she was more qualified to be prime minister. Yep. I'm tempted to dive into the sad stats which points to that a lot of women in power are childless (or affluent with specific childcare options) since again, the biggest gap between salary&power in men and women are when you look at "married men with children" compared to "married women with children". Women without children have a slight less gap to the males.... but I won't. Not now.
Anyway, am I overly pessimistic? Too feminist? Is it not against women per se but only against Hillary this hate and attractiveness concept?
Please let me know what you think since I'm getting very sad and tired and there are still three months left before the US election.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
12 days of Christmas - Day 1 "Leaving old job"
I think 12 days of Christmas is more likely to happen and be more fun than 12 months of blogging, since this year hasn't been my most productive year to say the least. So, here it goes.
(Addition after the fact. I found that I had covered some of this in my first two posts of the year: Transition Part 1 and Part 2. ah well, goes well with the looping of the year, doesn't it?)
Day 1 - Leaving old job
I thought that I had written about leaving my "industry" job last year but it seems like I haven't. It was my first permanent job and I was quite happy getting it after my post-doc. It was one of those "half entry level jobs" that didn't really have a career ladder when I started. I promptly told my then-boss that the likelihood of me staying more than 3-4 years was very slim since I didn't get the PhD and the post-doc to stay in a job forever without getting promoted and moving "upwards". Some might call it cocky? I thought it was good to talk about expectations early on in the job.
My main reason for getting that job, and for them to hire me, was that I needed to learn the GMP world of regulations. They needed a microbiologist & virus specialist to implement and train some new virus things, as well as some more generic microbiology things. It seemed like a match made in heaven. And so it was, for a few years.
After a slight reorganisation, new people in charge, some people were moved and some people were promoted - I got slightly new job responsibilities. Lots more responsibilities and even "signing off on important things". The one thing that didn't change though? My salary or job title.
I'm not really all that job savvy all the time. I've been told many times "dress for the job you want", "do the job to get promoted into the job" etc so at first I didn't really raise too many complaints about this new order. I was quite happy getting the increased responsibility since it meant "they liked my work ethic and trusted me" (hello ego check). We had a conversation with the big boss about getting me a promotion since there was an obvious gap in the department I was in and I would fit perfectly in that newly made position, which also covered the new responsibilities. All said and done, promises were made and "you will get that promotion soon".
Time went on. I got more responsibilities and yet, no change in title nor salary. After being led on for quite some time I decided that I could start playing a little more hard ball. As in when I was asked to sign off on certain things* when my boss was away I punted it upwards and stated "it's above my pay grade". Big boss agreed and signed off themselves. so... point made?! The chip finally dropped when the second budget got passed without making the promotion room (for me) happen. There were some other smaller things happening (men getting promoted and getting hired above me in other departments) and I realized that I would have to find a job and then negotiate based on that.
Said and done. One day I saw an ad for a project manager job in a non profit/academia. It sounded pretty nice, it was also paid more than I were getting. I applied, went for interviews and got my ducks in a row. The interview was very fun, I felt relaxed and connected with the people who met me and talked about the job. I was a little concerned about a few things, asked and got some pretty decent responses. Then the salary negotiations began. I didn't really excel in those - mainly because I wanted out of my old job. I had come to the realization during the application process that I was ready to move and ready to do something else. If you want out of your job, you don't play hard ball as much as needed** (more on this for another day since it's a good reminder for the future evaluations and incentives to stay).
I got offered the job. I asked my big boss for a chat. Told them that I had been offered a new job, higher up than my current one, and that I was ready to move on. They offered me an equivalent job right on the spot, complete with increased salary and position ladder move. I didn't want to play the "trust game" since nothing would've been legally binding and I had technically been "promised" a promotion the last x amount of months... so I kindly explained that I had been very excited about this new opportunity and wanted to take the leap over to Project Manager rather than staying in the lab. Big boss was understanding and still when I see them we chat. I gave them over a month's notice to finish off my projects and writing those final reports - that may have helped with the good ending?!
Moved over to start the next chapter of my career - project manager/coordinator outside of the bench but still working in science and even getting publications!.
*important thing for me was that these things would be stuff that eventually go into people in phase I trials. yeah... hello.... And really, I don't think they did it in a fair way to make the lowly paid person sign off on something that important.
**got reminded the other day since the yearly increase wasn't really to my liking. I had to mention that if this is the maximum incentive to do a great job - I'm less likely to stay several years in the same position. And I've already gotten some extra responsibilities and sign off duties. See a pattern? I do.
(Addition after the fact. I found that I had covered some of this in my first two posts of the year: Transition Part 1 and Part 2. ah well, goes well with the looping of the year, doesn't it?)
Day 1 - Leaving old job
I thought that I had written about leaving my "industry" job last year but it seems like I haven't. It was my first permanent job and I was quite happy getting it after my post-doc. It was one of those "half entry level jobs" that didn't really have a career ladder when I started. I promptly told my then-boss that the likelihood of me staying more than 3-4 years was very slim since I didn't get the PhD and the post-doc to stay in a job forever without getting promoted and moving "upwards". Some might call it cocky? I thought it was good to talk about expectations early on in the job.
My main reason for getting that job, and for them to hire me, was that I needed to learn the GMP world of regulations. They needed a microbiologist & virus specialist to implement and train some new virus things, as well as some more generic microbiology things. It seemed like a match made in heaven. And so it was, for a few years.
After a slight reorganisation, new people in charge, some people were moved and some people were promoted - I got slightly new job responsibilities. Lots more responsibilities and even "signing off on important things". The one thing that didn't change though? My salary or job title.
I'm not really all that job savvy all the time. I've been told many times "dress for the job you want", "do the job to get promoted into the job" etc so at first I didn't really raise too many complaints about this new order. I was quite happy getting the increased responsibility since it meant "they liked my work ethic and trusted me" (hello ego check). We had a conversation with the big boss about getting me a promotion since there was an obvious gap in the department I was in and I would fit perfectly in that newly made position, which also covered the new responsibilities. All said and done, promises were made and "you will get that promotion soon".
Time went on. I got more responsibilities and yet, no change in title nor salary. After being led on for quite some time I decided that I could start playing a little more hard ball. As in when I was asked to sign off on certain things* when my boss was away I punted it upwards and stated "it's above my pay grade". Big boss agreed and signed off themselves. so... point made?! The chip finally dropped when the second budget got passed without making the promotion room (for me) happen. There were some other smaller things happening (men getting promoted and getting hired above me in other departments) and I realized that I would have to find a job and then negotiate based on that.
Said and done. One day I saw an ad for a project manager job in a non profit/academia. It sounded pretty nice, it was also paid more than I were getting. I applied, went for interviews and got my ducks in a row. The interview was very fun, I felt relaxed and connected with the people who met me and talked about the job. I was a little concerned about a few things, asked and got some pretty decent responses. Then the salary negotiations began. I didn't really excel in those - mainly because I wanted out of my old job. I had come to the realization during the application process that I was ready to move and ready to do something else. If you want out of your job, you don't play hard ball as much as needed** (more on this for another day since it's a good reminder for the future evaluations and incentives to stay).
I got offered the job. I asked my big boss for a chat. Told them that I had been offered a new job, higher up than my current one, and that I was ready to move on. They offered me an equivalent job right on the spot, complete with increased salary and position ladder move. I didn't want to play the "trust game" since nothing would've been legally binding and I had technically been "promised" a promotion the last x amount of months... so I kindly explained that I had been very excited about this new opportunity and wanted to take the leap over to Project Manager rather than staying in the lab. Big boss was understanding and still when I see them we chat. I gave them over a month's notice to finish off my projects and writing those final reports - that may have helped with the good ending?!
Moved over to start the next chapter of my career - project manager/coordinator outside of the bench but still working in science and even getting publications!.
 |
| despair.com - demotivators |
*important thing for me was that these things would be stuff that eventually go into people in phase I trials. yeah... hello.... And really, I don't think they did it in a fair way to make the lowly paid person sign off on something that important.
**got reminded the other day since the yearly increase wasn't really to my liking. I had to mention that if this is the maximum incentive to do a great job - I'm less likely to stay several years in the same position. And I've already gotten some extra responsibilities and sign off duties. See a pattern? I do.
Friday, January 31, 2014
job transition part 2
So, new job - moving back to academia but not into my own research, and maybe not even authorship (this last part is something I should've asked when I applied, didn't and now will see how it ends up).
I mentioned that I moved into more of a project manager position the last couple of years in the "industry" world and that I did both that and the other parts like assay development and adhering to FDA regulations and stuff involved in that. All fun and challenging things, but it got a little much at times to both be at the bench and doing the planning/strategic work so when the opportunity presented itself to move away from the bench it seemed like a great time to try it.
I also talked it over with my former post-doc mentor who said "if you want to be decision making you need to move from the bench". And another mentor within pharma who reminded me that "your scientific knowledge is nothing anyone would question, however the people interaction and the soft skills need to come from your job description and right now you are not separated from the other 'scientists' in the field". That coupled with my ego thought that I wanted to move forward in my career and thinking "if not moving forward you are actually moving backwards, even if you are staying at the same level for too long" made me want to go for the jump and move into this "project manager" full time.
I asked the woman whom I am now working with in the project manager group (we're a small group divided into several projects/programs where each are responsible for our own things) what the biggest challenge had been for her when she started. "That some people see you as a glorified secretary. It's definitely an ego thing that you have to think about if you are willing to risk. Of course, it helps if you have a PhD but still, you are not the PI and some people think anyone can do what we do, not realising the science knowledge you need to make it work". I gave it quite the thought since I am a little bit too much invested in this ego thing.... Then I spoke to the PI who would be my boss and realised that he was aware of the potential problem here. He wanted me to have intellectual input on the science and that the skill set I brought would complement the group currently working with the project, not to mention that I would be the driver of the project and be in a unique position to help with getting these new treatments/regulations/"moving the field forward".... (yes, quite the ego smooth talking...)
Of course, this is what people say when they sell you on a project/job. What really happens when you start is usually another thing. So far though, I have to say that it's been pretty true - at least from management's pow. They want my input on science decisions, they leave a lot of detail to me to take care of and they let me run the ball on many things. It's an interesting, kind of scary feeling, to hear someone you have worked with for such a short time say "I'll leave it up to you, you know better than I what we need" and then they wait for your report, but so far so good. *knock wood*
What is it that I do? Well, since it's all about the pseud stuff but I work with cancer now. Leaving my precious microbes for the cancer treatment and potential new drugs. It was a pretty steep learning curve those first weeks with new computer programs, all the infrastructure, all the people (gosh the people I needed to learn the names and areas of) since I'm the "go to person who keeps everyone in the loop with each other", which means I'm working on my social extrovert skills on a daily basis. It's going pretty well I think, haven't heard too many bad things.
Then I have started writing up project plans for various areas, talking to pharma about our collaborations with their scientists and relaying the information to our scientist. All of which re enforces my feeling that they value my science background and my knowledge. Most of all though, I'm organizing and structurealising a lot of work. It's amazing to me that so many people do amazing research, yet have a little loss on the planning and details. I'm very happy to help though, and on top of my skills that I bring I've already learned a bunch of new things.
There has also been a little of a leadership development thing going on, starting up might be a better term. not sure what I want to write about that, but I can say this: It's not all that simple to be a woman from the north hanging around with all these southerners and their smiling passive aggressive "bless their hearts" when the directness of the north come knocking on the door of stress. All in a learning curve I tell ya.
The thing I miss the most (apart from those small strange moments when I miss my mice from my post doc days and my microbes in general) would be the lab bench and standing/moving around during the day. Gosh, there are days now when I sit in front of the computer, being in meetings and then not really move the whole day. So awkward feeling. I've started with mandatory "no elevators" and walking around the department every hour - if I'm not in a meeting. If not just to get the flab moving. And of course, sneaky me managed to get access and training on one of our very nice and cute robots the other day so now I can technically do some of the bench work. My mentor was not pleased "you are not going to be at the bench anymore, you're supposed to teach people project managing", but she saw the help I can provide and that it's not a permanent thing. that would be way not-cost-effective if nothing else...
Ah well, way too late to stay up right now! I need to get some sleep before an exciting new day at "the new job". When does it stop being "the new job" and "just the job" by the way? It's not been 100 days yet but maybe after that?
I mentioned that I moved into more of a project manager position the last couple of years in the "industry" world and that I did both that and the other parts like assay development and adhering to FDA regulations and stuff involved in that. All fun and challenging things, but it got a little much at times to both be at the bench and doing the planning/strategic work so when the opportunity presented itself to move away from the bench it seemed like a great time to try it.
I also talked it over with my former post-doc mentor who said "if you want to be decision making you need to move from the bench". And another mentor within pharma who reminded me that "your scientific knowledge is nothing anyone would question, however the people interaction and the soft skills need to come from your job description and right now you are not separated from the other 'scientists' in the field". That coupled with my ego thought that I wanted to move forward in my career and thinking "if not moving forward you are actually moving backwards, even if you are staying at the same level for too long" made me want to go for the jump and move into this "project manager" full time.
I asked the woman whom I am now working with in the project manager group (we're a small group divided into several projects/programs where each are responsible for our own things) what the biggest challenge had been for her when she started. "That some people see you as a glorified secretary. It's definitely an ego thing that you have to think about if you are willing to risk. Of course, it helps if you have a PhD but still, you are not the PI and some people think anyone can do what we do, not realising the science knowledge you need to make it work". I gave it quite the thought since I am a little bit too much invested in this ego thing.... Then I spoke to the PI who would be my boss and realised that he was aware of the potential problem here. He wanted me to have intellectual input on the science and that the skill set I brought would complement the group currently working with the project, not to mention that I would be the driver of the project and be in a unique position to help with getting these new treatments/regulations/"moving the field forward".... (yes, quite the ego smooth talking...)
Of course, this is what people say when they sell you on a project/job. What really happens when you start is usually another thing. So far though, I have to say that it's been pretty true - at least from management's pow. They want my input on science decisions, they leave a lot of detail to me to take care of and they let me run the ball on many things. It's an interesting, kind of scary feeling, to hear someone you have worked with for such a short time say "I'll leave it up to you, you know better than I what we need" and then they wait for your report, but so far so good. *knock wood*
What is it that I do? Well, since it's all about the pseud stuff but I work with cancer now. Leaving my precious microbes for the cancer treatment and potential new drugs. It was a pretty steep learning curve those first weeks with new computer programs, all the infrastructure, all the people (gosh the people I needed to learn the names and areas of) since I'm the "go to person who keeps everyone in the loop with each other", which means I'm working on my social extrovert skills on a daily basis. It's going pretty well I think, haven't heard too many bad things.
Then I have started writing up project plans for various areas, talking to pharma about our collaborations with their scientists and relaying the information to our scientist. All of which re enforces my feeling that they value my science background and my knowledge. Most of all though, I'm organizing and structurealising a lot of work. It's amazing to me that so many people do amazing research, yet have a little loss on the planning and details. I'm very happy to help though, and on top of my skills that I bring I've already learned a bunch of new things.
There has also been a little of a leadership development thing going on, starting up might be a better term. not sure what I want to write about that, but I can say this: It's not all that simple to be a woman from the north hanging around with all these southerners and their smiling passive aggressive "bless their hearts" when the directness of the north come knocking on the door of stress. All in a learning curve I tell ya.
The thing I miss the most (apart from those small strange moments when I miss my mice from my post doc days and my microbes in general) would be the lab bench and standing/moving around during the day. Gosh, there are days now when I sit in front of the computer, being in meetings and then not really move the whole day. So awkward feeling. I've started with mandatory "no elevators" and walking around the department every hour - if I'm not in a meeting. If not just to get the flab moving. And of course, sneaky me managed to get access and training on one of our very nice and cute robots the other day so now I can technically do some of the bench work. My mentor was not pleased "you are not going to be at the bench anymore, you're supposed to teach people project managing", but she saw the help I can provide and that it's not a permanent thing. that would be way not-cost-effective if nothing else...
Ah well, way too late to stay up right now! I need to get some sleep before an exciting new day at "the new job". When does it stop being "the new job" and "just the job" by the way? It's not been 100 days yet but maybe after that?
Thursday, January 23, 2014
job transition part 1
So, here it is, a few weeks into the new year and my little resolution - the post about my new job and why I moved from my own and what I have learned so far... or maybe more, what I have realized that I am lately. Old. At least compared to the new coworkers in the lab. It's funny, I feel like I've really grabbed some of that life experience and that I can actually be of service and help with my knowledge. Now I do have to work on being viewed as a "know it all" (I'll come back to that later) but all in all, I think I can live with that.
Back story, my old job working in that industry-like job with all the FDA regulations and assay developments was really much fun. I liked adhering to the rules, learning lots about them and getting the opportunity to do both assay development and research as well as more industry audit stuff. Anyway, after a few years in the same position and getting the hang of the job, I was happy when we got some new people into the group. I ended up teaching them a lot of the regulations, the assays, the work flow... you know... "the job". And somewhere here I sort of started thinking about promotion and "furthering my career".
I had a chat with my former boss when I started my old job that I wouldn't think that I would stay longer than 3-5 years without a promotion/change of job. Partly because I've never had a job longer than 5 years, partly because of my personality where I like (crave) to learn new things and get more experience and I think that the job needs to change accordingly. Said and done, after a few years in my position and when I had become the senior person in the group, we had a sit down with big boss and mapped out the career path for me and the group so I would be in a good place. Then time passed and i waited for these plans to come to fruition. Since I've never been much of a money driven person, I didn't really pay too much attention to it, even though my actual job duties changed to a lot more responsibilities and signing off paperwork etc and I wasn't too desperate about the situation that I had ended up in. "It'll all be cleared soon since I'm working so hard and showing them that I am a team player" was my thinking.
However, what I am not in money I make up in the interest of pride... and what your position is called is linked to said pride. I think this was one of the straws that broke the camels back so to speak, when I realized that we hired new people with less experience and in one case even education but they came in "above" me and nothing happened with the "promise" that is was going to change. At the same time I was clearly taking on huge responsibilities and being asked to sign for pretty important things although my job title really didn't say that, nor did my pay check.
And then I saw the job advert that seemed very much fun, not to mention a combination of a promotion/upwards mobility on the career ladder (or so I thought at least) and a challenge for me (and changing the research field ever so slightly). Said and done, I applied since you can't expect anything to happen if you don't try.
And I kept quiet that I applied. I felt bad about it, but I've noticed that there can be issues with people applying to other places and the discontent from other coworkers so I decided not to tell anyone at this stage. After all, I wasn't sure they would call me for an interview nor that anything would happen.
I got the interview, or a lot of them rather. I passed with flying colours and started thinking that this might end up with an offer. Then my next line of thoughts were "what if I tell my boss that I'm offered this new job, maybe they will counter offer"? And with that the very important question, would I accept the old job with a promotion and stay, or move to the new job anyway?
It took so many days and agonizing thoughts on how to attack this, what did I want in the long run? etc. The promotion in my old place would've meant "Senior Scientist" - something I have wanted for a long time (obviously). The new job meant "Project/Program Manager" and a new line of work, new research area and more "proof that I can work with people and have that skill set". In the end I got offered the new job, the old job with promotion* and I chose to leave on good terms and start my new gig.
I have been in my new place for a few months, so far I have heard that they like me and want to keep me. (If they didn't want to, I could actually ask to come back to my old place since "there is always a place for you here". And I don't really think it's just a saying, they really miss my line of expertise there.. not to mention that I gave more than a month notice, finished several reports and am almost ready with the last one now, answered a phone call this week about a procedure and how to do it, so clearly, they got a lot of free work/support from me - I call it work ethic).
Next post will be more on what I do for a living right now but I thought this part might be interesting as well?
In short: I was a bench scientist. I liked it. I didn't get a promotion. I thought I could earn it. Other people got hired above me. I got a new job with better pay and different responsibilities. I'm not a bench person anymore. I miss bench work but I hope I can get over it when I start with the data analysis very soon and in the meantime I'm the backup bench person for a group of people... so I think I'm doing OK.
*I made the comment at the time "maybe they will realise that some people don't wait for unicorns". I think it rang true, since my leaving made a lot of hings fall into place that had been placed on hold i.e. re-structuring. (Good) people leaving usually lead to that, it's just a question who is taking the fall and leaving.
Back story, my old job working in that industry-like job with all the FDA regulations and assay developments was really much fun. I liked adhering to the rules, learning lots about them and getting the opportunity to do both assay development and research as well as more industry audit stuff. Anyway, after a few years in the same position and getting the hang of the job, I was happy when we got some new people into the group. I ended up teaching them a lot of the regulations, the assays, the work flow... you know... "the job". And somewhere here I sort of started thinking about promotion and "furthering my career".
I had a chat with my former boss when I started my old job that I wouldn't think that I would stay longer than 3-5 years without a promotion/change of job. Partly because I've never had a job longer than 5 years, partly because of my personality where I like (crave) to learn new things and get more experience and I think that the job needs to change accordingly. Said and done, after a few years in my position and when I had become the senior person in the group, we had a sit down with big boss and mapped out the career path for me and the group so I would be in a good place. Then time passed and i waited for these plans to come to fruition. Since I've never been much of a money driven person, I didn't really pay too much attention to it, even though my actual job duties changed to a lot more responsibilities and signing off paperwork etc and I wasn't too desperate about the situation that I had ended up in. "It'll all be cleared soon since I'm working so hard and showing them that I am a team player" was my thinking.
However, what I am not in money I make up in the interest of pride... and what your position is called is linked to said pride. I think this was one of the straws that broke the camels back so to speak, when I realized that we hired new people with less experience and in one case even education but they came in "above" me and nothing happened with the "promise" that is was going to change. At the same time I was clearly taking on huge responsibilities and being asked to sign for pretty important things although my job title really didn't say that, nor did my pay check.
And then I saw the job advert that seemed very much fun, not to mention a combination of a promotion/upwards mobility on the career ladder (or so I thought at least) and a challenge for me (and changing the research field ever so slightly). Said and done, I applied since you can't expect anything to happen if you don't try.
And I kept quiet that I applied. I felt bad about it, but I've noticed that there can be issues with people applying to other places and the discontent from other coworkers so I decided not to tell anyone at this stage. After all, I wasn't sure they would call me for an interview nor that anything would happen.
I got the interview, or a lot of them rather. I passed with flying colours and started thinking that this might end up with an offer. Then my next line of thoughts were "what if I tell my boss that I'm offered this new job, maybe they will counter offer"? And with that the very important question, would I accept the old job with a promotion and stay, or move to the new job anyway?
It took so many days and agonizing thoughts on how to attack this, what did I want in the long run? etc. The promotion in my old place would've meant "Senior Scientist" - something I have wanted for a long time (obviously). The new job meant "Project/Program Manager" and a new line of work, new research area and more "proof that I can work with people and have that skill set". In the end I got offered the new job, the old job with promotion* and I chose to leave on good terms and start my new gig.
I have been in my new place for a few months, so far I have heard that they like me and want to keep me. (If they didn't want to, I could actually ask to come back to my old place since "there is always a place for you here". And I don't really think it's just a saying, they really miss my line of expertise there.. not to mention that I gave more than a month notice, finished several reports and am almost ready with the last one now, answered a phone call this week about a procedure and how to do it, so clearly, they got a lot of free work/support from me - I call it work ethic).
Next post will be more on what I do for a living right now but I thought this part might be interesting as well?
In short: I was a bench scientist. I liked it. I didn't get a promotion. I thought I could earn it. Other people got hired above me. I got a new job with better pay and different responsibilities. I'm not a bench person anymore. I miss bench work but I hope I can get over it when I start with the data analysis very soon and in the meantime I'm the backup bench person for a group of people... so I think I'm doing OK.
*I made the comment at the time "maybe they will realise that some people don't wait for unicorns". I think it rang true, since my leaving made a lot of hings fall into place that had been placed on hold i.e. re-structuring. (Good) people leaving usually lead to that, it's just a question who is taking the fall and leaving.
Thursday, January 09, 2014
New Year's Resolutions and blogging
I've never been good at giving New Years' resolutions, nor keeping them. I like the idea of reflecting about the passed year, think about changes that might be good to make and then try to make them, just not as "promises" or "resolutions".
Then came this December and I realised that 2012 marks my lowest amounts of blogging posts since I started the whole blogging thing. I'm not really sure why. I could say something like "I'm the most creative when sad" and I haven't been as sad in 2012, but that wouldn't be completely true (it's not the best, it's just the darkest and most whiny and 2012 has had its ups and downs as most of my years).
I sort of decided somewhere along the line not to write too much whining and not as much venting, nor too much details from work not too personal, all of which combined clearly lead the posts to dry out. I tried to write more sciency pieces but I wanted to get all the facts right and then it became a little longer time and then things dragged out... And then there was the beginning of the new job, which is more computer based and when I get home after work I am not at all as interested in sitting down in front of my laptop again.
All these explanations and excuses are nice in theory, but the truth is that I miss blogging and think that maybe this year it will work if I make a promise to write - if not once a week as I first thought - but at least biweekly. I¨m hoping to find that nice middle ground between personal & private and the work-life balance.
For now though, it's time to go to bed and sleep. After finishing another episode of Dexter, I'm a little late to the party but I'm making up for lost time....
Then came this December and I realised that 2012 marks my lowest amounts of blogging posts since I started the whole blogging thing. I'm not really sure why. I could say something like "I'm the most creative when sad" and I haven't been as sad in 2012, but that wouldn't be completely true (it's not the best, it's just the darkest and most whiny and 2012 has had its ups and downs as most of my years).
I sort of decided somewhere along the line not to write too much whining and not as much venting, nor too much details from work not too personal, all of which combined clearly lead the posts to dry out. I tried to write more sciency pieces but I wanted to get all the facts right and then it became a little longer time and then things dragged out... And then there was the beginning of the new job, which is more computer based and when I get home after work I am not at all as interested in sitting down in front of my laptop again.
All these explanations and excuses are nice in theory, but the truth is that I miss blogging and think that maybe this year it will work if I make a promise to write - if not once a week as I first thought - but at least biweekly. I¨m hoping to find that nice middle ground between personal & private and the work-life balance.
For now though, it's time to go to bed and sleep. After finishing another episode of Dexter, I'm a little late to the party but I'm making up for lost time....
Friday, December 13, 2013
interlude
Where has time flown? Almost two months since last post and start of new job, and the least amount of blog posts in a year since I started this blog. I fully intended to revisit the "new job" and what it entails and science career and things like that. Well, I will - just not today but very soon.
I've been very busy and realized that even if I love learning new things, I have problems with the frustration of not "getting it" right away and being perfectly functioning in my new role. Funny enough, I found my old blog post about starting a new job, which also reminded me yet again why blogging is good. It's safe to assume that there is a blog post out there, maybe not written by you but someone else, dealing with just the stuff you are dealing with. Great to know, and great to be reminded yet again. I think my new resolution will be to go back to blogging more regularly, since not only do i miss it but think it is a good practice in writing and sharing.
Until next time, revisit Fat girl with cookie but remember that "that was then, this is now" and it is different now since this time I'm returning to research and publishing (maybe even for me, not quite clear just yet) and the "front end of science", where findings might lead to the clinical trials and new treatments and drugs. Most of all, I'm getting to use all the experience I got in my last job working in the regulated pharma world and combine it with my old research background. Good to feel that all those mice did not die in vain, the dog years did not get spent uselessly and that I can help people make good choices in science for the future. Pretty cool and quite the happy thought for the person who has been known to have a rain cloud over the head like Eeyore every so often.
Here's to next post, hopefully very soon!
I've been very busy and realized that even if I love learning new things, I have problems with the frustration of not "getting it" right away and being perfectly functioning in my new role. Funny enough, I found my old blog post about starting a new job, which also reminded me yet again why blogging is good. It's safe to assume that there is a blog post out there, maybe not written by you but someone else, dealing with just the stuff you are dealing with. Great to know, and great to be reminded yet again. I think my new resolution will be to go back to blogging more regularly, since not only do i miss it but think it is a good practice in writing and sharing.
Until next time, revisit Fat girl with cookie but remember that "that was then, this is now" and it is different now since this time I'm returning to research and publishing (maybe even for me, not quite clear just yet) and the "front end of science", where findings might lead to the clinical trials and new treatments and drugs. Most of all, I'm getting to use all the experience I got in my last job working in the regulated pharma world and combine it with my old research background. Good to feel that all those mice did not die in vain, the dog years did not get spent uselessly and that I can help people make good choices in science for the future. Pretty cool and quite the happy thought for the person who has been known to have a rain cloud over the head like Eeyore every so often.
Here's to next post, hopefully very soon!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Handing in my letter
I handed in my letter of resignation a few weeks ago. It is time to move on and do something new. It's been a good couple of years but a few things have happened the last year to which I realised that I don't have to stay and wait for things to change but rather change them myself. That said, I waited and gave it over a year. Then I started looking for new things to do. A very interesting job came up, in an area I sort of have worked in before - but not really - and I can perhaps start getting another certification in the future. This means leaving the bench but not leaving science. I might even get to be on future papers, that's an open door depending on what happens.
So, these last few days at my old job are stressful. I need to finish a lot of my reports, assays and hand off a few crucial pieces that I have been working on. It will be nice to be done. It will be exciting, yet terrifying, to start a new job. I don't deal with change great, but I'm hoping that I will find a new routine soon enough (maybe Christmas?) and get this new gig working fine. Of course, there is always that looming feeling in the back of my head that "you will not make this work" since this job will be far greater people interaction than ever before. (Hello, I'm an introvert.) Not to mention that I am leaving what I've done and trained for the last decade and more (the bench work I've been pretty good at). However, everyone I've met so far are impressed with my people skills, and the references pointed out that I am a very focused and people conscientious person.... (as long as I'm not too stressed and you are not responding to me)... so I'm taking it on a hunch and will try this new thing. Hopefully I didn't get too attracted to the shiny allure of them liking me, but rather that I like the job and them.
I will try to write a little about the journey to get a new job, the leadership class I've taken that have shown me why I think I will be good at this new gig, and how to end on a good note. For now, all I can say is that most everyone at my job have responded with "you gave them 4 weeks? gosh, I would've been out of here within 2 weeks if possible" indicating that I don't only have a sense of "if this new job goes south, I might be able to come back" but also that I don't see the point in leaving on a bad note.
Next stop; new gig.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
placeholder
I found myself having these 'placeholders' when I was working on a presentation the other week. The slide in the presentation where I knew I wanted (needed) to say something about X but didn't know quite what or how. And then I moved on to the next slide and worked on that one, and next and next...
I've started writing blog posts the last couple of weeks but they've never made it to complete. Only drafts with introduction paragraphs and then a couple of sentences within brackets [need to elaborate] [fate, life, something on path] [mention that comment about career advice] [would it work without bench work?] [career - natural progression stepping into manager role] but not completed and worth reading.
Finding the time and energy to finish them would be great but these last weeks have been full with visitors from out of state (and country). Wonderful, happy times with family and friends, but together with working and trying to juggle some other responsibilities - a little busy. I'm looking forward to a few weeks out when I might take a weekend into the woods and just relax (actually riding my new mountain bike with front suspension through the forrest! So much fun!).
So for now, this is a placeholder for when I can write about some of those things that are rolling around. The maybe change that isn't as much a change but a new angle to something old, a slight turn in the road but still going forward. Exciting new times, new bumps and opportunities - that's what they say :)
I've started writing blog posts the last couple of weeks but they've never made it to complete. Only drafts with introduction paragraphs and then a couple of sentences within brackets [need to elaborate] [fate, life, something on path] [mention that comment about career advice] [would it work without bench work?] [career - natural progression stepping into manager role] but not completed and worth reading.
Finding the time and energy to finish them would be great but these last weeks have been full with visitors from out of state (and country). Wonderful, happy times with family and friends, but together with working and trying to juggle some other responsibilities - a little busy. I'm looking forward to a few weeks out when I might take a weekend into the woods and just relax (actually riding my new mountain bike with front suspension through the forrest! So much fun!).
So for now, this is a placeholder for when I can write about some of those things that are rolling around. The maybe change that isn't as much a change but a new angle to something old, a slight turn in the road but still going forward. Exciting new times, new bumps and opportunities - that's what they say :)
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Six year anniversary
I don't know the actual date I started this blog but it was right about this time in the breakpoint between August and September six years ago. I was a brand-spanking-new post doc in a country far away from safe home. And my life was about to change in so many ways and I needed some advice, a venting ground where no one knew me and could identify me.
Now, a few years out of post-doc life, still living in post-doc city working away with science in a newish format (more paper work adhering to FDA regulations, less writing and publishing papers). I’m more surprised by the notion that I still live in post-doc city (PDC) since this marks the longest time I have ever stayed in one city since I moved away from home at age 19… My university experience was broken up between undergrad and grad school, going away to another far away country and when coming back having a “natural” break with old undergraduate friends and finding new normal as a graduate student.
The most surprising realization after noting the 6 year anniversary of the blog? Living here in PDC for six years?! Never would have thought it. Didn’t plan it. Didn’t really want it. Having this blog as the longest one address, apart from my old email address from 1996, since I’ve moved several times these six years… and by far the longest I have ‘resided’ anywhere (my IRL longest experience in a house/apartment is 2 years). When you think about all that, maybe it isn’t too strange that I am slightly surprised about the course of my life?
But I wanted to rant about the blog today. As I said, when I started it was a turbulent time. Lots of venting about the harsh climate as a post-doc (those lab meetings…) and the more turbulent and confusing private life (alone in a faraway country), and even then a little trickle of sports now and then. The more years added on the blogging experience, the less obviously identifiable people from the world of science (no more blatant lab ventings) and more generic things. Maybe more venting emo posts about life and the meaning of friendship etc… in times when the loneliness and confusion were running high. I’ve erased some of the more pathetic ones, it’s like re-reading your journal from teen years, no one should really do that, and tried to keep in line with the more sciency/politics/world rants.
I wonder where I will go now. I miss writing these more thought out posts, with a point in them. And I have started to second guess the meaning/enjoyment of the posts… are they read? Funny, in the beginning I didn’t care that much. It was more like sitting down in a bar, having a drink and opening your heart out for any stranger who was unfortunate enough to sit next by listening… and then some days getting a comment with some nice words (or sometimes a more ‘get a grip and get over it’ type of sentiment) which still meant that I wasn’t alone in the whole world… yes, emotions and I go way back ;)
I’m thinking about doing a little chore for the next couple of weeks/months, setting up a schedule to write more regularly and maybe even with a little more intent to be interesting/relevant? I’ll mull it over on this long weekend as we have here in the USA, Labor Day weekend and I would be happy to see what you think, in the kind of comments and feedback from the fold....
Happy long weekend (soon!).
Now, a few years out of post-doc life, still living in post-doc city working away with science in a newish format (more paper work adhering to FDA regulations, less writing and publishing papers). I’m more surprised by the notion that I still live in post-doc city (PDC) since this marks the longest time I have ever stayed in one city since I moved away from home at age 19… My university experience was broken up between undergrad and grad school, going away to another far away country and when coming back having a “natural” break with old undergraduate friends and finding new normal as a graduate student.
The most surprising realization after noting the 6 year anniversary of the blog? Living here in PDC for six years?! Never would have thought it. Didn’t plan it. Didn’t really want it. Having this blog as the longest one address, apart from my old email address from 1996, since I’ve moved several times these six years… and by far the longest I have ‘resided’ anywhere (my IRL longest experience in a house/apartment is 2 years). When you think about all that, maybe it isn’t too strange that I am slightly surprised about the course of my life?
But I wanted to rant about the blog today. As I said, when I started it was a turbulent time. Lots of venting about the harsh climate as a post-doc (those lab meetings…) and the more turbulent and confusing private life (alone in a faraway country), and even then a little trickle of sports now and then. The more years added on the blogging experience, the less obviously identifiable people from the world of science (no more blatant lab ventings) and more generic things. Maybe more venting emo posts about life and the meaning of friendship etc… in times when the loneliness and confusion were running high. I’ve erased some of the more pathetic ones, it’s like re-reading your journal from teen years, no one should really do that, and tried to keep in line with the more sciency/politics/world rants.
I wonder where I will go now. I miss writing these more thought out posts, with a point in them. And I have started to second guess the meaning/enjoyment of the posts… are they read? Funny, in the beginning I didn’t care that much. It was more like sitting down in a bar, having a drink and opening your heart out for any stranger who was unfortunate enough to sit next by listening… and then some days getting a comment with some nice words (or sometimes a more ‘get a grip and get over it’ type of sentiment) which still meant that I wasn’t alone in the whole world… yes, emotions and I go way back ;)
I’m thinking about doing a little chore for the next couple of weeks/months, setting up a schedule to write more regularly and maybe even with a little more intent to be interesting/relevant? I’ll mull it over on this long weekend as we have here in the USA, Labor Day weekend and I would be happy to see what you think, in the kind of comments and feedback from the fold....
Happy long weekend (soon!).
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
visas.... post doc running out... things change... quickly?
It's been a pretty intense spring so far... Involving a few things at work that not mentionable, some that are. There has been a few deadlines of assays that needed to be "fixed", reports needing to be written (as people wanted them to be) and production snafus that needed "sorting out". And in the middle of that, me - with my little stress heart of "wanting to do the right thing and not really feeling that everyone was doing their best for the team". The last part has been something I've tried to work on, mostly since it means I've spent a lot of time processing the "why not do more?" and "what is really enough?". Well, you can't change other people. First rule, but I always seem to slightly forget that.
Anyhow, last week was a good thing. I got results from another source "proving" my results were accurate. That was good since I've been banging my head against the wall trying to show D and it didn't really happen. Results from other source proved that my results weren't wrong but in fact... we needed some tweaking and a new type of reagent.
Then the "non-me" issue happened. A friend of mine, post doc from another country, really found out that it's too late to renew the visa... the work contract as a post doc is up in the fall time but even if there was an extension, which I sort of thought would happen all alone, that wouldn't help. The visa will only be extended if there is a longer contract. Somewhere in this I should've known. They should've known. I blame not thinking too much about that time three years ago when my visa was up, and my contract wasn't prolonged (at the time in spring, come late August with my paper - a whole other story)... then again, my visa was different since the embassy corrected an earlier mistake and I actually got a visa for longer than my contract. On a side note, it's been pretty scary realising now that it could've been so much worse at that time since then I would've been in their situation.... It was a superstressful time for me even if I wasn't completely thrown out with the water (I wonder if English have that wording; throw the baby out with the bathwater?)
Anyhow, I have such a hard time with this since my friend is not the first, nor I bet the last, to go through this at my place of employment. After all, they knew when they entered the "last year" of postdocing that the visa was going to be an issue.... and they are not even EUcitizens (made it slightly easier for me since I could apply for jobs all over Europe, and certain types of jobs in the US). AFAIK, from my own experience, there are a limited number of jobs to apply for outside of research academia in the US as a non-citizen/non-green card holder... many of the industry jobs I looked at then was limited to "not applicable for non-green card holders" since the companies didn't want to sponsor the green card (or bother to help with the process since the sponsor process isn't all about money but time as well, if the applicant is good enough).
The only thing that I know for sure though, is that since a couple of years it is way easier to apply for a green card as a "visiting researcher" than it was say 10 years ago. It might cost you a fee for applying, $500, and maybe a lawyer fee of up to $4000, but in the end that is not as much money - imho - if you think you are going to stay in the US. That said, I only paid the smaller fee and then I did the GC application on my own (had a few helping things from professional people and a job offer that helped of course). It involved asking x amount of "distinguished professors in the world" for a letter of recommendation (I think I got 6) within three weeks though... It helped immensely (for my self esteem if nothing else) that my former post doc mentor wrote a glowing letter that I never thought I'd see about myself. (Seriously, I'm not used to seeing "bringing novel knowledge to the field" and "being an important part of moving the field forward with her research".) All though, in the bigger picture not untrue, I just don't normally see my papers in that light... and I am in research so, there is a bigger picture there too (the GC was partly into the "important for the research of US in the future" - non of which made less impact on my self image, which wasn't the biggest important person in the world at the time...)
My post doc mentor was important, but the other five were as important (I just got very happy and proud my mentor did that for me, long story). Their letters were equally glowing, as you would expect for an American Immigration audience to read. * I mean this is in a sort of "reality check" point since not only do I come from a place where the Letters of recommendations seldom have words of "excellence" in them but rather toned down and good, but not well... if you know what I mean? By the way, it's sort of tradition back home to add a section of "not so good performance" in the Letters of recommendations since no one is perfect... in America I'm still not convinced this happens?!
Anyhow, this turned to be a bit of sidetrack. I'm still reeling a little from my friend and their future.... and I will try to make the best of my help. But regardless, it leaves a slight tummy feeling that this all "post docing in another country" isn't really all that since you end up at mercy of your post-doc mentor way more than if you were safe in your own country without the harrowing need of a visa to even apply for the future of your career. I'm sure I'm not saying anything people haven't thought about before. And I'm not even sure I should be surprised. What I do know though, is that it is a tough situation to be in (maybe especially if you have no one else around you, i.e. spouse, so you're all alone with the fears, doubts and scary thoughts?)
I guess I needed to vent since I'm losing a good friend very soon and I had been very good at pushing it away since I thought "it was going to sort out with the extension"?
Anyhow, last week was a good thing. I got results from another source "proving" my results were accurate. That was good since I've been banging my head against the wall trying to show D and it didn't really happen. Results from other source proved that my results weren't wrong but in fact... we needed some tweaking and a new type of reagent.
Then the "non-me" issue happened. A friend of mine, post doc from another country, really found out that it's too late to renew the visa... the work contract as a post doc is up in the fall time but even if there was an extension, which I sort of thought would happen all alone, that wouldn't help. The visa will only be extended if there is a longer contract. Somewhere in this I should've known. They should've known. I blame not thinking too much about that time three years ago when my visa was up, and my contract wasn't prolonged (at the time in spring, come late August with my paper - a whole other story)... then again, my visa was different since the embassy corrected an earlier mistake and I actually got a visa for longer than my contract. On a side note, it's been pretty scary realising now that it could've been so much worse at that time since then I would've been in their situation.... It was a superstressful time for me even if I wasn't completely thrown out with the water (I wonder if English have that wording; throw the baby out with the bathwater?)
Anyhow, I have such a hard time with this since my friend is not the first, nor I bet the last, to go through this at my place of employment. After all, they knew when they entered the "last year" of postdocing that the visa was going to be an issue.... and they are not even EUcitizens (made it slightly easier for me since I could apply for jobs all over Europe, and certain types of jobs in the US). AFAIK, from my own experience, there are a limited number of jobs to apply for outside of research academia in the US as a non-citizen/non-green card holder... many of the industry jobs I looked at then was limited to "not applicable for non-green card holders" since the companies didn't want to sponsor the green card (or bother to help with the process since the sponsor process isn't all about money but time as well, if the applicant is good enough).
The only thing that I know for sure though, is that since a couple of years it is way easier to apply for a green card as a "visiting researcher" than it was say 10 years ago. It might cost you a fee for applying, $500, and maybe a lawyer fee of up to $4000, but in the end that is not as much money - imho - if you think you are going to stay in the US. That said, I only paid the smaller fee and then I did the GC application on my own (had a few helping things from professional people and a job offer that helped of course). It involved asking x amount of "distinguished professors in the world" for a letter of recommendation (I think I got 6) within three weeks though... It helped immensely (for my self esteem if nothing else) that my former post doc mentor wrote a glowing letter that I never thought I'd see about myself. (Seriously, I'm not used to seeing "bringing novel knowledge to the field" and "being an important part of moving the field forward with her research".) All though, in the bigger picture not untrue, I just don't normally see my papers in that light... and I am in research so, there is a bigger picture there too (the GC was partly into the "important for the research of US in the future" - non of which made less impact on my self image, which wasn't the biggest important person in the world at the time...)
My post doc mentor was important, but the other five were as important (I just got very happy and proud my mentor did that for me, long story). Their letters were equally glowing, as you would expect for an American Immigration audience to read. * I mean this is in a sort of "reality check" point since not only do I come from a place where the Letters of recommendations seldom have words of "excellence" in them but rather toned down and good, but not well... if you know what I mean? By the way, it's sort of tradition back home to add a section of "not so good performance" in the Letters of recommendations since no one is perfect... in America I'm still not convinced this happens?!
Anyhow, this turned to be a bit of sidetrack. I'm still reeling a little from my friend and their future.... and I will try to make the best of my help. But regardless, it leaves a slight tummy feeling that this all "post docing in another country" isn't really all that since you end up at mercy of your post-doc mentor way more than if you were safe in your own country without the harrowing need of a visa to even apply for the future of your career. I'm sure I'm not saying anything people haven't thought about before. And I'm not even sure I should be surprised. What I do know though, is that it is a tough situation to be in (maybe especially if you have no one else around you, i.e. spouse, so you're all alone with the fears, doubts and scary thoughts?)
I guess I needed to vent since I'm losing a good friend very soon and I had been very good at pushing it away since I thought "it was going to sort out with the extension"?
Sunday, January 08, 2012
The old year is over - Happy New Year!
A little late, as one could think it would be with a fairly busy time between Jul (Christmas) and visiting friends and family... I guess a short re-cap of 2011 in words of myself and the blog posts I wrote... And a little thought and dream about what 2012 will bring.
Looking at the entries I guess I need to write more about science and less about my "feelings"? It's been a little harder to do that considering that I'm now behind a slight wall of "industry science" but I'm sure I can write things about science in general and less "venting about the difficulties and challenges I meet at work", if I just focus a little more.
As for my dreams and hopes for 2012, I have a few. Mainly to continue getting in shape, last year I ended up about 30 pounds lighter than 15 months earlier, and I'm hoping this year to reach that famous "BMI is well within normal range for a woman your age" or as I like to think of it "run 10 km in less than 60 mins" and "fit into size 8/10 and feel comfortable in a bikini" (maybe not as great as a goal, but it's achievable for me). I will also try and get to work earlier in the day, and work out at least 1 morning a week. And continue to stay happy and content with life - since I've felt great in that department this fall with all the regular work outs, social time with friends, some social/community work and work achievements* (and some alone time of course).
All in all, I'll see where I end up but as for now - it's with good hope and energy I'm starting out with 2012! Happy New Year!
*I got a stunning review and a pay increase and some thoughts about future, which made me proud and happy. Now, I just have to see if it pans out as 'promised' or 'planned' in a few months... fingers crossed.
February: I found out a while back that the mother of one of my friends was released from the hospital since "there was nothing more they could do, the chemo didn't work"
April: "Predicting one's chances of developing a genetic condition, is like finding a penny in the ocean." To quote Dr Reed, the prodigy doctor in the TV series Criminal Minds.
May: I've been thinking a bit about reconciliation
June: I think Lava will beat me in the last and final round.... (in regards to hockey and the Stanley Cup)
July: sunset during one of those lovely weekends away from the city.... :)
August: One of the major things I talked about during my mentoring session at The Big Conference (TBC) where they had asked me to participate in their mentoring program as a mentor* turned out to be small talk.
September: things that happen in vegas... ...stay in Vegas... maybe the same in other places? (aka "across the ocean in far-away-country") :)
October: I was the one who said the strange words a while back... "so, we're doing this study starting then and there. Oh, I guess there will be no Thanksgiving holiday then."
November: Imagine a weekday evening, "little Saturday", and you meet up with a friend for a drink
December: It's that thing about secrets. You all of a sudden get them, from someone else - or you make something that you want to keep a secret - and then they tend to haunt you.
Looking at the entries I guess I need to write more about science and less about my "feelings"? It's been a little harder to do that considering that I'm now behind a slight wall of "industry science" but I'm sure I can write things about science in general and less "venting about the difficulties and challenges I meet at work", if I just focus a little more.
As for my dreams and hopes for 2012, I have a few. Mainly to continue getting in shape, last year I ended up about 30 pounds lighter than 15 months earlier, and I'm hoping this year to reach that famous "BMI is well within normal range for a woman your age" or as I like to think of it "run 10 km in less than 60 mins" and "fit into size 8/10 and feel comfortable in a bikini" (maybe not as great as a goal, but it's achievable for me). I will also try and get to work earlier in the day, and work out at least 1 morning a week. And continue to stay happy and content with life - since I've felt great in that department this fall with all the regular work outs, social time with friends, some social/community work and work achievements* (and some alone time of course).
All in all, I'll see where I end up but as for now - it's with good hope and energy I'm starting out with 2012! Happy New Year!
*I got a stunning review and a pay increase and some thoughts about future, which made me proud and happy. Now, I just have to see if it pans out as 'promised' or 'planned' in a few months... fingers crossed.
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