One of the things I have realised I am grateful for from my undergraduate days has been my anatomy class. Maybe not for the obvious reasons, it was very good to learn about the body and the organs, but rather the time we went for autopsy and the viewings of dead people. Our professor, a very sweet old man in his 70ies, stood in the cold room before the autopsy and showed what people look like afterwards, when sown up and ready for viewings. He stood next to a body and lifted the hospital blanket (typical yellow one) and lifted the dead man's arm and started talking in a soothing voice on how there was nothing scary about touching a dead body, no disease spreading from the cold skin, just another day... and that this was normal, something that happens to all of us in due time... "avdramatiserat" as we would say in Swedish ("less drama?").
Then the class moved into the anatomical theater and proceeded to view the autopsy, without much drama, more in the mood of reverence and interest of our own endings. I still remember my fascination when looking at the brain and seeing exactly how big a liver is in a full sized human.
Anyway, I've come to realise - maybe even more here in this place where "viewings" are customary the day before the funeral, since this is not the case where I grew up - that I am grateful that my first time seeing a dead body was without any drama, no emotions of knowing the person, and that I didn't have to be scared when it was time for me to see a relative dead in front of me. Some of my friends back home have never seen a dead person ever. And when death happens now, not only do they have to deal with the grief, they have some apprehension and fear about seeing "the first dead body" too, with all the thoughts and fear that might come with that.
I won't say it's easy to see violent death, I don't think so - nor do I doubt that you might not ever "get used to it", but a dead body in itself doesn't scare me and for that I am very grateful. And that it happened during a university class where we were fortunate to have an old man talking about it with all the confidence and calm that "this is the way of life, we all die in the end".
At this particular day I wish one of my friends would've had that experience so it wouldn't have been as a tough time... or maybe I am only rationalising too much? What are your thoughts about it? Am I from an odd place, as it seems many a times, where we don't experience death to the same degree that other places do. And that it is one of those things where "shielding" might do more harm than good? (I sometimes think so, since it is inevitable after all. No one can escape death, no matter how much we might wish for it to be so.)
6 comments:
interesting post Chall. I never really thought about this. I do wish I hadn't seen my first dead body, being my favourite grandma. Come to think of it ... must have been the only dead body I've seen so far.
I remember my mother wanted us to experience the dead body, showing us it isn't scary, but as you point out, I was just way too emotional already, and by the way they'd done her hair and how they hadn't managed to put on the peaceful smile, it just seemed like a different person altogether and not how I wanted to remember her.
I don't know if it's good or bad to see dead bodies. It is possible to do viewings in the NL, but I think mostly people just nail the coffin shut straight away. Personally, I like to remember a person as a living being, even though (I think) I am not scared of dead bodies per se.
One of my close friends back home is dealing with a dying mom right now, and even the process of going through ravaging cancer I think is awful to see. Perhaps worse than a dead body? To see how something is eating away from the inside .. that is scary.
I only attended my first funeral about 1.5 years ago. It was a friend of ours - so he was relatively young, just married, and had a baby on the way. Seeing the body did not scare me - hearing the pain in his wife's voice (and she spoke entirely in a foreign language) was heartbreaking.
The second funeral I attended was for my 92 year-old grandmother a few months ago. Again, seeing the body didn't do anything to me. I do remember how cold she was when I touched her hand though. That kind of got into my head a bit, because I think at that point I knew life was no longer in her body. Very strange feeling.
So, I'm kind of with you - the bodies don't scare me or freak me out. What does tug at my emotions are the speeches and tears of everyone around.
Nina: I think that was why I was grateful that my granny wasn't the first one.... We don't do viewings outside of close family.
I do relate to your last paragraph, the dying part is hard. To see someone you love (or anyone really) transforming into someone you don't know - regardless if it is cancer or dementia.
Alyssa: funerals can really be hard. I personally think it is good for the grief process afterwards, but that doesn't mean that the ceremony in itself can make me not wanting to be there at all, especially if it is a "younger" person who hadn't lived their life so to speak.
It's as you say, the people who hurt and are in pain talking about the dead person and you experience their pain.... yes... that triggers a lot of emotions.
Agreed, very interesting post.
I've never seen a dead body - I was too young when my Mum's Mum died, and didn't have the chance with my Dad's Mum as I had to travel from Glasgow and arrived after all viewings were over. (Both my grandfathers died before I was born). I think your comment about your first time being emotionally detached and calm is spot-on... although time will tell how stressful it really is when it does happen to me.
I think everyone's different... when Mr E Man's father died, he and his brother didn't want to view the body, but his sisters did. I've never been to an open casket funeral where you basically don't have the choice.
Cath> the stressful part for me was slightly lessened (or not heightened) of thinking too much about the "what does the body look like". Apart from that tough, I would say that some of the times when it's been someone I knew, it was very tough. I mean, it's just a very definete thing - seeing someone dead. (I know I'm sounding a little trite and obvious maybe, but anyway..)
I hadn't been to an open casket funeral before moving to the US... and I'm not really fond of it tbh. But to each their own I guess. It's a similar thing with not having been to a casket funeral outside by the grave at home either. "just" the ceremony in church and then a few weeks later an urn to put into the grave... cremating.
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