It's that thing about secrets. You all of a sudden get them, from someone else - or you make something that you want to keep a secret - and then they tend to haunt you.
As for this, it's not as much secrets I guess as "being someone's confidante" - I really can't think of an English word for it. In Swedish I would think of a word, but in English I'm currently drawing a blank. Anyone have a suggestion, I'd be more than happy to exchange the 'confidante'.
Anyway, the last couple of weeks my head and ego have been boosted - to a sort. I'm feeling grateful that I have friends who really confide in me, their thoughts and feelings, and who wants me advice (feedback might be better wording here) on their current situation - don't get me wrong. It is just that right now I'm feeling slightly confused and conflicted. Not to mention a lot of thoughts and feelings, and I shouldn't and won't betray their trust. So, all in my head.
I won't make an analogy about "confessions" since I'm not trying to pretend I would have help from God or some Higher being, but rather my own thoughts about some dicy situations and that I am not entirely sure on what to do.... nor advice (if I end up doing that, which I'm hesitant to anyway) but rather what to do with all my feelings and thoughts after "their ventings" (or what to call it) since it is more of being a sounding board and trying to give some questions to help them navigate what ever they are trying to sort out. It's about "being there and listening" and not giving judgement nor advice, but to just be there for them. And the last few weeks, it's been quite heavy stuff that makes me, not only think about my past, but to that whole "what would I do" and "what I am currently doing with my life" and also having to face that I'm not good with this whole "there is nothing I can do to fix the things" - I can 'only' be there for my friend. Ah well, meet type A - Dr chall. Happy to be of service.
I don't feel comfortable writing more in detail here - maybe I shouldn't even post this (but since this is fairly generic, maybe it is acceptable to write this little rant here?*)?
In short, I'm tempted to dig a hole in the ground and shout the secret(s) into it and put the soil back in. Then again, in the story that really didn't work out that well.... so, maybe I'm left with voicing it out in the night to the stars, face the scary and hope and cross my fingers and toes (and/or pray) that things will work out.
Right now though, I'm truly thinking and hoping that if only people could think and care about someone but themselves (I see the irony, don't worry) most of these secrets (situations) would've never happened. And truly, many people wouldn't have been hurt.
As I'm thinking more about it, maybe I simply needed to write it down here and post it for a second or so before removing it and get some of my frustration of the whole situation out?
*Most of them revolve around family, and how to go from this to something in the future... as I am trying to explain, mostly to myself, I'm usually pretty good with this due to my training but convergence of the season and multiple things are slightly overwhelming when coupled with some IRL things in my own life... ah well, I think this post in itself helped a lot. Will see how much remains after a night's sleep ^^
4 comments:
I hope a night of sleep and this post helped. I try to make it clear to everyone that by telling me a secret, they are actually telling both my partner and I a secret (or some other preset, trusted person, before I met my partner). Just that much helps relieve the pressure greatly.
Good luck to you and your family.
Barefoot> Yes, it did help a little by writing it. Thanks for the well wishes with family, mine are doing well - it's others' families and their issues....
Ah well, just a little venting and it's all better. Thanks!!
Totally get this. Sometimes I'm sort of proud that someone would confide in me. And sometimes I really hate having to keep it to myself. Like when I know something at work and have to wait impatiently for it to "get out" since I agreed I wouldn't share. Ugh!
Yep, as Barefoot says, the saying (or is it just a U2 lyric that sounds like a saying?) "a secret is a thing you tell one other person" is soooo true; if I don't get to tell one person (almost always my husband), I'll feel incredibly stressed and might just blab to a much bigger group... it helps if the secret is something my husband doesn't care about, since he'll probably just forget it as soon as I tell it to him, but I'll still feel better for having shared the burden!
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