tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-332868152024-03-13T23:06:16.172-05:00Dreams and hopes of a (former post doc) scientistSciencey blog with emotions, sometimes too personal, it's venting ;)challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.comBlogger497125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-10726774926218074702023-08-19T00:17:00.001-05:002023-08-19T00:17:07.019-05:00burning books - for food fire<p> I got reminded a few weeks ago about a time when I realized that words matter and "mainly repeating things being told in a theoretical context" might hurt someone.</p><p>I was a 20 year old living in a dorm during second year of uni. It was a dorm where we shared one kitchen on 12 rooms (each room had its own bathroom) and we also shared a 'common room' with the TV. This was obviously in the dark ages where there was less internet, modems and no wifi, and TV had a cable package that we all shared to keep the costs down.</p><p>We lived together for years, 10 of our rooms with the same people, with two rooms being more transient students. Nowadays probably called "non-traditional" students. It was the Iranian exchange student who cooked food for all of us in the fall - when he made dinner he made enough for 12 people - as long as you wanted to eat at 10pm since it took time to make the rice correctly. (My goodness the rice was amazing!)</p><p>And then there was the woman who moved into the dorm room next to the TV room with her fiancee. They were born in former Yugoslavia, and this was post 1996 with the war and the siege of Sarajevo (1992-1996) the capital of Bosnia & Herzegovina. I had been exposed to the war in my middle school and high school with having class mates from different areas of former Republic of Yugoslavia. Meaning we had students in the class with grandparents and other relatives in the different parts of the then civil war (e.g. Serbia - Bosnia-Herzegovina - Croatia ) and also Kosovo, which meant all of us youngsters needed to talk and get to some sort of agreement on how to address one another as it was very bad "<i>back home for their extended families</i>". (this is a VERY shortened version on what happened in the class)</p><p>By some reason I had forgotten some of this when I got to university. Maybe I was living high on my "<i>I'm taking philosophy 101 and 201 and have high standards</i>". Maybe I was just young and not thinking things through? </p><p>Anyhooo, one night were were having dinner together and during the meal somehow we ended up talking about "<i>things that we shouldn't do"</i> and I piped up; "<i>Burning books is BAD", you should never burn books</i>".</p><p>And the woman from the room next to the TV-room looked at me, with a specific facial expression and apologetic stance and said to me "<i>I'm sorry, I burned out books in small cooking fires for food when we were in Sarajevo. We couldn't get out of the apartments and get wood due to the snipers, so we used what we could for cooking food and warmth</i>".</p><p>I don't think I've ever been more aware of <b>context</b>. I looked at her and felt so bad for making<i> her </i>feel bad. And said in somewhat of a sheepish voice, although she had been perfectly civil and visibly sad they had done this, "<i>I obviously didn't mean when it's a matter of survival. It's more of a theoretical conversation from my class"</i>.</p><p>And felt like a fool. Burning books if you're stuck in a place and need to prepare food and warmth is not an issue. And I shouldn't have made her feel bad about it.</p><p>Still thinking about it to this day, more than a quarter of a century ago, that I feel fortunate this happened. It was a great moment of showing me the meaning of remembering "<i>my experience in life is NOT ALL people's experience"</i> and that there's so much value of knowing people from everywhere with all sorts of experiences. Like all the non-me people I've met moving around the world, changing jobs, volounteering in places and traveling and talking to random people - I always learn something new and it's always something that makes me more humble. Here's to learning more things every year of our lives!</p><p><br /></p>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-59638533351645786892023-08-06T22:28:00.004-05:002023-08-06T22:28:50.246-05:00Beautiful Summer nights - endless possibilities<p> <span style="font-family: georgia;">It's been an odd beginning to the new year 2023 and now it's over half way done. I've been missing myself writing musings and thoughts in general. I've not come to a "</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">new normal state</i><span style="font-family: georgia;">" (whatever that might mean) after 2020 and the changes it brought on. I have not given myself time every week to sit down in quiet space and write. I miss it, and I know that I need to make time for this. It's on the bucket list and more importantly, it's on the "d</span><i style="font-family: georgia;">o now to take care of you</i><span style="font-family: georgia;">" list.</span></p><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">It's especially clear to me since when I sit down and read through my "<i>weekend read list</i>" that I collect through the week (links from articles and newspapers, subscriptions I have to monthly magazines - hello NewYorker, Atlantic, SvD, DN). I have many thoughts, feelings and questions. And while I can discuss some of them right off the bat, a lot of them percolate and make their way into my brain where they fuse and connect with other thoughts and feelings that are there from other weeks' readings.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">And then I push them down, move on to something else and miss the opportunity to elaborate in my mind.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Couple this with a sense of trying to answer "<i>what am I doing?</i>". As in; <i>What am I doing career wise? When will I retire? Will I retire? What do I see myself doing in ten years?</i> <i>What makes me happy? What will make me feel ok when I'm old?"</i> and so on..... I guess someone would call it a midlife crisis. Should I call it a midlife crisis? (There's no new red sports car.) So, maybe not <i>crisis</i> is correct terminology - maybe "m<i>idlife reflection and slight anxiety of inertia</i>"? "<i>Needing a more clear sense of direction moving forward</i>?". Like the hip people say "i<i>ntentional movement in a specific direction</i>"?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">After all, there's some irony that I'm currently here when I did a </span><a href="https://recoveringacademic.net/season-02-episode-07-interview-with-chall/" style="font-family: georgia;">podcast episode</a><span style="font-family: georgia;"> for Recovering Academic about "<i>Getting out of the Gray zone</i>" (outside the ivory tower) back in 2017 (really, 6 years ago?!?!). When looking at the show notes I had some stuff going on.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">"<i>Be able to ask someone else, not you, and go through the experiment with you to see if there’s something you can salvage. Get a pep talk and get someone else to evaluate things”</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i><br /></i></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>“The other thing that makes me more happy professionally is that I see opportunity. Not feeling as unsure now that she’s beyond academia whereas as a postdoc, that was harder.” </i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Not to mention </span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;">“Believe in yourself and think that you know it”</span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-style: italic;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">As well as </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">my own blog post pretty much 6 years ago (feels like a life time) "</span><a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2017/07/ambition-and-difference-between.html" style="font-family: georgia;">ambition and the difference between contentment and complacency</a><span style="font-family: georgia;">".</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">In my own defense, there's been a lot of water and a couple of bridges since. Things that happened and couldn't be changed. On the plus side, completing full marathons. And then a world pandemic which brought a few things that couldn't be avoided. And of course, I've been a brooder for a lot of years. Think Angel rather than Spike*.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">But I can't ignore that there are a lot of things converging at the same time. And while the path isn't clearly visible and marked - there's a light just beneath the horizon, the sky isn't all dark, and there is a sun waiting to come up to shine the light for the path to be visible. </span><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Just like those beautiful summer nights in my hometown in Sweden. It's not completely dark, but dangling promise of the next day about to rise. Those nights where it feels like everything is possible and the air is vibrating with promise. Those nights. And I just have to find the idea on what to grab onto and then go with the light.... that's right there.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpoVjDesfeWb73aa3DMolRQ-cctnN_AnvR7s7FTsgdstNnc2PsLL7kMXTZGshv_MJDcGeXk7MoeIOdl1Gl23LRNs6vUHLf_mypl4W_Vg0Exi8KDwSlCpDVo2zPmVTP4mEBgMj4aYLiswgGj-rJF3lnw6LhXP7RpcHWPhucabrDF7SXqAirYM5LGw/s256/Swesummer%20-%201%20(1).jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="191" data-original-width="256" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpoVjDesfeWb73aa3DMolRQ-cctnN_AnvR7s7FTsgdstNnc2PsLL7kMXTZGshv_MJDcGeXk7MoeIOdl1Gl23LRNs6vUHLf_mypl4W_Vg0Exi8KDwSlCpDVo2zPmVTP4mEBgMj4aYLiswgGj-rJF3lnw6LhXP7RpcHWPhucabrDF7SXqAirYM5LGw/s1600/Swesummer%20-%201%20(1).jpg" width="256" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">*probably both dated reference and missing the mark. I mean, I have never lost my soul and made to atone it, nor the other iffy things with the show I really liked back in the day. Ah well, let's just keep it with the blog theme and the outdated references.</span></div>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-15470660875128537082022-12-29T23:37:00.003-06:002022-12-29T23:37:37.955-06:00End of 2022 - long live 2022, welcome 2023<div style="text-align: left;">I realized yet again how much I've missed writing regularly and also getting the occasional comment. It's been a few years, this blogging format is not as interesting to people as it once were. (Oh the humanity of feeling old when writing sentences like that.)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><div>But rather than write a section on this, I'd settle for writing a two parter - "<i>End of 2022</i>" and "<i>Beginning of 2023" </i>since I noted the other week when talking to a friend that I really need to exhale, inhale and relax. Refocus might be the word. Or just "<i>quiet quitting</i>"? All of the words fit into the idea that the hamster wheel I've been in the last couple of year (let's say since covid started, to make me feel better and not because it is true) and quitting it and making my life a "<i>healthy work-life balance</i>".<br />Also, I ended up joking about wanting to burn sage and "<i>cleanse the air to move into 2023 without regrets</i>". That's when I really knew I was in the deep end of the pool.<br />Needless to say, this year has brought its own new experiences to light. And with them, a couple of notions to consider and use for personal growth.<ul style="text-align: left;"><li>What is important</li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>What I thought was important</li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>What I want to be important moving forward</li></ul>To no surprise, apart from maybe myself, I've been remiss in my own personal health. As in prioritizing sleep, training and stress management. So that's been a focus the last couple of months. It helped that I had an injury in summer time that made it clear to me how impaired my life would be when/if it would happen due to age. Note to self; "<i>I don't handle not having balance or being able to walk or run that well"</i>.</div><div><br />And the reminder when co-workers were offered new opportunities and decided to take them. If nothing else, it makes you evaluate "<i>what is important to me?</i>". Everyone knows that when people leave, especially in the a place where it's not possible to post the position until the person is officially leaving, there is a change in team dynamics and responsibilities. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's also a great reminder that you are not stuck in where you are, but as the -sometimes trite - saying goes "<i>you have the ability to change your circumstance</i>". It's nice to be able to turn down offers when deciding what is important and feeling that you got to choose.</div><div><br />And that is mentioning only the most obvious things. There's been other events (smaller in family and larger in world changing) that have affected life and general thoughts on future. Plus the added joy and complexity of family, friends and acquaintances in this world of covid/post-covid/new-normal/new-not-regular-could-we-get-different. (Let's be clear, there are still a lot of resistance to science.)<br /><br /></div><div>For this ending of 2022 though, I'd like to be happy that I accomplished a few goals that I set up earlier this year. For the sake of accountability and sharing, I'd make it three.<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I managed to get my balance back and finished a half-marathon even thought I didn't run the entire 13.1miles (life-joy related).</li><li>I got a new certification (work related).</li><li>I continued to give specific% of income to charity and be involved in causes of societal importance, especially with focus to women's health, food security and human rights.</li></ul></div></div><div style="text-align: left;">So yes, I would say that 2022 brought a few things to the table to consider for future and immediate future. And I will move into 2023 with a couple of agenda items to execute right away and some to keep on the long-term-to-do-list.<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">For this post though, <b>Happy End of Year 2022!</b> Let's move into the new year with aspirations, hope and action.</div>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-52878405137619645832022-09-13T22:09:00.006-05:002022-09-13T22:09:58.906-05:00"No, not pregnant, just fat" - World Childless Week 2022<div style="text-align: left;">It seems like yesterday, to be fair it was only a few weeks ago (again), when I was asked if I was pregnant. It was in context of a book I'd purchased so it wasn't to do with my body shape <i>per se,</i> but it's not the first time I've been asked. Granted, I thought this would be a thing of years past. Since I'm now of an age where I personally don't think anyone should ask if I'm pregnant. (Not that there really is a good time for anyone to ask anyone if their pregnant but still.... )</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />When people ask nowadays if I have children I choose between answering<br />a) no<br />b) no, unfortunately not<br />c) no, that didn't work out<br />d) I would've loved to but that didn't happen</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />depending on the situation. Years ago I would've said "no" and nothing else. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Possibly, I'm now more tired of the presumption that I'm childless since I chose to be childless which is why option b-d is more likely in conversations. Although that opens up for the comments like <i>"aww, have you thought of IVF?</i>" or "<i>there's so many options of having a family today</i>" or "h<i>ave you considered adoption?</i>". And depending on my mood, if I'm inclined to answer these - <i>coming from a good place yet not the best to say most of the time</i>- statements.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Then again, I'd be the first to acknowledge the journey this have been and how it's evolved in regards to sadness, denial, agony, helplessness, bitterness, envy, hopelessness, resignation, bargaining, acceptance and other feelings that arise when the world, hope&dreams and you are not in alignment.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">If there is anything I would like people to consider and know re this topic? </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">That IVF isn't the end all solution to childless people. I know that the feeling of many is that IVF is successful. Yet, there is a lot of people and cases who don't succeed with a live baby in the end of an IVF cycle. And with a lot of people, I mean less than 25% are successful. And that is without factoring in age factors. So, not a panacea for all the childless hoping people.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Regardless of my IVF comment above, main issue for me with childlessness is that it's something that is complex and deeply personal. Also probably something that the average person doesn't talk about too much (even though the percentage of people having children is decreasing) since it is complicated and have a lot of feelings involved.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Anyhooo.... this week is World Childless Week and you can find the program here: https://worldchildlessweek.net/<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p style="text-align: left;"><br /></p>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-42733400192683852282021-11-23T09:13:00.001-06:002021-11-23T09:13:26.980-06:00Giving Tuesday - matching donatings<p>It's "Giving Tuesday" - it's the Tuesday in the American Thanksgiving week.</p><p>It means that some donations to charities are matched today, which means more impact than a regular day. It's also a good time to give for the Holidays, the local food bank, the Toys-for-Tots, the Holiday present pantries and other places that focus on giving those who might not have anything something.</p><p>I'm listing the charities I usually give to - both today and otherwise, plus great "office gifts". I mean, who doesn't like getting a or "Basket of Hope" or a "Honeybees"? (Heifer).</p><p><a href="https://www.heifer.org/gift-catalog/index.html" target="_blank"></a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://heifer.org" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="331" data-original-width="393" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOGtTSdim6yEeEUNQ0nlPE3H2MKVFITf-1owXWyRebZ3Q2soOkD8xg7NK_DbGDAj7M42yn_6dD1Y0NL79j7VWP37DK7VsNXEKUipkIoJnXfdkiXomhEGdgKAKZMSiAwqbZBNubng/s320/Screen+Shot+2021-11-23+at+9.09.33+AM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The Gift catalog<a href="https://www.heifer.org/gift-catalog/index.html" target="_blank"> at Heifer </a>has a lot of different animals, school support and varying amounts of money.</li><li>Start a monthly micro loan with <a href="https://www.kiva.org/" target="_blank">Kiva</a> .You pick who you loan money to and where they live.</li><li><a href="https://www.msf.org/donate" target="_blank">Doctors without Border/MSF </a>the ones who stay when everyone leaves, stays closest to the war lines, builds communities and currently, keep giving vaccines to children where others have stopped.</li><li>More local for me in the South of USA, t<a href="https://www.midsouthfoodbank.org/ways-to-give-donate" target="_blank">he MidSouth foodbank</a> who has been working a lot the last 19 months providing children and families with food when schools been closing due to covid19.</li><li>Another local charity, that helps women with work like bee keeping and making goods with the honey, <a href="https://thistleandbee.org/" target="_blank">Thistle&Bee</a></li><li>And finally, since the worlds is a scary place and democracy isn't gaining popularity as much as at least I hoped, <a href="https://www.amnesty.org/en/donate/" target="_blank">Amnesty international</a> to send support, put pressure and help people. There's always a support card to send to an imprisoned person or bring attention to a situation that's unacceptable or donate money.</li></ul><p></p><p>All in all, please feel free to send along other good options where money and attention will help good causes.</p><p>Happy Giving Tuesday! Let's make a difference.</p>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-91605703911296148992021-09-08T00:29:00.001-05:002021-11-23T09:35:25.613-06:00my tale of D&C - not what you might think<p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I wrote this in 2020 but it felt too personal and I hesitated then. After last week and the decision in Texas and US Supreme Court I feel more alright publishing it now.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">--</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">It's a story - about something that people have an opinion about - or at least they think they do. It's really about definitions of words and what they mean to people. And of course, about medical codes and how they influence medical treatments today. </span></p><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">I never wanted to write this post. I'm a bit personal about a few of my personal failures. However, at times my friends tell me that it's not really failures (per se), and it might make a difference talking and being open about them (<i>"since you are a PhD, an educated woman and having agency</i>" - their words). </span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">I also have had conversations with Trump voters and ended up having a similar reaction where they were surprised that their pro-life/anti-abortion stance had a negative impact on medical decisions, so I am trying to be more comfortable with this blog post.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Years ago I went for an investigation of my female reproductive parts as part of trying to have children. It involved trace dye in the fallopian tubes and then it was a "<i>routine ultra sound of the uterus</i>", which shouldn't have been an issue since I go to annual checkups and having everything cleared. However, during this routine checkup I of course asked the nurse (I'm an idiot, did I tell you? a nosy PhD person... with an ultra sound wand up her private parts... trying to make it less weird and more regular....) "<i>does it look normal</i>"?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br />The answer she gave, while she looked at me and trying to give a normal face (bless her heart) was "<i>the doctor will call you with the results in the afternoon</i>".<br /><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">So when I left the visit and started to drive to work (since the appointment was in the morning - it was supposed to be a routine appointment as usual), all I kept thinking was "<i>there's something there because otherwise she would've said it was all fine</i>".</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">The physician (MD - I can't refer him as a doctor in this blog post since I'm the PhD and also a "doctor" and it played tricks with me) called me in the afternoon - and one of the more surrealistic conversations that I've had took place. Note, the MD and I are at this point well aware that I'm a trained microbiologist PhD working with cancer - sure it's pediatric cancer but some of it overlap... Anyhow, his comment is that the ultrasound shows a growth and it should be taken out. <i>"It's not definitively cancerous, but it wasn't there when we checked last".</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Physcian doesn't think it is cancerous, however it has grown in less than two years so it's recommended to take it out for women who are of child bearing age to check for malignant cells - especially if trying to become pregnant.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">The kicker, for me who is not grown up in the US health system, is that the physician tells me that due to my cycle they can only remove the growth the day after tomorrow or otherwise I would have to wait another 20 or so days. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Why? Because due to the procedure being coded as an D&C, it can only be prescribed at certain days of a woman's cycle to be sure it is not "<i>that kind of D&C"*, </i>since the hospital is a Catholic hospital and they do not perform abortions. This means that they can't do anything with "a growth" in the uterus between day - say 10 - and the menses. During this time the "growth" could be a fetus, and since abortions aren't allowed, there are no D&C/surgeries allowed. (While the physician might not think this is best for the patient, their insurance and hospital admittance privileges do not allow it.)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">The main issue of course is that D&C means "<span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">Dilation and curettage". It's used to describe a </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">surgical procedure in which the cervix is opened (dilated) and a thin instrument is inserted into the uterus. This instrument is used to remove tissue from the inside of the uterus (curettage). It is used for ANY tissue in the uterus, which make sense when thinking about it from a medical procedure. "Something" is removed from a part in the body. It's not known what "something" is when removing it since that is often why it's removed, it shouldn't be there.</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #202124;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>In short,</b> <b>I needed a abnormal growth removed. The tumor could be benign or malign, that wasn't the key issue. The key issue was that the surgery to take out the growth was only allowed being taking out between days in my cycle when contraception had not taken place (example of possible contraception day 11 to day 28 in a woman's cycle) for the hospital to allow it due to the place and the medical coding. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>It would be alright to let this growth grow more while waiting since hospital rules does not allow abortions even though this was 100% not an abortion but would be coded similarly in the medical chart and to insurance.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Long story short; </b>it wasn't a fetus, it was a growth that turned out to be benign when I got the result five weeks later. <i>"No malignant cells were found in your tissue</i>." Good for me. But it could've been different.</span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">The other obvious issue (apart from being alright to let potential malicious growths grow bigger while waiting) is the conversation of what the term "abortion" means when throwing it around in the "public setting" (when voting on it) vs the "legal and medical setting". This is also how people view "6 weeks pregnant".</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Let's just reiterate that medical profession and legal profession have made a few standards that don't correlate exactly to what "the public" thinks it means. Pregnancy is such a thing. You are considered 6 weeks pregnant in legal and medical view - 6 weeks after your last menstruation's first day. That has nothing to do with "embryo development".</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">It's presumed that you have a 28 day cycle and that you ovulate on day 11-15 (looking at real data this is not accurate at some ovulate at day 6 and some at day 28). The whole pregnancy counting is furthermore based on the fact that since medical professionals know people ovulate at different times in their cycle and the ONLY thing an outsider knows is "<i>when there was bleeding</i>" (lots of religions make this a conversation with man & wife since there are cleansing parts after a wife has bled...) the pregnancy will be counted from the first day you bled last. Knowing full well that there is NO chance anyone is pregnant at that point (menses literary means the uterus is empty of a fetus), it's the way to start the calendar/counting and doesn't mean much for accuracy of start of conception or delivery date.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">This means that at "<i>6 weeks pregnant</i>" most embryos are between 2 and 3 weeks. It also means that many people might have discovered that they missed their period with a few days. However, back to the overall "<i>misconception about menstruation</i>" it's not that uncommon to have a few days extra/less of your cycle based on stress, food intake, global travel etc. And that is if your are lucky to have a "regular cycle", which is probably 50% or less of all at any given time.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">Anyway, I wanted to not get side tracked into the other parts of legislature regarding abortion (might be another post down the line) as there is a disconnect between "what public think is general cases" and "what the medical reality is". And also how these legislatures affect health and medical decisions of pregnant people. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">To have a miscarriage that doesn't expel, but where the fetus is dead or dying, and not being allowed a D&C is fatal for the woman carrying the fetus. But for this post, let's leave it as "it's more complicated as a lot of Texas and other governmental people say it is".</span></div>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-20048663470238667252021-05-16T01:51:00.000-05:002021-05-16T01:51:28.186-05:00Playoffs and re-entry into the world<p>It's been one of the things I've really liked after New Years 2020 and we got 2021. While it was still a ranging pandemic, while I was still stressed out about my family and friends on the other side of the planet (and close by me here in the USA) not having access to the vaccine, it was a fantastic thing to get some sports to divert attention. I am of course talking about NHL and hockey.</p><p>I can easily say that some of the better moments in my life have been inspired by/due to/influenced by hockey like going to a game, talking to new acquaintances and mentioning hockey or hanging out in the bloggosphere and get a sense of community with other hockey nerds (being from Sweden in this case and reading and commenting on <a href="https://bloggar.aftonbladet.se/perbjurman/">this blogg</a>). </p><p>Anyway, the story for this blog post is two-fold. First "<i>vacation weekend from the house since covid last year in March</i>" (with partner and not visiting parents) was a weekend to Nashville to watch hockey - and that the Predators clinching a playoff spot. SO NICE to see live hockey! And to interact with people around us and talk geeky/nerdy talk on who would win and hopes and dreams. I can't wait to do it again!</p><p>Secondly, now it's PLAYOFFS. I decided to go through my shirt collection and finding the ones for the teams in the playoffs and also noting how many shirts I really have.... jerseys I only have Kessel 81 Leafs. There will be another one this year, question is Nylander 88 or someone else (Matthews maybe, Sandin in the wings). Shirts have come my way, mainly because of bets. As in "<i>play offs - I bet you this team will win in the play off round, if not I'll buy a shirt and wear it for a day</i>". Needless to say I don't place these bets with Bruins players. (I was surprised I didn't get a Kessel Pens shirt after he won the Cup but apparently not.)</p><p>So here is the photo of <i>"my shirts from each team - with exception of saying I have a lot more leafs shirts and jersey but thought that was obvious so I focused on the other teams and also having more than one Canucks shirt.... </i>".</p><p>The second from the left top row is my tshirt from when I lived in Vancouver in 2000. I wear it seldom since it's old school and the logo will fall off soon due to age. The Habs tank top had a friend in a tank top from Preds (a little more low cut) but neither has a name on it. And the Red Wings shirt is the one from a challenge when I moved to the USA and my lab mate was annoyed I didn't have an american NHL team since "you live in America now". I picked Red Wings then since it had 13 swedes on the roster. Vegas Knights is not technically a bet since I bought it before the first game had been played when I visited the "armory" in Vegas in August.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Zkh_QB8dXQXWgdq9fo6kPWWez6-8EmgLr7zL_n7JZWGw4_lrGnJluKWWRSJfRbqbSUbj_hoLfiyyGxH4JrHK7UrRyl-lz_4Ce4jSUCwl5AUVtnaI5PblvV9oy_L2WlmSIkS_aQ/s269/cards+-+1+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="182" data-original-width="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Zkh_QB8dXQXWgdq9fo6kPWWez6-8EmgLr7zL_n7JZWGw4_lrGnJluKWWRSJfRbqbSUbj_hoLfiyyGxH4JrHK7UrRyl-lz_4Ce4jSUCwl5AUVtnaI5PblvV9oy_L2WlmSIkS_aQ/s0/cards+-+1+%25282%2529.jpg" /></a></p><p>And here is the photo of the shirts for the names - it's all about the names :) Couldn't resist Jagr in Florida for $3 when I knew Panthers were going into the play offs this year. The Subban 76 and Forsberg to the right are both Nashville. The 33 and 22 Sedins are Canucks. And 81 Kessel represents the Leafs plethora of shirts. In hindsight I should've added my Sundin13 since that is my most precious shirt (was too lazy?).</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwJKa78cHumw34Whc3bWss58mvbckUDLjzCjiMbyd0emv30hsRYWLPyCSkboZx0EPAPWv_reApazfa_CLc0S5ZGhOvNu4TZW9lYm4I2N0UpL1W7RbMgEp0-TGtChVuBMH9xf9JVw/s286/cards+-+1+%25283%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="171" data-original-width="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwJKa78cHumw34Whc3bWss58mvbckUDLjzCjiMbyd0emv30hsRYWLPyCSkboZx0EPAPWv_reApazfa_CLc0S5ZGhOvNu4TZW9lYm4I2N0UpL1W7RbMgEp0-TGtChVuBMH9xf9JVw/s0/cards+-+1+%25283%2529.jpg" /></a></p><p>While it will be amazing to get Playoffs again this year (last year was so weird and not only because I was in quarantine), I'm dreaming about game and successes. It's also a great reminder that I get super nervous in the first round (since my lovely team the Leafs have a tendency to not get out of first round.... 2004 was the last time... and let's not talk about actually winning the cup (1967)).</p><p>With that all said - SO HAPPY ABOUT SILLY THINGS LIKE SPORTS! Have a great Playoffs everyone.</p><p>I'm hoping Leafs will get out of first round against Habs! And I'll wear my Predators, Wild and Florida shirts in the first round too!</p><p>(A photo of me in Nashville watching the clinching game wearing the Subban shirt.... :) )</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiv1nt6zTU-bBzndR5Ss7o3gmsC6-GTtClNn9rhpjxi-CBpceYtv_ejlYXoJOoU4Q0NN2E8SgbMFKeLZebzFmFoWRVEqhxHZJkYrlk02SxwRVOuVqbFjYWCx_EzWDclADbL5FYag/s2048/me+-+1+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiv1nt6zTU-bBzndR5Ss7o3gmsC6-GTtClNn9rhpjxi-CBpceYtv_ejlYXoJOoU4Q0NN2E8SgbMFKeLZebzFmFoWRVEqhxHZJkYrlk02SxwRVOuVqbFjYWCx_EzWDclADbL5FYag/w150-h200/me+-+1+%25282%2529.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-34143729191725039942021-04-16T10:38:00.002-05:002021-04-16T10:38:53.664-05:00Giving away note cards - for charity donations<p>First, I can't believe I haven't written anything in 2021. I've missed blogging, and writing and all. However, for this post I'll keep it short and simple.</p><p>I usually make note cards with photos that I've taken over the years. I give them to friends, family and colleagues as holiday presents and such. However, I want to expand and thought this would be a good opportunity in times of need of others.</p><p>If you donate $20 to a charity (my personal favorites are <a href="http://www.msf.org">Doctor's without Borders</a>, my local food bank and local homeless support who all get a monthly contributions), and then send me a message on twitter or an email with your address, I'll send you a pack of note cards.</p><p>It's a pack of 6 cards 3.5x5 with envelopes.</p><p>Here are what they look like - frozen lake in Sweden, frozen light pole at Niagara falls, late summer lake in Alaska, southern bridge over Mississippi river, summer beach from Miami, French olive trees (only one photoshopped for colours).</p><p>I have 10 of these packs! Let me know if you are interested.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtPdrqjo4aybafcM7H13zei49wqkv88PEqeccqjjT19WhExLFHfSoF6_l0c-atiztGg2fKkzkIBdepiRJn1MF7jBwo6QjX05dC6m1terDsblOQNacH5r5DJGHk-O4v3HBeQ4Bxg/s700/Screen+Shot+2021-04-09+at+8.44.43+PM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="458" data-original-width="700" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRtPdrqjo4aybafcM7H13zei49wqkv88PEqeccqjjT19WhExLFHfSoF6_l0c-atiztGg2fKkzkIBdepiRJn1MF7jBwo6QjX05dC6m1terDsblOQNacH5r5DJGHk-O4v3HBeQ4Bxg/s320/Screen+Shot+2021-04-09+at+8.44.43+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvJg44TDa0MaR2Z6Fg5H0fK6eWm2X6hiqCuXEAoI57ZsRTGCPiYZoCp49pDCOvbIlcrCaa2jVrx3ckcmIjL-szzZi_-CwJyijh0hYQbM2PkdY-UUnYPoTuKssolZntL8zT24lCQ/s1280/cards+-+1+%25281%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvJg44TDa0MaR2Z6Fg5H0fK6eWm2X6hiqCuXEAoI57ZsRTGCPiYZoCp49pDCOvbIlcrCaa2jVrx3ckcmIjL-szzZi_-CwJyijh0hYQbM2PkdY-UUnYPoTuKssolZntL8zT24lCQ/s320/cards+-+1+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA0ena3qZlokKLLQrGnndMaT8n1oriiHcAwt2urjuVwh06987O1BGmaQrANJvQPB9_zh6amSU4Dybjp8sO3Ogam4mQbH3Aus6bdp9I_vX8hJ87YLDYCnQ0fAcXkMwdsBIArrGJsA/s1280/cards+-+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1072" data-original-width="1280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA0ena3qZlokKLLQrGnndMaT8n1oriiHcAwt2urjuVwh06987O1BGmaQrANJvQPB9_zh6amSU4Dybjp8sO3Ogam4mQbH3Aus6bdp9I_vX8hJ87YLDYCnQ0fAcXkMwdsBIArrGJsA/s320/cards+-+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-44855561736598972312020-12-20T21:36:00.002-06:002020-12-20T21:36:42.546-06:00A range of emotions (count down to New Year pt 2)<p> Let's be absolutely clear. I'm shattered emotionally. My inner being is being torn between screaming into the void WHAT DOES IT MATTER THAT WE KNOW ALL OF THIS SINCE YOU DON'T LISTEN and whisper softly "say good bye to the people/things you care about since they will not survive this".</p><p>It's difficult to explain how I feel looking at my diary from February, and also the entries from April where I state things like "come May 1st we will be on lock down in Memphis and it will be too late to stop the spread in the poor community where they can't work from home". And the April one stating "the USA will see a spread and deaths in the fall that people won't comprehend".</p><p>Not to mention the most heartbreaking one where I wrote in July estimating by my (negative yet apparently pretty accurate) predictions on how exponential spread would go in numbers in the USA and then the deaths to follow. Notably I was wrong as in even I were too optimistic on the speed for cases in September.</p><p>I did write a small comment to myself in August - the time I was quarantining in my hotel room in Stockholm and had to acknowledge that my emotions after going through the transAtlantic flight experience were pretty high and unstable. (That's something for part 3 since it will take longer to explain the absolute rollercoaster that went on inside my body for 30 hours while going from safe house aka home in a controlled space to a controlled hotel room via four airports with vastly disparate rules and actions.)</p><p>Anyway, my comment in August was that we would see the highest number of the year after Thanksgiving. That said, it's not rocket science so I won't pat myself on the back too much. And also that the uptick in cases after school and all the activities in Septebmer would lead into more cases in the fall.... and then thanksgiving.... and then hoping that the fact that cases were up would mean we didn't have to discuss Christmas. Here I was wrong, and I had put a note saying (probably too optimistic, people are great at rationalizing "not me and my family but everyone else is needing to do X, Y, K".</p><p>And then looking at my diary entries of Sweden in the fall "once the cold sets in". Yes, not difficult to predict that the cases were going up - yet difficult to read right now when looking at the numbers and knowing my family is so far away only reachable with international air travel.</p><p><b>Long and the short of it is this</b>; it's extremely tiresome seeing a situation play out in front of your eyes - knowing that the people you love are in danger - because everyone seems to need to "experience the horror themselves" before acknowledging the situation.</p><p>The lack of understanding the full notion - I don't have to die from a car crash to know that I should keep seatbelt on and drive the speed limit. Again, IF it ONLY affected you when you make the stupid choice I wouldn't care as much (individual freedom and all) but when your choice of freedom puts MY life in danger, that's where I fricking draw the line.</p><p>(Right now, I'm not mentioning the vaccine and the people who don't want to take it. I'm too angry and you know, there's not enough vaccines to go around so if people say no to vaccines, that means I move up the line to get the vaccine faster.... and therefore I guess I should just accept your fricking freedom to say no? Another day I'll delve in why this argument is not a proper bioethical choice and not the right one for me.) </p><p><br /></p><p>For right now, I've spent 9 months actively not wishing ill on people who are in power and who have put too many people at risk and have been the cause of so many (unnecessary) deaths. I'm only human and there's a limit for my compassion at this point. That's what I am doing this Holiday season - asking for grace and compassion so when I come back after January 1st, I can stand to meet all these people around me who spout lies, confusion and hate regarding the vaccine and the virus. And with stand to meet, I mean I can meet them with a compassionate face and giving them love as my neighbour and turning the other cheek since there is NO other way out of this. I know that. </p><p>Why? Because it's a fricking airborne infectious disease and it spreads between people regardless if I like or dislike them. And the only way it will stop killing and hurting people is if we get enough people vaccinated and keeping the infection rates down. </p><p>And the only way to do this (if we aren't a dictatorship like China where they welded the doors shut) is to do the tried and executed way of telling people to stay at home, give them financial ways to do it, give them hope and add in incentives for companies to keep going - OH and GIVE them Vaccines for free to help!</p><p>It's not like I'm advocating for a mandatory vaccine to be able to fly on a plane, see hockey, visit grandmother in a home, have a job, going to a restaurant or sing in a church choir. Where I live, LAND OF THE FREE, this will not happen. But separate businesses will start enforcing these rules and it will be uneven, inequitable and lots of families and children will suffer. But let's not listen to the Infectious Disease experts.</p><p>You go with your freedom. Me? I will continue to give money and effort to the poor and my community. And I will live alone* in my house and Work From Home. Wear my mask to the few times I go to the store and live a good life without travel or friends over to party.</p><p>I will lose a lot of family and friends due to the virus. And that will make me sad. And most of all, kinda convinced that the world would be better with me as a dictator. (obviously a joke, please see the section of "trying to fricking cope with this PREDICTABLE year where nothing was stopped")</p><p>Part 3 of Count Down to New Year will be less bitter. See this as my one time venting and who knows how long this will stay. </p><p>*with my bubble man </p>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-15729072257418553762020-12-18T01:18:00.002-06:002020-12-18T01:45:53.471-06:00Giving for others - Thankful for my blessings (countdown to new years pt1)<p> I wrote a couple of things for Thanksgiving, but they seem fitting for my take on 2020 and how I've tried to handle the Covid situation. Let's say I'm going to do a couple of COVID 2020 DEBRIEF POSTS. That's how it feels right now.</p><p>I didn't even pay attention that I had written this post before. </p><p>So, if you want to know the spcifics of what I'm grateful fore - go to the November post. I only have one (that's bad).</p><p>My ket point, and this was where I got stuck in "I'm not bragging but want to share and maybe you would like to do something similar" was when mentioning how much of my salary this year has gone to others/charity. I've given more this year than ever. Why? Partly becasue I have not spent any money on travel or restaurants. No theatre nor opera performance. I haven't been to an art opening and I haven't purchased any paintings, photo cards or any other things that I usually buy when going to local art galleries, vernissages, art festivals as such.</p><p>However, I have given to these things regularly during the year:</p><p>local theatre company</p><p>globally to Doctors without borders </p><p>Kiva - microloans all over the world</p><p>Currently 5% of Gross income. Most of that money otherwise spent on travel, restaurants and experiences (and HOCKEY). Mainly this has been easy since I decided that if we didn't go out to eat, drink and travel - I could spend a good portion of that money on others who will be in need of it since clearly I could spend it before, s<b>o why shouldn't I spend it on people who need it now?</b></p><div><ul><li>I've also tried "two birds with one stone" and purchased at least 12 races of virtual races for good causes (charity). This has been a way for me to keep motivated to get out of the house and walk/run when the weather was 100F in the summer, and to keep going when it turned more rainy and dark in the fall. (I am tempted to post a list of the races with photos of all the medals, yet I don't want to come off as a bragging person but someone who want to share happy things! It's been the beacon of entusiasm when it was 100F degrees outside, and it's been similar for running in the mornings in Nov/Dec when it's 37F in the mornings...... I'm no a morning runner....)</li></ul></div><div>I'm not stating this to feel good about myself (only). It's been a help for me to find my footing in a world full of uncertainty and not being in control (apart from over my very tiny part of working from home reality). </div><div><br /></div><div>I said short and sweet, so I will stop here. If you have the opportunity of giving to someone else - local foodbank, a venmo for a friendly server, a virtual race that gives to opportunities for women in law (Ruth Bader Ginsburg race....) or anything else that goes to someone out there in need of support - please consider it this holiday season. If there ever was a time to use those "Christmas present money" on others rather than on some unused little gadget, now is the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here are a few links to places where your money will do a lot of good:</div><div>www.kiva.org</div><div>https://www.msf.org/donate</div><div><br /></div><div>local food bank - for me it's MidSouth Food bank: https://www.midsouthfoodbank.org/</div><div>Purchase to help trafficking women getting out and a new life: https://thistleandbee.org</div><div><br /></div><div>I've also given to local Arts organizations to keep the hope that there will be theatre, opera and art as painting in 2021.</div><div><br /></div><div>And any local organization that will help service people with tips, work and other normal things. We had a "server Go fund Me" pop up in April for all the laid off Servers in the city area.</div><div><br /></div><div>Overall though, my thing for this Holiday Season is "Give to someone else additional to you and the gift recipient". This is of course said if the gift recipient is well off/not having a rough time with covid. </div><div><br /></div><div>For some of my family and friends this year, I give hard cold cash since that's the best gift they can get from me right now.</div><div><br /></div><div>Be good, be safe and do to others what you want done to you. I'll write the bitterness post soon.... ;)</div>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-17912630181730933132020-11-24T22:56:00.000-06:002020-11-24T22:56:01.910-06:00Thanksgiving (in the USA)<div style="text-align: left;">It's not a regular Thanksgiving. It hasn't been a regular year. I'll be short and sweet, pointing out my main take away for this 5 day weekend from work that I am going to have.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />I'm thankful for a couple of things;<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>First and foremost that no one in my immediate family has been killed by covid.</li><li>Second, no one of my friends has died of covid.</li><li>I have a couple of friends and family who have had covid, but aren't showing too many long term symptoms so far. I'm grateful for that too.</li><li>I haven't lost my job. And, even though I'm scared of jinxing anything, I don't think I am at risk for losing my job over the next 6 months either.</li><li>My lovely man hasn't lost his job either, nor being at risk.</li><li>Both of us have been able to work from home full time, we are lucky enough to have space so it's not one room for both of us.</li><li>I've given more to charity - both locally to the "server/service fund, local foodbank, the local arts and theatre company, and globally to Doctors without borders and Kiva - than I've ever done. Mainly this has been easy since I decided that if we didn't go out to eat, drink and travel - I could spend a good portion of that money on others who will be in need of it since clearly I could spend it before, so why shouldn't I spend it on people who need it now?</li><li>I've also tried "two birds with one stone" and purchased a couple (a dozen?) of virtual races for good causes (charity). This has been a way for me to keep motivated to get out of the house and walk/run when the weather was 100F in the summer, and to keep going when it turned more rainy and dark in the fall. (I am tempted to post a list of the races with photos of all the medals, yet I don't want to come off as a bragging person but someone who want to share happy things!)</li></ul></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm not stating this to feel good about myself (only). It's been a help for me to find my footing in a world full of uncertainty and not being in control (apart from over my very tiny part of working from home reality). </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It was extremely clear to me when I had the good fortune to go back to my home country in the summer to take care of my parents. After more than 3 months in an all controlled environment (my house and working from home) I got on a flight (well, three flights) and then entered a world where people weren't wearing masks nor felt it was necessary to quarantine after said flights. Needless to say, I had a rough first week. Lucky for me, and I do mean this from the bottom of my heart, I could stay all alone in a hotel room getting my bearings. I could go outside in the temperate summer and go running to alleviate some of my stress and anxiety. And then I got to spend three weeks with my aging parents. It was one of those times where we made memories and I felt like a good daughter and they felt like good parents.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I stayed at a hotel for over 30 days. And that didn't break my bank. (It was a lot of discount due to covid but still, being able to stay in a hotel for that long is a luxury. And I am thankful for that.)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I said short and sweet, so I will stop here. If you have the opportunity of giving to someone else - local foodbank, a venmo for a friendly server, a virtual race that gives to opportunities for women in law (Ruth Bader Ginsburg race....) or anything else that goes to someone out there in need of support - please consider it this holiday season. If there ever was a time to use those "Christmas present money" on others rather than on some unused little gadget, now is the time.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I will use my five days off work to contemplate my luck in life, my present day and consider my future and what I want with it. Lofty goals perhaps, but every journey begins with one step.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">(and I will also try and not think and dread too much about my charity marathon run that has to happen week after Thanksgiving. Weather is looking like "the coldest it's been all fall" with temperatures starting in the high 20ies at night, and steady 30-40 during the day.....)</div>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-18732876811408541382020-10-04T01:23:00.007-05:002020-10-04T01:23:59.176-05:00testing negative and being non-infected with Covid - slight comment<p>I wasn't planning on doing this but after a few days of hearing news from all over the place (thanks to being involved with someone who listens to Fox and "christian radio", I've gotten a view from there as well as the European sector that I cover on a regular daily basis and then the NPR and "liberal media" we both listen to....).</p><p>Anyhooo..... since part of what I'll be writing here shouldn't be an issue on anyone - regards republican or democrat - since it is fact.</p><p><b>The facts are as follows:</b></p><p>SARS-CoV-2 replicates in upper lung or lower lung, but most often is detected in respiratory part of the back of the nose (nasopharyngeal part). </p><p>The PCR tests are designed to find the RNA in the swabs that are put in our noses - or sometimes the back of the throat - and will pick up virus and parts of the virus to show detection when run through the test.</p><p>The quick test - is having a high degree of certainty when positive (that means there is presence of virus in you) but the degree of false negatives is pretty high. This means that the Limit of Detection (LOD) as<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2020/06/pcr-serotesting-population-level.html"> I previously wrote about,</a> will be higher than 0. There's also a pure biological reason that the rapid test is having a low detection level of people "who might be infected but test negative" since there virus need to replicate to a point of detection. None of the test on market - understandably so - can say that they know you are infected the same day or day after (or even up to day "before you have symptoms") - since there LOD is not as sensitive as that.</p><p>Short explanation is this: you meet your friend and hug them. They are infected with SARS-CoV-2 and breathe when they say "<i>Happy to see you</i>". You get some of that breath, and viral particles, in your breath that you take into your lungs/upper respiratory tract (back of the nose/throat). The virus is all happy getting cells to infect and starts getting to work.... that means multiplying.</p><p>Depending on how well the virus is multiplying inside your cells, the number of cells and number of viral particles and RNA in your system (cells in the nose/lungs, bloodstream or stool) will vary. That's why some people show "positive" on the testing after 2 days after exposure, or others don't show it until 10 days. Either of them could be sick, have symptoms, and get others sick - it's all individual. That's why the guidelines say 5-14 days for quarantine.</p><p>As I explained to my parents - both over 70 - when I went to see them. I had a high risk event when flying, and I said "<i>I want to wait 10 days before meeting you outside"</i> (I'd still wear a mask since I'm the potential spreader at that point). The key facts for me are the scientific articles that say "after 11 days of quarantine without symptoms from a high risk/positive covid19 encounter, 97% are non-positive") .</p><p>When I re-entered USA to go to home to my house, I lived in my guest room for 9 days - monitoring my temperature and symptoms - since it was important to me not getting anyone else potentially infected, and then I got a PCR test on day 8 since if my flight was the potential spreader moment. The test would pick up me as infected after 8 days even if I was symptomatic due to the viral replication rate as reported.</p><p>I feel like this aspect has been lost in the discussion. The test will NOT pick up on you being exposed today, yesterday, day before yesterday and maybe not day before that. Why? Because there isn't enough virus in you to get a positive in the test. the Swab is only so good. The swab doesn't go everywhere where the virus might be. The amount of virus is not what the Swab need it to be to pick it up.</p><p>This is what's mentioned in the discussion as "wait to test until 4 days after exposure" and quarantine until then. It's also why "going to work every day without social distancing even if you test every day will keep you safe from potential infections" (since you don't know who met someone infected the night before since the test will show up as negative that morning after....). </p><p>Everyone with a basic biology degree should know this. </p><p>Anyone having an infectious disease degree or knowledge knows this. Anyone with a pandemic preparedness knows this.</p><p>That's why I'm so confused seeing the "Rose Garden Event" from last Saturday since people are not only kissing and huggin (outdoors), they are also gathering indoors without any social distancing. It's confusing on a Risk level, and on a "protection level"</p><p>The only conclusion I can draw from this is that; people in the WH really didn't think Covid19 was an issue from the President, not any of the people surrounding him, since otherwise they would've taken precautions like social distancing, mask wearing indoors and no people cheek kissing and then talking to the president. </p><p>Again, I feel like repeating - "What do I know? I'm just a PhD in microbiology with a speciality of virology and pandemic".....</p>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-24868431255459368502020-09-13T18:41:00.000-05:002020-09-13T18:41:00.364-05:00World Childless Week Sep 14th-20thFrom <a href="https://worldchildlessweek.net/home">the website: </a><br />
<i>"World Childless Week aims to raise awareness of the childless not by choice (cnbc) community. To help the community to find support groups that understand their grief and can help them move forwards to acceptance. It's for anyone who is childless despite their longing to be a parent because they have never been pregnant (for any reason), not carried full term or have suffered the sadness of a baby born sleeping. All our Champions and founder Steph, represent our audience. </i><br />
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<i>We are here for you through the year, we get louder in September"</i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Starting Monday is "<i>World Childless Week</i>" and I recommend anyone interested to click on the <a href="https://worldchildlessweek.net/home">link here</a> and go explore the community. There will be daily different topics and posts on the subject, and daily webinars.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Overall, the numbers of people who are childless might surprise you - depending on where you are in your life and who you are friends with. At the moment, on average 1 in 5 women reach midlife (45 years old) without any children. In Germany it's as much as 1 in 3. There's a choice of words when it comes to talking about "being without children" and that I like to bring up since it gives a little more nuance to the concept.</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Some are <i>childless by choice (childfree) </i>- implying that it is voluntary and by choice</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Some are <i>childless by infertility</i> - tried to have children but didn't succeed either on their own with a partner or with IVF/fertility treatment</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Some are <i>childless by circumstance -</i> the group that is considered to be the biggest one, and for which there is no "<i>explanation</i>" or rather a quite long list of potential options ranging from "never met someone with whom to have children" to "being with someone who didn't want children and then break off that relationship and then being too old" or other options. If you are interested, there is a list "50 ways not to be a Mother" in the book "<i>Living the life unexpected</i>" by Jody Day <a href="https://gateway-women.com/book/">found here</a></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For many of us who aren't in the childless by choice category I would say that there are a lot of times when it feels like you are the one who needs to put on a brave face and a smile - and often ignore all the "o<i>h so private commentary regarding my choice or not</i>" that comes along after the question; "<i>do you have children?</i>" has been uttered. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(I usually say "<i>No, unfortunately not</i>" as I'm tired of hearing "o<i>h, you decided to go have a career instead</i>" or other rationalizations that have been thrown in my face too many times.)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Personally, I would say that some of the comments that I find the most demeaning have to do with parents stating - and often times this happens in work settings, leadership classes or other discussion groups - that "<i>once you have children you realize how important it is to care for others</i>" or "<i>once you have children you become a an adult since you have to take care of someone else</i>" and other short phrases that are thrown around to stated that "t<i>hey didn't become an adult until they became a parent - however that might not be the universal truth</i>"....</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Anyway, I am not going into the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue7wM0QC5LE">Four Yorkshiremen</a> territory (Monty Python) but if something, I would like all you parents and couples who haven't started trying for a baby yet - please consider that not everything in life plays out as one would've wished. And that there might not be a "<i>simple explanation</i>". Or even an explanation at all. That "<i>just have a baby</i>" might not be as straight forward as "<i>boy meets girl, boy and girl have sex, girl gets pregnant, boy and girl have a healthy baby</i>".</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It's more talked about today, and maybe even within some sports communities like NHL where a few hockey players the last couple of years have been very honest and vocal about their miscarriages and baby tragedies. If nothing else, the sheer number of how common it is for a detected pregnancy to not proceed and reach week 22 or even later (</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">miscarriage/still birth),</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> is one of the things I wish I would've known earlier and would have been discussed in sex ed in high school. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Or that it isn't a "<i>simple as something wrong with the woman leading to issues</i>" or other old stories from historic times where fertility is very much linked with male success and female definition of being a <i>real </i>woman = motherhood. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That dinner party with my close women friends where it turned out that 75% had had one miscarriage....</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">As always, it's easy to see the world through one's own lens. All we can do is hope that a lot of us remember that everyone is embarked on a different journey through life, and that with humbleness, friendship and caring for others - we can find friends we didn't knew we had or learn new views from. And communities that support us through different times and obstacles that we might not have thought we would encounter when we started out life journey.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">Be kind to each other.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">(my post from last year<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2019/09/world-childless-week-starts-today-my.html"> can be found here</a>)</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span><br />
<br />challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-51101209966230278092020-08-28T20:24:00.000-05:002020-08-28T20:24:18.125-05:00TLDR; remember situation today was intentionally created TLRD (too long, didn't read) is a great acronym for when things get carried away in explanations and then in the end of a long rant you want to make it easier to grasp "what is it I wanted to say".<br />
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I really had planned writing about #covid19 and how international travel has made me be very tired lately.<br />
<br />
However, as with best laid plans, they aren't where you end up. I'll write about the covid19 things later. For tonight I feel that I want to clarify something that's been eating me up when listening and being asked to comment on current situation in the USA.<br />
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As an immigrant in the USA, living for over 13 years in the South of USA, I feel that I have gathered a lot of information and insight into things that I barely grasped when moving.<br />
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I grew up in an intellectual family in Sweden. Lots of reading, lots of politics, lots of knowledge of history. My formative years were times discussing South Africa (apartheid), the Palestine-Israel conflict, USA in Vietnam, colonial powers in general (France and Algeria for example) and Chilean (really several South American countries) dictatorship. I thought I had grasped quite a lot as a protected white native Swede. As one does when reading and meeting a lot of people and discussing on a theoretical level.<br />
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However, as usual, when living in the place where things happen - you grasp a different angle. You are forced to encounter situations that you never thought would happen (especially not when you perceive yourself as "knowing"). And most of all, you learn to be humble to a degree that is leaving you with only a few choices. One of them is "<i>I will listen to and accept the reality that these people describe to me is their reality".</i><br />
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And that's what happened when I moved to the South.<br />
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I realized after half a year living in the South that something was off. What? Well, at starters I didn't - at the time - feel that my reality was that different from living in Sweden. (In hindsight, which is as we all know 20/20, that's a given red flag that something is strange..... ) My city where I lived was demographically very different from the Sweden city I grew up in.<br />
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To make it easy; my home city was easily 90% white, my new city was over 60% African-American. Despite this, the bars and restaurants (and church and work) where I hung out were probably at least 80% white. Or at least "<i>as similar to my home town that I didn't feel that it was too different</i>".<br />
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This gave me pause and made me question a few things. Mainly <b>where</b> I was hanging out, <b>why</b> this was and if there was something else on <b>how</b> this was happening.<br />
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(side note; it was like this partly because at the time I hung out with other white immigrants at the places they showed me, and then some other places where "middle-class/affluent" people frequented.)<br />
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After a few more years in the South I had gathered anecdotal evidence that I'm "<i>passing as an American, specifically a white American woman</i>" and that this fact opened a lot of doors for me. Note, the doors that opened were also where people greeted me as "<i>you're not a real immigrant</i>" since it was perception I spoke English as a native language in my home country Sweden (we speak Swedish), and I am a Christian, and - of course - being white.<br />
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However, that's not the point of this blog post. The points of this blog post are to link to a few articles that explain fundamental historical facts that has made the situation we are in today. Where African-Americans and People of Colour (PoC) are more likely to get shot, get arrested, get non-invited for interviews, get looked upon with distrust etc.<br />
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It's too long (as I mentioned in the beginning, it's a long story) for me to be succinct.<br />
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I mainly want you to know one fact I've learned after all this time living in the South.<br />
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<b>It's intentional politics that have gotten us where we are. </b>It's intentional to hinder non-whites and non-wanted people from voting. From owning their own homes. From having the thriving neighborhoods that once were. From excluding a lot of the history about this from schools and public education. (Like the fact that schools in Oklahoma didn't include the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tulsa_race_massacre">Tulsa Massacre in 1921</a> in the public school curriculum until this fall in 2020 (and who knows how that will happen now with covid).)<br />
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The reconstruction after the civil war, the backlash, the Jim Crow laws and the Civil Rights Movement and voting rights. And that are the voting rights that are hot contested in the USA today. It's not like in Sweden, and other EU countries, where you are automatically registered to vote on your 18th birthday - no action required. Nope, there is a process to get registered to vote, and on top of that the voting day is a regular work day with complications to get time off if you aren't a salaried worker.<br />
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And the fact that USA system, while it is a lot based on income and that there are a lot of poor white people as well, is based on a right that was for a very long time classifying a non-white African-American as 3/5 of a person. And that the District of Columbia being classified a district and not a state, therefore not having representation in the House of Representatives, is stemming from the fact that there was only "State representatives from real States, and slaves and servants" living there, and since the State representatives and their aides had voting in their home states - there was no need for the other people to have voting/representation rights.<br />
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To me, there is no way to see all these historical facts and not draw the conclusion - this is not "natural" this is a "<i><b>created, systematical way of excluding people that are not wanted"</b></i>.<br />
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At the bottom are some links for further reading. There are many many more. And if you ever come by Memphis - t<a href="https://www.civilrightsmuseum.org/">he National Civil Rights Museum</a> is a must. It'll take you more than 3 hours to go through it and you will still learn more things afterwards. There is a lot to take in. And it will not be easy. It is difficult things to see and understand.<br />
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Final comment; <b>"If not now, when?</b>" There is no waiting. It will be painful to acknowledge that regardless of your own intention or wanting, if you are white - there is a huge burden to take on and work on making things right and just. Nothing else to say or make excuses. It's something we just have to do. And it starts by listening to other peoples' experiences and acknowledging that there are a lot of things we have to change. Now.<br />
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Links to read:<br />
<a href="https://www.msn.com/en-us/weather/video/segregation-myth-richard-rothstein-debunks-an-american-lie/vp-BB15YEuS">Segregation myth - Richard Rothstein</a> This is a GREAT explanation and video interview of the systematic idea behind suburbs among other things<br />
<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/08/14/magazine/1619-america-slavery.html?searchResultPosition=1">NY Times 1619 project </a><br />
<a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/03/role-of-highways-in-american-poverty/474282/">Role of Highways in America - The Atlantic</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facingsouth.org/2020/06/bitter-history-behind-highways-occupied-protesters">Highway protests - Facing South</a><br />
<a href="https://www.history.com/topics/american-civil-war/black-leaders-during-reconstruction">Reconstruction era - black congress members</a><br />
<a href="http://nationalhumanitiescenter.org/tserve/freedom/1609-1865/essays/aafamilies.htm">Breaking up slave families</a><br />
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<br />challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-16051346268587412452020-07-27T20:39:00.001-05:002020-07-27T20:39:55.064-05:00Safe back to school? as a swede and microbiologist in USA<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">There's a few times more that others when I get more attention. I remember the last pandemic - swine flu 2008 - when a bunch of friends (and not so close friends) from high school and uni contacted me to ask "<i>should we give our kids the new vaccine?</i>". My answer, starting with a disclaimer asking what their pediatrician said and why/if they trusted the MD whom they went to consult about their children with, was that I am pro-vaccines in general - against virus especially - and that I would take the swine flu vaccine when it was offered since I deemed it safe.*</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">In general, that's what I do; I defer to the experts and then I offer my point of view and what I will do and what I recommend my family to do. All in the same idea as the saying when I was a child "<i>do as I do, not only what I say</i>".</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, last week was a flutter of emails, texts and phone calls from a number of coworkers and friends asking "<i>what do you think about going back to school? Is it safe? In Sweden they had school all through spring!</i>".</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I think the answer requires a multipoint explanation. I had a twitter thread the other day where I worked through some of the key points. (That thread started with a reaction of how some data is presenting as comparison between days and that there is no thought on having consistency between groups when comparing them. I'll write a separate post of stats, need to be consistent and attention to detail.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Anyway, the thread can be <a href="https://twitter.com/challdreams/status/1286666112785158144?s=20">found here</a></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #14171a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #14171a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">The relevant tweets for my this blog post start with number 5. It has to do with statistics ( percentage, likelihood, distribution) and then actual numbers.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #14171a; font-family: , , , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "ubuntu" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">In short, a lot of epidemiology concerns population based research, trends and breaking down distribution in larger cohorts. It doesn't really say much about one singular case. It is about distribution and likelihood, percentages and other general numbers that for many people is hard to understand when drawn to a single case.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #14171a; font-family: , , , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "ubuntu" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #14171a; font-family: , , , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "ubuntu" , "helvetica neue" , sans-serif;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I mean some of this is almost like explaining the likelihood of winning the powerball... (</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">1 in 292,201,338) which is quite ridiculous and people still play it since "there's a chance to win". Yet same people might have a hard time accepting they have a 1:2.5(41%) of getting cancer after age 60 and not worry too much about that. Let's not get into the likelihood of getting SARS-CoV-2 virus in community spread without any mitigation technique like mask or physical distancing (like sports practicing like normal, indoors in teams).</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">To get back to point. A lot of these questions last week were directed at me since I am a Swede. My family is in Sweden, a lot of my friends are there and I live in the USA so I have "<i>knowledge from both worlds</i>". In this pandemic there's been a lot of polarizing news (some true, some not) and one of them has been the constant comment about "Sweden's experiment" (let's not get caught up in the fact that the whole world are doing some kind of experiment here and there, or the "United States of America's experiment"). Two parts that have been reported pretty heavily were that Sweden didn't close their schools in the spring, and that the country didn't have a lock down.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Let's start with facts:</span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sweden moved high school and universites to online only in March/April.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sweden kept elementary and middle schoold open the whole time before summer break.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Sweden kept daycare open the whole time, and kept it during summer break.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">While Sweden didn't have a mandatory lock down - there is no provision in the law during peace time to do this from congress - a lot of people worked from home, didn't travel, kept children at home, didn't visit grand parents and so on. (</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">s</span>ide note; Swedes are pretty good at following so called "governmental recommendations" as well as having a relatively big amount of single households in the country -world leading)</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #14171a; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">However, it's part of this fact checking that Sweden didn't see vast community spread outside of specific suburbs of Stockholm. And that the majority of people who have died so far have been people over 70 who lived in nursing homes/elder cares. It's a tragedy in itself, and should have been prevented.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Why am I mentioning this? Well, simply because I would say that the evidence in April looking at the metrics on who was infected, hospitalized and in ICU pointed at that there was a large group of "people over 60, definitely over 70" who were mainly affected of the virus. Other groups were showing low incidences.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">However, like all epidemiologists (and some microbiologists) know there is that thing of "incidence bias". In short terms; as you look, you shall find. (how you test will bias the results you look at)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">How many young adults were tested in the spring? How many people were really infected? How many people who had no symptoms were tested? (I bring this up since that's another group that has been shifting in interest the longer the pandemic and data gathering have been going on.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">There is this thing with incidence and drawing conclusions. It's fairly safe to presume that if a large group ends up in hospital during an outbreak - it's a high likelihood that that group is more susceptible than the rest of the population. It is sometimes "simple things" as "<i>the people who have eaten at one restaurant</i>", sometimes "<i>an overabundance of people who are older</i>".</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">However, it doesn't mean that the groups that <b>aren't </b>found in the hospital are safe. It means that they are either safe OR the outbreak hasn't touched them in large enough numbers for them to get sick. Depending on the numbers, the distribution of sick people might change, and the numbers of sick will people will change.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">These details, as well as knowing the difference between an isolated outbreak, an ongoing epidemic and a move to a raging pandemic.... that's why I listen to experts. It's complex to break down all these parameters into bite size morsels of information that people can and want to digest. It requires trust with diseases specialists who work with this everyday. And most of all, it requires an understanding that whatever the data shows in the beginning of an outbreak/pandemic will most likely change with time and amount of people getting infected and that it is crucial to stay nimble, gather more information and reanalyze the results.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Anyway, to make a long story short. Looking at the facts of infection rate and age groups in the USA today it's pretty clear that</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">a) there's ongoing community spread in a lot of counties (% positive of tested over 10% in a conservative view)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">b) actual numbers of infected children, youth and younger age groups are going up</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">c) there's been fatalities in the groups "under 25", even in "under 17" - which wasn't the case in EU</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">d) the situation in USA today (in various counties/states or as a nation) is not comparative to the situation in Sweden in the spring</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">e) the situation in USA today (in various counties/states or as a nation) is not comparative to the situation in EU at the moment where countries are opening up and preparing for school</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don't feel that this complex conversation is taking place - at least not in a bigger context as "<i>the situation in the USA right now is completely different from the EU situation"</i>. (I know, northeast are looking more like EU and keeping the numbers pretty good with their continuing partial lock down and limited openness.) I have had a lot of various emotions about this, especially since there are so many things that could be done to mitigate and stop the spread.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Alas, I ended up writing this blog post to put words to my frustration. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The final point. <b>There is still time to do things to stop this virus from spreading.</b> To be inconvenienced for another time in order to mitigate the spread and give us less infected, less in hospital, less lingering effects from people who have been infected. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Why is this so important? Because if there is something that drives me completely bonkers right now is the statement "<i>the virus will go away someday [so we don't need to do anything extra]</i>".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">(I am sorry about the caps lock) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">THERE IS NOTHING STATING THAT THIS VIRUS WILL GO AWAY ANYMORE. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">The ONLY way we would've eradicated it would've been to quell it completely before it spread into an endemic virus. If it was a "truth" that viruses go away "after awhile" we wouldn't have as many diseases, rare and all, that pop up every so often. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">There's been documented two viruses that have "gone away"; SARS-1 and Small Pox. (First because of effective lock downs and controls, with a virus that was highly deadly. Second because of a world wide joint effort of mass vaccinations and travel bans without showing proof of vaccinations.)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">We haven't even eradicated measles even though we have a vaccine since 1970 (and a better one since 1986), and it affects and kills children. Just asking a simple question; <i>if we haven't been able to eradicate a disease that is that deadly and horrible to children </i>- what makes you think that SARS-Cov-2 "will just go away"? There's got to be a solid plan (including distribution of a made efficacious vaccine - this is for another post)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'll stop since this post is too long, too upset and touching on a lot of different things. Let me know in the comments if there is something I should elaborate or remove. Thanks for reading and being there. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #14171a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: black; white-space: normal;">*there were a number of younger Swedes and Finns who got bad side effects from the swine flu vaccine. It was, over all in hindsight, impossible to have anticipated these side effects. It was about 200 children in Sweden and about 100 in Finland if I remember correctly. Out of a combined population of 13 million at the time. It's difficult to know how this part would've been discovered in the way "we" establish vaccines to be safe in this day and age. Most safety trials require relatively few, and then in the Phase III part of the trials - the more rare side effects are gathered as informational. Still though, it was a huge break in trust and it effected them in a life altering way.</span></span></span>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-69675804168487243692020-07-01T22:06:00.001-05:002020-07-01T22:06:05.344-05:00dealing with accidental deathIt's been a weird couple of days. Well, to be honest - maybe it's more about it's been a weird couple of weeks and months where the "normal" has been exchanged to something new and uncertain, a lot of new experiences that aren't what we all are used to, or even know what they mean.<br />
<br />
I'm grateful that I'm part of a team at my place of worship where we contact and talk to people who are terminal and their relatives.<br />
I'm grateful to work in a place where we experience death and have people around who help with the process and help support the acceptance of the grieving process.<br />
I'm grateful to use my experience with unexpected death, and suicide, in my circle of friends and acquaintances for something good as in at least I don't shy away of talking about it, or being there when someone else experience it.<br />
I'm grateful that I have friends and acquaintances who have explained their experience with virtual funerals and memorials, especially in this covid time (it's such an odd, new concept that turns a lot of the old traditional ways upside down)<br />
<br />
This is all to say that I'm grateful that I have been thinking about death and what I would like my relatives and friends to deal with, and that I think and hope I'm doing something good for people who are in this situation.<br />
<br />
However, as everyone who knows, it's a different situation when you know the person in question. And it's never easy to deal with a friend taken away too soon, too fast, who has her whole life ahead of her.<br />
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It's one of those things though, so typical me, that when it happened - and people around me who didn't know her - said "<i>I'm so sorry for your loss</i>". I didn't know what to say. It's part of that I don't feel that it is my loss <i>per se</i>. It's her parent's loss. It's her partner's loss. It's the best friends' loss. It's the universe's loss. But it's not mine as a personal only loss. Only when I have unpackaged this I've realized that it's partly a language thing, partly a need to de-personal the loss. I want to answer them "<i>It's all of our loss, cause she was a fantastic force and would do may great thin</i>gs".<br />
<br />
I heard from a friend in the morning, she is dead. I was startled and I cried. I started with the negotiation with grief steps and got a fair bit on them. My issue? (As always) it's when you have to vocalize it to others. That's when it becomes real. That's when you have to handle the fall out and the others' feelings. And your own. When you have to tell others; "<i>they are dead</i>". There is no negotiation of that. And there is emotion from the other person. And you get to face that. For good or bad, you have to face your own feelings in that moment.<br />
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And yes. It is my loss. I will miss her. I will miss her laugh, stories, shared happy times with me and with others. She was such a joy and a great scientist. And such a wonderful person. She had a huge heart. And she wanted to make it possible for others to succeed in science, regardless of where you came from. She was a member of <a href="https://www.sacnas.org/">SACNAS</a> and her friends there told wonderful memories of her. And she made the work day a brighter place with her laughter and her voice.<br />
<br />
And in this covid times, I will have to get over the fact that we hadn't been in the same space since midMarch when campus closed down. It will be difficult understanding she is really gone, I will not see her when going to her lab space, the cell culture hood she used, or that she will pick up the phone - they way we have communicated the last couple of months.<br />
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I wish this was a better written post - a well written one to her memory. Maybe in the future I will be able to do her justice in an eloquent post with her wisdoms. Or I'll amplify her eulogy when it happens. But for now, I would like to simply say -<br />
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I<i> miss you. You were such a great person to have around and you made life just a little brighter. You were brave and loud and so caring for people around you and for people you didn't even know when you went to the US-Mexican border to interpret for the people needing help. And that you were compassionate enough to allow me to feel that I helped, even if it was only with money and not physically being there since I don't know Spanish and I'm not a physician. You gave me courage and heart to keep on trying to help people around me. And you told me you wanted to be like me when you grew up. I joked it off since I didn't know how to deal with it - but I pulled up the texts and you said it several times. I will never forget you. And I will be an even better person in the future, the person you wanted to be, making you proud. Thank you for letting me getting to know you and being touched by your being.</i>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-43879728652686757272020-06-15T22:59:00.003-05:002020-06-15T22:59:42.043-05:00PCR, serotesting, population level detection - what does this mean for me?! (covid19)After more then three months of living in a pandemic, everyone is tired of it. It doesn't matter if it's living in a lockdown where people weren't allowed outside, or a country that sort of didn't mandated isolation for more than risks groups but every country has seen either extreme lockdown, massive death or lockdown and some death.<br />
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A few buzz words (describing mitigation techniques) have been floated during this time. I think that there are a fair amount of misunderstanding when using a lot of these words/techniques - compared to what they mean in a epidemiological setting. And since I have spent a fair amount of my time last three months discussing, explaining and listening to my friends and family telling me what limitations are involved with "testing", I would like to write a post about them (might have to be several).<br />
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First, a difference between tests. Two tests are mentioned a lot; <b>PCR</b> and <b>serological (antibody)</b>. PCR test will indicate if there is RNA from the virus inside of a person.<br />
Serological (antibody) will show if the person has developed antibodies against the virus (and therefore can not be sick again from the same virus). That is "t<i>he person has already 'seen' the virus</i>".<br />
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Both tests have details attached to them that most people wouldn't know or care about. My primitive opinion is that <i>people shouldn't really need know these details since FDA/EMA/country's each agency that approves test should know these details and only approve according to <b>high standards</b>.</i> It might be obvious that I have an issue with how tests have been approved since I made this sentence in italics.<br />
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To evaluate biological tests for diagnostics there are three things to remember (there are a lot of others but these three are fundamental for how to view the test accuracy and validity - big words to say "does the test work well"):<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Sensitivity (how likely is a negative test to be really negative)</li>
<li>Specificity (does the test detect the right thing that it's looking for)</li>
<li>Limit of Detection (LOD) (related to sensitivity however slightly different and especially when talking about a whole chain of things together)</li>
</ul>
<br />
Before I go through these parameters, let's throw in another caveat with tests in general - especially since it goes hand in glove with these three fundaments. A test result should for all intent and purposes be seen as a<b> probability</b> and not a <b>certainty</b>. The golden and easy example for everyone to talk about is pregnancy tests. Those are, even if they are really really good, still a question of probability and certainty. The easy thing - the great thing - with pregnancy tests are that they measure one hormone (hCG) that only exists if the woman has a growing fetus inside. Then the test becomes only the question of "how low of a level of hCG can the test detect" (LOD). That's usually made into an equivalent of an average level of hCG at certain number of days after implantation, which is why tests have "early detecting, 5 days before period" (very low amounts of hormone can be detected) or "detection as early as first day of missed period" (a decent amount of hormone can be detected). If only all tests could be this clear cut.<br />
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With virus and PCR there is another issue that isn't much talked about outside the world of virus and microbiology. The fact that "j<i>ust because RNA is detected doesn't mean that there is an infectious virus present</i>". Dr Raciniello has described this on his blog a long time ago (<a href="https://www.virology.ws/2010/07/22/the-virus-and-the-virion/">here</a>). The main take home message is "<i>just because you find RNA, doesn't mean you find a virus particle that can infect."</i> Further making it complicated, it will also depend where in the infection phase the person is, and what was investigated". It's been clear looking at published aggregated case studies from hospitals in regards to Sars-cov-2 virus is the likelihood of a positive test at different times in the infection within a person. The amount of virus, more specifically the amount of virus loose in the body available for detection and reinfection, varies a lot during the infection. There is a lot of virus day before symptoms show, there's evidence that 4 days after first symptoms there is more likelihood of testing positive. Combining the points (existing RNA but not active virion) seem to support the findings that 30 days after first symptoms, even if a positive PCR test, doesn't mean shedding (spreading) infectious virus. Brings back to the idea "it's a probablity, not a certainty". Also why hospitals where patients test negative on PCR but have distinctive 'glass lung' on CT are treated as covid19 positive.<br />
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(Side note for extra points; there is an assay that virologists use to evaluate virus load based on "plaque forming units" pfu which is dead cells that a virus have infected and killed, and that would give a "<i>how many viruses who can infect exist in a sample</i>" <- .="" p="" virions=""><div>
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All this is more than a 5 min simple read, and I apologize for even trying to cram a lot into a hopefully half-interesting blog post, I'm trying to explain why it's more complicated than "positive serotest" and "negative PCR and you're not sick" while not getting caught in the weeds.<br />
<br />
So, back to the <b>Sensitivity, Specificity</b> and <b>LOD</b>.<br />
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When you take a PCR test - especially for an RNA virus - there is alway an overall chance/risk it will end up as a negative if you fail running the test itself. Why? Because the test is looking for a detection of something that will have to be going through at least 3 steps where the actual RNA might disappear before showing up in the test results. That's why there's always a control sample run together will all the real samples to make sure that all the steps worked out.<br />
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<br />
<ul>
<li><i><b>Sensitivity </b></i>is generally descried as how good the test is to find the <i>true positives </i>of what the test is looking for. That is to say, only the people who really have RNA from the virus should test positive when using the PCR test. Similar for the serotest (antibody), only people who have encountered Sars-cov-2 and developed those specific antibodies should test positive.</li>
</ul>
It also tells about the <i>false negatives</i>, which would the least good outcome. This since someone who tests with a PCR test, to see if they have virus and therefore might spread to other people, that comes back as negative might not keep safe distancing to people but move along closer so a false negative brings people safety when they really shouldn't have thought so.<br /><ul>
<li><b><i>Specificity</i> </b>is generally described as how good the test is to show <i>true negatives </i>of what the test is saying it looks for. To simplify, if you test for sars-cov-2 RNA it's important that anyone with any old cold doesn't show up as positive (the common cold is part of the coronavirus family and share some parts of the RNA with sars-cov-2). If you don't have the virus, you are negative when testing.</li>
</ul>
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There are repercussions of this part failing as well since looking at serotests (looking for presence of antibody in the blood) and if this shows antibody titers but it's the wrong type of antibody (say, from the common cold) then the test will have a low specificity.</div>
<ul>
<li><i><b>Limit of Detection (LOD)</b> </i>is the lowest concentration/level of test subject that can be detected in a sample. The reason for my addition to the list is that when it comes to certain tests, the LOD will depend on a number of different processes than "just the level in the blood/saliva" as is the case for a lot of samples. Again the pregnancy test as an example, pee on a stick. The hormone is in urine. The test is designed for levels that are found in urine (side note, the blood test is more sensitive and have a lower limit of detection). There is no part of the test that requires any manipulation/handling of the urine (or blood). However for a PCR test of an RNA virus - there are a lot of details involved. First of all, there is the base level of "amount of viral RNA present in the nose swab" that has to be present to be picked up on the swab. Then there are different ways to get the RNA (virus) off the swab, extracted into liquid and being able to even "run the PCR on" (PCR=polymerase chain reaction, a mix of stuff in a little tube to amplify what is in the tube from the start). And the limitations on how big of a volume was the RNA extracted into and how little was brought on into the PCR reaction etc..... </li>
</ul>
<div>
I'm aware I didn't do a great job on the LOD discussion if nothing else I hope that I made it clear that it is complicated and also super important. Even if you don't know how to calculate this step - it should be super clear in the FDA approval process since the LOD will determine the limits of the usefulness of the test. </div>
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All three of these parameters will decide if the test is useful. It will further determine if the test is useful on an individual or population view. Why this difference? Because of statistics. If the test is only to be roughly an estimate on where the population - a higher lever of uncertainty (higher possible wrong results) are more acceptable since stats work that many tests together with a fairly high certainty turns into an ok stats.</div>
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The same test can have a detrimental effect on an individual basis. As previously stated, imagine going for a PCR test to determine you don't have the virus before going to visit your grandmother. You get a false negative (you think it is negative), and then go visit grand mother. That's a huge risk. Similar with testing if you have antibodies (the serotest) and it comes back positive (you have antibodies). You then might start doing relaxing and not wash your hands as much as before, and then you get sick.</div>
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All of these parameters are things that I (we) anticipate and expect that the FDA (EMA/country of your living) have evaluated and deemed acceptable. However, it's important to remember that in this case of the pandemic - there were a lot of changes in the acceptance criteria for a lot of tests. In order to get an Emergency Use Authorization (EUA) the documentation from companies were relaxed a lot and most of all, not required to clearly state the limits on the test themselves.</div>
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<br /></div>
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You can argue that there isn't time to go through rigorous testing and documentation in a pandemic with an unknown virus - and I would agree whole hearted that time is of the essence. However, I would say that these details, the basis of the validity of the entire test, are extremely important to clearly state. If nothing else exactly to use when calculating the results on a population basis since the errors will compound/become very different based on these base numbers.</div>
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<br /></div>
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From an individual point of view - I wouldn't take a serotest without wanting to know the exact specifications since I wouldn't know what to do with a positive test unless I knew the cross-reactivity number. And that's not even mentioning the issue what kind of levels (or types) of antibodies that might be protective against sars-cov-2. </div>
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</->challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-16754384943852431252020-06-05T23:31:00.004-05:002020-06-05T23:31:47.543-05:00know it all - intentional or not?!"<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>She's so knowledgeable about all these things. I mean, I'm American and I didn't know that DC doesn't have a congress person or a Senator but she did and she's not even from here.</i>"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Welcome to "<i>my musings when I take things as a backhanded comment but maybe it really isn't but I had a rough childhood and end up in a defense situation</i>".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Obviously at this time - internal self reflections are a clear sign of something not great. I feel that I should write something about BlackLivesMatters, the protests, the killings by the police, the shooting of teargas, the riots, the looting, the general upheaval of the constitution of the United States of America if the Active military are patrolling or surveilling regular US cities.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">However, encountering another one of these comments as written in the first paragraph brought me back to my childhood. The comment this time was voices after we had discussed the current situation in the country and mentioned the yellow paint of BlackLivesMatter on the DC street. And I had seen a v<a href="https://twitter.com/MattZeitlin/status/1268928751318032384?s=20">ideo where that street close to the White House</a> was renamed "Black Lives Matter Plaza" </span><br />
<br />
I had a small smile since I find these things (non violent yet clear statements for the public) very on point and something to point the finger at something that isn't quite right. It's easy to prove when someone is upset about something like this, to object they have to state their case and that means they have to state WHY it's upsetting. Case in point; in <a href="https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/uk/britain-to-reopen-embassy-in-iran-on-bobby-sands-street-31466117.html">Iran the British Embassy</a> was on Bobby Sands street and there was<a href="https://www.washingtonian.com/2018/12/05/khashoggi-way-sign-what-happened-saudi-embassy/"> short period time that the Saudi embassy in DC </a>was located on Khashoggi way.<br />
<br />
Anyway, this is my long way into a shorter comment that DC is a District of Columbia and doesn't have state hood and not right as the "other states" of the USA (since it isn't a state). I pointed out that there is a person who can talk in the House of Rep but doesn't have a vote, and that they don't have a senator. Briefly touched on the idea that DC wasn't originally planned to have people living there to vote since they were either IN congress or worked FOR a person in congress but in any event they were signed up in their state they represented, and then there were "non persons" who built the White house etc.... (african americans 3/5 of a person deal)<br />
<br />
And I understand that this is part of my issue - that I get uncomfortable when people drop those kind of comments since I don't know if it's to point out that I make them uncomfortable, or if I push too much or if it's simply a "wow you know a lot". I know that I automatically say "well, I don't have any kids so I have a lot of time to read" as an excuse.<br />
<br />
Part of my time in school as a younger child was a lot about making fun of me for knowing a lot. And I know that I at that time was less smart on how I said things so I probably came off as a <i>know-it-all</i>. However, as a grown up - there are so many times when I've decided not to rock the boat and not offer an explanation or a fact on the topic of discussion. Why? Because it's really not liked a lot of times. And, like when dating or getting a report with people in power at work or networking, it's just best to be a woman with "just enough" brain and wit.<br />
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My issues are those times are more obvious when discussing something that might have a more complex background and leading to some faulty conclusion. And when these things arrive - I've made a decision to state my knowledge and see what happens. If nothing else, I can feel ok with having said something, and not argue away. That's not the key point.<br />
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However, it would be great to not feel like a freak knowing things that apparently other people don't know. I guess I have to work on how I say things (yet again). Luxury issues - that's what this is. Real issues - outside our windows every day. #blacklivesmatterchallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-67813598698779545032020-05-26T00:12:00.003-05:002020-05-26T00:14:20.144-05:00small filter - maybe slight venting?I've been drafting these blog posts about "sensitivity and specificity", "difference between antibody test (serotests) and PCR (RT-PCR)" and "timeline of pandemics". They are all still in the works. I got sidetracked though. Not by something fun. Not even by my work, even though I've managed to have two hard deadlines and another coming up within a few days, but by fighting this feeling that "t<i>hrowing pearls for swine isn't worth it"</i>.<br />
<br />
Nownow, I know the mistake of the analogy. First off, my blog readers are few and a lot of you I kinda know over the years. So, not "random", and most certainly not appropriate to have an analogy to "swine" as in the saying. For argument sake, let's disregard the saying and move on with the post.<br />
<br />
It might just be the notion that writing explanations and trying to make sense of what is going on in the world from a microbiology point of view would be a good idea IF the posts were read in good faith by someone who might learn and even change their way of thinking.<br />
<br />
Alas, and here comes the tiredness and the reason for the crude analogy, there's been quite a few interactions with people who go at things in bad faith. And also that they are so firmly lodged in the "other camp" that they have no interest, no semblance of idea, to learn or listen to facts.<br />
<br />
And after the latest couple of weeks sharing borders with conspiracy theorist, "freedom seekers" and "God & Trump will protect us and the virus will go away with the heat in June" - I have spent a lot of energy <b>not</b> saying what I think. <b>Not</b> stating rude things. <b>Not</b> making over the top faulty "<i>I want this to be true" </i>signs posting them all over internet or calling people names. (Like they have done.)<br />
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Why? Because I was raised to be a behaved person. I was raised to respect and accept other opinions than my views. I was raised that "<i>be above such muck"</i>.<br />
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However, I was also raised to stand up for what I believe in.<br />
And I was raised to protect the people who couldn't protect themselves.<br />
To think about and consider the people who didn't have a voice in the society.<br />
To NOT only think about myself.<br />
To be alright with having some discomfort IF it meant others were protected and it saved others.<br />
To NOT put myself first all the time but to be humble and considerate of others.<br />
To do the best thing for all of us, not only the best thing for me and mine.<br />
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Some of these things have been easier than others the last few months. I won't lie.<br />
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<i>"First, do no harm"</i><br />
I'm not a physician but the sentiment would be something that I was raised considering regardless. Got to be honest though, my experience with bullies - and I'm afraid I have more than I would've liked - is that you can turn the other cheek a lot of times, and not stoop to their level and be the better person.<br />
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Sadly (?) though, I would say that there was some experience of an effective way to stop and that was "<i>to stoop at their level</i>" and intimidate back. Threaten as the bully was threatening. Strike a punch and they got scared and thought it wasn't worth it. And to be the bigger person if finding a bully in the younger peer group, bullying the younger ones.<br />
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I don't like the experience the violence and threat "<i>solved some bullying</i>". I'm old enough now to see that it works for specific occasions. And that it is situational, like a four year old knows that mommy will be more likely to give the candy in the store if threatened with a full on temper tantrum and screaming and all the noise.<br />
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I had some hope that we were above being four year olds as adults. Or that it needed to be "<i>brought to your own family for you to care</i>". I'm now contemplating that a lot. I find myself looking back at my grandmother's teachings of being a lady, while running a secondary commentary in my head "l<i>et's go outside and solve this the old fashioned way</i>".<br />
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But most of all I have had to fight my thoughts of "<i>maybe, just maybe it's going to have to be really bad for these people to understand the errors of their ways</i>" - also known as <b>Burn it to the ground. </b>It is a fairly common tactic in war after all (hello Russia in WWII and Germany on their Western front). Main issue is that there are A LOT of collateral damage. And again, the main issue here is that even if that would be a wakeup call for many "good faith" people, it wouldn't mean anything to "bad faith argument people". They see what they want to see. And collateral damage doesn't face them.<br />
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That means that the main thing getting hurt from that would be me and the collateral damage, and that wouldn't really help anything now would it?<br />
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<b><i>TLDR: </i></b><br />
Wash your hands.<br />
It's helpful for vulnerable people (and you and others) if we keep social distancing.<br />
Since we don't know everyone, if you are grocery shopping, in a closed space or on a public transportation, please wear a mask to save others like if you have the virus.<br />
IF you feel sick, stay home and don't expose others.<br />
It's the only way vulnerable people (and others like health care workers) will be able to go outside for the foreseeable future.<br />
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And also, if you still think this is a hoax - you are fooled by whatever outlet you watch, read or listen to. The virus and the consequences of being sick are real. And we don't even begin to know how being sick has affected people who have recovered.challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-76282243163945212992020-05-15T00:02:00.001-05:002020-05-15T00:02:06.687-05:00interlude - canada geeseI mean, it's sort of a joke. Back in my home country (Sweden) we have a LOT of Canada geese. Especially congregating at the parks and places where we swedes would like to sit down and have picnics in the spring and summer. I might be slightly biased - as a young child, say 4 years old - I had a slightly less than terrific incident with regular geese (they are bigger and whiter than Canada geese but more tame and therefore less ferocious than wild Canada geese).<br />
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Anyway, it's funny for anyone else to notice that when I'm jogging around in my neighborhood during this "stay at home"/"stay safe" time in Covid-19, there is one new road that takes me to a ess than populated industrial area. I didn't know it existed before this "I need to find places to walk and jog since otherwise I will turn into more of a rotund person". However, I've explored a lot of places that are within a radius of 5 miles of my dwelling in the latests 6 weeks.<br />
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And there are these strange things like a congregation of Canada geese. Next by a road. Very little grass. And also, by another time when I went by, where there little alone cat used to hide.<br />
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Not sure what this means? Do someone feed the cat AND the Canada geese? Are the Canada geese going to eat the cat? (I don't think the cat can take on 5 Canada geese but sure, we could postulate I guess.)<br />
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Anyway, if anyone wants to leave a comment or email - feel free. I have a bunch of half made posts but I am trying to write them so that they are good (at least half decent) and not just venting based on the current situation in life and the world.<br />
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Here's a picture of the Canada geese. And yes, they are judging you. For sure! (the fifth one is one the street next to me on the left, outside of photo.)<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB3sn1rJ-e_-HnTNRnbE9K9MC9QeacvXujXhI-SFBD1x5G837lrjWYJ3mAz16lbPtIw2Zsha19w9hw1AmlYE_Tyf9PfXefaVQDyiHu3B3MM47veK49qYPnqPo6bG010r4IZC9xzw/s1600/IMG_7410.JPG" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB3sn1rJ-e_-HnTNRnbE9K9MC9QeacvXujXhI-SFBD1x5G837lrjWYJ3mAz16lbPtIw2Zsha19w9hw1AmlYE_Tyf9PfXefaVQDyiHu3B3MM47veK49qYPnqPo6bG010r4IZC9xzw/s320/IMG_7410.JPG" width="320" /></a>challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-29766868795796149452020-05-03T17:25:00.001-05:002020-05-04T00:14:03.704-05:00"let's wish the virus away" and other comments - from a microbiologistThe last couple of weeks (months if you are picky) it's been very clear to me that a lot of people are stating opinions and thoughts in regards to covid-19 that are not based on fact, nor knowledge. As I've been working from home and reading news, tweets, facebook posts and listened to a number of news shows and podcast - I've come to grow increasingly frustrated with a few very obvious limitations in what people really know in regards to viruses and pandemics.<br />
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This post is in no way covering all things that I would like to point out. It's mainly a try to state some of the bigger points that have been confused/forgotten/ignored/whathaveyou - in my opinion and knowledge as a trained microbiologist with training in viruses, bacteria and having been an active researcher at the time of the last pandemic (H1N1) where I was part of conferences and guideline preparations on what countries, companies and people could do to prepare for a situation that no one wanted to happen.<br />
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1) it's very important to remember that comparing countries - both in regards to "reported cases", "reported fatalities" and "actions suggested and legislation enforced" - are very different and difficult to compare to each other.<br />
Example; one country only reports deaths in hospitals where the person have had a positive test for virus, another counts all deaths in a hospital where a person have been previously tested positive for the virus and people who died in nursing homes having a few symptoms associated with the virus.<br />
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2) the actions taken by various countries depend, not only on the way the various government have ability to enforce regulations, but also on when in a pandemic they encounter the virus that is spreading across the globe. If early, complete eradication might be possible, if later in the time line - mitigation might be the only opportunity.<br />
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3) reporting "positive tests" as a number on its own is not helpful unless presented in context of "how is testing done" and with numbers of "how many tests have been administrated". This is the long way of saying - know which part of population is being tested, how often and with which test.<br />
Example; one country tests only people going to the hospital with symptoms, another country tests people who go to school regardless of symptoms.<br />
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4) as long as there is no vaccine nor treatment that will make an infected person better, there is no other option to stay healthy but not becoming infected. Any infected person will have to beat the infection on their own. Some people benefit from helpful interventions like ventilators, a lot of people don't necessarily get better as much as we would like from these interventions.<br />
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5) saying "it will go away" doesn't solve anything. The virus "will go away" when it is no longer present in the population by not having any more susceptible people to infect (either by everyone being immune due to earlier infection or by vaccination) or when we have successful treatments. This also implies that a lot of people will have become infected and either survived (immune) or not survived the infection (died) or a treatment has been found.<br />
Example; very few infectious diseases have "gone away". Even when we have vaccines. They have decreased and for a lot of them they might "flare up" in a smaller part of the population and then we can successfully protect more people so they don't get infected. This is also where viruses are different from bacteria since for many of the infectious bacteria we have found an antibiotic that can treat the cause of infection. For viruses, viral infections, the only known "treatment" is a vaccine which technically is viewed as a prevention, rather than treatment, since you need to be vaccinated before being exposed to the virus and therefore avoid infection.<br />
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6) most airborne and droplet spread infections will be hindered by hand washing (the virus will not be present on your hands and therefore not spread when you put your hands in your face), wiping down shared surfaces you touch (with your hands) or by limiting the number of people you meet and talk, cough, hug, kiss or hand off infected stuff to.<br />
Example; someone coughs in a room and droplets end up on a keyboard, you later touch the key board with your hand and then touch your face.... the virus spreads. If the keyboard is wiped down between different users, the virus will be removed/inactivated and the other user will not catch the virus on their hands.<br />
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7) masks limit the amount of virus particles you spread and that others spread to you when breathing/coughing. Proper mask handling is key for this to work. Improper mask handling will create a sense of false safety and therefore might increase the spread.<br />
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8) regardless of your political affiliation - the virus doesn't care about that - everyone in a society is susceptible to viruses (and other infectious diseases). Virus aren't sentient and therefore per definition "not smart" or "intelligent" or any other wording that's being used.<br />
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9) Actually, per strict biological definition a virus isn't alive since it can't replicate on its own. A virus needs to infect a cell to be able to replicate. That's why researchers make a distinction of "being able to replicate" or "infectious doses" and "RNA titers". Of course, this is detail that for much of the current (social and political) discussion isn't really relevant if it's not for the point that a test showing there is RNA present in someone doesn't automatically correlate to that person having a viable virus that can infect and then replicate (it's more likely than not that the virus titer indicates that there is a presence of virus being able to replicate - especially for this covid19 bullet point list that I'm writing here). For the sake of 99% of the conversation about covid19 though, this point is not key relevant since it's the weeds and details that many researchers take into consideration (mainly super important for the discussion of tests and their sensitivity and false negatives and false positives - see point 10).<br />
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10) the general understanding of what constitutes a "validated and confirmed biological test used in hospital setting/for medical purposes" is low. There are a lot of details going into validating a test. Two of the most important factors are sensitivity and specificity. The test needs to be specific enough to only pick up specific factors from the virus (microbe) in question to be positive. The test also needs to be sensitive enough to pick up factors even when in small quantities. There are more factors that are important but in general, I'd say these two factors are key when discussing "false negatives and false positives".<br />
Example: currently there are a lot of antibody tests being deployed all over the world to investigate and confirm how many people have really been infected by SARS-CoV-2 (the virus that causes covid19). The antibody test need to be specific enough to ONLY give positive to people who have been infected by SARS-CoV-2 and not any other virus around. It also needs to be clear how sensitive it is - as in "how many antibodies/what level of immune response" will the test detect. This latter part is complicated since it's not known what kind of threshold is needed to be protected for future exposure nor what kind of immune response various individuals have had if they've been symptomatic or asymptomatic. (see, I'm in the weeds now... lots of details on the background on validation of these tests.)<br />
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11) microbiology, epidemiology and public health are specific areas of expertise where there are a lot of facts and previously collected knowledge that are helpful when determining what to do, when and how. There is a difference between non trained people and trained people in regards of this knowledge.<br />
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12) no situation is being helped by panic. Many situations involving "unknowns" and "large amount of people potentially afflicted" create panic reactions and knee jerk responses at the time they happen. This is why it's important to have a plan before a bad situation happens since then there is less second guessing or panic reactions but rather "following a plan previously vetted and laid out". Most health care workers have been trained in planned responses, so that when "panic situations" arise, the trained people don't panic but rather adapt well to the planned response and go through the situations many of us untrained people wouldn't handle as well. Trust well trained workers.<br />
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I'll stop here since I don't want to overthink or write more at this time. It's my vent and my thoughts and feelings. And hopefully someone who reads this will find it helpful. It was helpful for me to write it down. And possibly I'll make a blog post regarding number 10 - Validation of biological tests - later since I've created test validations under FDA (21 CFR part 11) and EU equivalent from EMA (EU Annex 11) requirements.challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-58910747338398749292020-04-25T12:20:00.003-05:002020-04-25T12:20:29.901-05:00WFH - or "being at home trying to work when crisis going on"?It's been four weeks for me being at home and not being allowed to go to "campus" (my office). so officially I'm "Working From Home" - WFH.<br />
<br />
One of the things that I've been dealing with is the fact that I was SO proud I never got a proper organized work from home station organized at home. (I'll have a disclaimer here - since I'm a "straight A person" this has been stressful. Don't get me wrong, last few years in my job I've worked "<i>being off campus/off hours on weekends</i>" but it's always been my work laptop on my dining table, for a selective period of hours.) It has NOT been in what I call "<i>my room</i>" where I do crafts, write my blog posts, skype with my parents on the weekends, write my short stories - in short; where I do my hobbies and feel like I'm in my personal space (as an introvert).<br />
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It's been a temporary space when I pen my laptop on the dining table in the mornings or perhaps the few days I've been at home the entire day working but not going into the office)l.<br />
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Now?<br />
<br />
Well, sorry sweethearts. My "<i>hobby/relaxing/lovely 'my' room</i>" is turned into "<b>my office</b>". I have my work monitor, a set up with the keyboard, headphones and all the work papers and books that I brought with me from work with special approval. On one level I understand that I should feel grateful that I not only can work from home, and also that we have a full extra room that I can call "my room" - another part of me was very annoyed that "my" room is no longer "my" room rather than "<i>my work room</i>". It might not be an issue for a lot of people, but for me - it's clearly a new thing, and something I have needed to take some time adapting and accepting.<br />
<br />
It's similar to what a colleague of mine mentioned last week. They talked to me about issues that have come up with employees who have a though time adapting to working from home - mainly since they are lab workers and do lots of lab work - with out lab, what do they do? And that they are fortunate to get a pay check anyways (my work place is paying everyone so far, no furloughs of full time employees, regardless of "being able to do work from home or not").<br />
<br />
For me I've mainly been dealing with the idea that I could technically work<i> at least </i>12 hours a day, every day. There's a lot of things I need to do that's only me doing and once I'm done, we are done. So, part of my anxiety is to focus on that I "will not" do the work in 3 days, but I will do it in 4 days since I'm working 8 hours a day from home.<br />
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Trust me, it's not that easy and clear cut for a slightly over-working, over-achieving type A personality like myself.<br />
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Another way of looking at this situation - especially when talking to colleagues who are at home with children and therefore feel guilty that they aren't doing great in either place, their younger kids are upset "<i>mommy/daddy doesn't play with me"</i>, nor that they get enough done at work - is looking at it slightly differently.<br />
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It's not "<i>working from home"</i> as we usually know it. It's "<i>being at home and trying to work in a crisis</i>". Sometimes giving the right frame to a picture makes you see the details in a clearer light and giving you an added understanding to your emotions and actions.<br />
<br />challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-36250430025461763732020-04-10T00:05:00.000-05:002020-04-10T00:05:19.941-05:00dealing with anxiety (safer-at-home edition 1)I ran into my old kickboxing trainer today. I would say he looked more surprised to see me than I him. He apparently thought I had left town. No idea why. Apart from that he was the one leaving and cutting all of us off. I almost said "<i>you took the heavy bag I paid for when you scooted out, and I would've really enjoyed it in my home now in Covid19 times</i>". Of course I didn't say that. Because that would be ... I dunno, unnecessary? It's been almost 10 years.<br />
<br />
Still though, it brought back an old conversation I had with a therapist during my divorce (even more years ago). I talked about how I handled anxiety and that I had noticed 5 different outlets that might not have been the best options all the time.<br />
In no particular order;<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>drinking (alcohol)</li>
<li>eating (oh chips, carbs are faves, but really - beggars can't be choosers)</li>
<li>getting into a fight (referring to verbal fights and slight screaming, since I wasn't a brawler)</li>
<li>having sex</li>
<li>working out (especially on a heavy bag with gloves, intervals so almost puking or sparring against someone bigger)</li>
</ul>
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At the time, I was quite proud that I had moved away from the destructive ones and kept working out to keep calm and in control of feelings and stressors. This quarantine/safer-at-home deal makes it a little more complicated since I currently don't have a heavy bag at home. Sure, I have a few kettle bells and I jog/do intervals at times in the neighborhood. However, it's not the "<i>all out endorphin looking kick</i>" that I've chased over the years to mellow me out. </div>
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I guess I know now that I have to up my milage (haven't done more than 6 miles since marathon in December) and start doing the horrid intervals/fartlek to see if that kicks in the "<i>adrenalin get aways</i>" and the <i>endorphin kickoffs.</i> It wasn't an issue in the fall when I averaged 22 miles a week (4, 3, 15 miles) when training for the marathon, and doing spinning intervalls and weights/boxing twice a week. Currently I'm more in the "walking 3-5 miles a day" and "jogging twice a week", but nothing over 6 miles (since I'm in my neighborhood and not the park where I used to go long distance running). It's not enough to keep the balance.</div>
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Why do I think about this? Because the other options on the list aren't really great choices as outlets. And especially not as a grown up who should be honest with ones feelings and reactions - as I refer to myself right now. I know, it would be best if I learned to deal with anxiety as regular people. Now, what do regular people do when stressed??? (I really don't know. Please let me know)</div>
challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-32266477063521494782020-03-12T10:24:00.000-05:002020-03-12T10:24:15.540-05:00a pandemic is inconvenient - and we are not used to thatIf there is one thing I've been saying once it was clear that the virus situation in Wuhan was something extraordinary, it's "I<i>t's going to be inconvenient for many people. I mean, people complain about one snow storm stopping their plans. This is going to be more for longer time</i>".<br />
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What I meant was that a lot of people didn't, and still don't, understand the basic concept of a pandemic. We have built a world where a lot of us think we have control. We decide. And if we want to do something, we do. (Of course there are a lot of people who don't have these choices. A lot of choices open up when you get from poor to middle class. Or higher.)<br />
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In reality though, the only way to stop a pandemic is to stop the spread of the infectious agent. In this case, Covid19, it's a virus that spreads mostly people to people, but also can't be ruled out as fomites (virus gets to a surface, you touch surface with hand, then touch hand to face/mouth, you might be infected).<br />
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So, now that WHO has declared a pandemic, a lot of countries will and have already done these curtailing measures. Most of these will be annoying for you in your everyday life. And it will be so for a while - most start with "<i>for the next 2 weeks or 30 days</i>". A lot of them will probably be longer. And it will affect a lot of businesses, family income and infrastructure.<br />
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It's important to remember, this is much better than the alternative - which would be a more chaotic, panicked world where people would be more hurt and dead.<br />
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What can you do to make this situation better?<br />
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Well, first of all - don't disregard the severity of the situation. Exponential growth is difficult to understand. When I started learning epidemiology and microbiology we had examples with peas and then one with a pond of water lilies (think Monet or Manet paintings).<br />
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<i>In a pond grows water lilies. Every water lily gives rise to another water lily the next day. At day 48 the pond is full with water lilies. When is the pond half full?*</i><br />
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On top of this is - at least in the USA - a underreporting of cases since there is a lag in confirmed tested cases. That means that the confirmed cases is not the amount of people who are infected.<br />
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And to underscore the point with curtailing measures. It's not because we think the majority of people in society will die. It is because people who are in risk groups have NO OTHER way to protect themselves but for all of us to decrease the amount of people who walk around spreading the virus. There is no vaccine, no specific treatment and no immunity.<br />
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And the risk groups right now are pretty broad; older people (definitely over 70), immunosuppressed people (any former cancer and transplant patient), pre-existing conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity...<br />
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So please, let's repeat this to all of us who will get annoyed, bored, scared and inconvenienced in the weeks/months to come. <b>It's because this is the better way than the alternative</b>. It's not because it is fun and games. There will be no concerts, no sports events, no conferences, less/no travel and no vacations.<br />
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Staying at home doesn't mean play parties or drink parties. It means distancing yourself and your family to avoid spreading virus. It means, calling your grandmom on the phone or via skype, and not going to visit with your cute little child. School closings means that you can't put your child in after school activities since they are not supposed to be in a big group. And it means not going to a game of hockey to avoid thinking about this pandemic and worrying. Nope. It's you, at home, trying to keep hope that this to will pass and the world will learn, while washing your hands and avoiding touching your face.<br />
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Also, it will be imperative NOT to burden the (hospital and health care) system unnecessary. Most likely there will be longer wait times for everything and staff will either be fewer or they will be overworked. So please keep that in mind.<br />
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Food banks will need money and food for the poor who will lose income and jobs. And for the children who don't get their subsidized school lunch.<br />
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Overall, it's going to be rough before it gets better. And we will need to overcome it together.<br />
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*the pond is half full with water lilies at day 47. It's very hard to grasp since it means "it grow so fast over night" but in reality it was same as always, one per one 1:1 spread. which in covid19 would be 1:2 or 1:3 plus the super spreaders who have been shown to infect as many as 1:100. pond fills very quickly.challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33286815.post-27294449832975638212020-02-26T22:33:00.000-06:002020-02-26T22:33:50.614-06:00"Best of" ... and one of my fave posts per year I've done thisEvery once in awhile I get a bit surprised. I've kept this blog going for over 13 years.... not as many posts nowadays than when in the most productive times. I think it is a combination of "<i>not as many blogposts as before for people in general</i>" and "<i>not as much time for blog posts as before</i>". I was a little less private before.<br />
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It seems as the more people I know in person/with proper names and real life, the less I feel that this venting and writing is appropriate. Guess it is a part of being an introvert, but also a sane conclusion of being older and knowing that nothing on internet is really anonymous.<br />
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However, I read some of my older posts and and glad that I was this honest and wrote what I did. There are two of them that show some of the less fun parts of my life, but in context with some other ones, I am happy to read them. While they were written in times of turmoil and unknown life, they managed to capture how I felt, and how I wanted to get out of the feelings.<br />
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I thought I would make a list; best of the posts. And then in the end, the "most read posts" - which no surpose, aren't the same ;)<br />
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<u>Top 5 - most read</u><br />
1. <a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2019/03/being-failure-vs-having-failed-at.html">Being a failure vs having failed at something</a><br />
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2. <a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2016/07/most-important-for-woman-being-likable.html">Most important for a woman, being likable</a></div>
3. <a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2015/04/rejection-part-of-life-and-grant-writing.html">Rejection - part of life and grant writing</a><br />
4. <a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2015/08/feedback-on-resume-tough-love.html">Feedback on resume - tough love</a><br />
5. <a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-importance-of-saying-thank-you.html">The importance of saying Thank you</a><br />
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<u>My own favorites from the years are here (probably too many but there are various categories and it is one for each of the 13 years and one lagniappe*... )</u><br />
<u><br /></u>My first of "two of them" - trying being poetic, hoping to be Sylvia Plath or Karin Boye. Of course failing but trying is better than not even giving it a chance.<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2006/09/in-his-sleep-he-turns-to-her.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2006/09/in-his-sleep-he-turns-to-her.html</a><br />
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The Second ot the two. An explanation of being in a less than optimal boat, drifting at sea but not accepting that it should be necessary to leave the boat and hop onto a bigger cruise ship....<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2010/09/alone-on-ocean-in-dinghy-with-one-oar.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2010/09/alone-on-ocean-in-dinghy-with-one-oar.html</a><br />
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Then there are gems (at least to me) where I pucker up and have feelings "of before" and go to work. This would be when I won a great negotiation<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2008/08/seducing-boys-club.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2008/08/seducing-boys-club.html</a><br />
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And this one why I am conflicted about the whole issue with engagement rings and diamonds a la America<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2009/11/every-killing-begins-with-k_29.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2009/11/every-killing-begins-with-k_29.html</a><br />
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And the best title as a conversation starter.... just not best choice to do at work ;)<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2012/11/ive-slept-with-more-people-than-k.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2012/11/ive-slept-with-more-people-than-k.html</a><br />
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Good reminder on what I felt like moving into the job after the post doc<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2009/12/fat-girl-with-cookie.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2009/12/fat-girl-with-cookie.html</a><br />
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Moving on my career, when handing in a letter of resignation<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2013/10/handing-in-my-letter_15.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2013/10/handing-in-my-letter_15.html</a><br />
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Six year anniversary of the blog<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2012/08/six-year-anniversary.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2012/08/six-year-anniversary.html</a><br />
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Again, I'm not a girl, I'm a woman. Or one of the guys. And these posts tell that story.<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2012/07/im-not-girl.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2012/07/im-not-girl.html</a><br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2010/09/that-is-doctor-girl-with-panties-in.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2010/09/that-is-doctor-girl-with-panties-in.html</a><br />
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My thoughts on being friends with coworkers<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2015/02/being-friends-with-co-workers.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2015/02/being-friends-with-co-workers.html</a><br />
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Interesting posts about how I viewed my job after a few months<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2014/01/job-transition-part-1.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2014/01/job-transition-part-1.html</a><br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2014/01/job-transition-part-2.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2014/01/job-transition-part-2.html</a><br />
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My dreams and feminist ideal<br />
<a href="http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-men-would-benefit-from-having.html">http://chall-dreams.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-men-would-benefit-from-having.html</a><br />
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Let me know which one, or some other post, you like or that touches you or something I should rewrite/do over! I'd like some feedback.<br />
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*<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagniappe">one of those lovely words</a> I've picked up in my new life :)<br />
<br />challhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.com0