Well, I got to be happy for a few days, but today all hope was squished. "Not clear of the kind of conceptual advance which would generate interest from our reader".... [paraphrasing] Ah, it's probably much better though, to get rejected without even getting sent out for review. At least it was very quick. Now the manuscript can get sent to another journal.... if I just can figure out a better [more appropriate] one.
Feeling a bit bummed though. Really wanted this to work. It would've been my best IF so far...
Then again, maybe that wouldn't mean too much ;)
Off to scout for a new vanue, and I think C/N/S style is out. (read: not general enough, nor conceptial apparently... duh) The hard choice is going to be which way we will have to rewrite it towards... huu....
I guess I can give it a night and grieve/feel bummed/mope before I pick it up and reformat the whole deal. Yack.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
You make a huge mistake
…in the middle of the day, aka lunch time. I started reading a little thing about the swine flu debate… and realized (again) that I won’t be able to be quiet nor calm. Some people are just too scary for their own good.
Since I’m busy today I can’t write my piece right now, but I will have too soon. I can however jot down a few bullet points. All of them since it makes me cringe how little people really understand “causality” and “correlation” and what this “statistical significance” really means.
Let’s start with simple biology;
*Virus infections can not be treated with antibiotics
*Actually, apart from some anti-virals that work against some viral infections, we humans have nothing real good to fight a viral infection. Hence the interest and need for vaccines
..and then on to the more hard to argue about since they are so… taken out of thin air?!
* Pharma is not out to kill us all, really not.
* Even if Pharma is only around to make money, they don’t want to kill everyone (especially not their potential clients who will buy drugs)
There are some mix ups of all these arguments which makes it really hard to argue the case. Why? Because the whole discussion focuses on A,B and then logically D,E and G. If you are to point out that in fact, “B is wrong, C and F are missing, and D doesn’t follow B, but sure, G is a bit tough” then the focus will be “G is a bit tough, huh I TOLD you so!!!” and all other points are forgotten since one of the statements were sort of true….
* I agree completely that the WHO screwed up on the “non disclosure” factor of which affiliation the researchers who were involved in the reference group had. I thought it would lead to, as it has, the whole “if you’re hiding it, it’s because it’s fishy”. That was real stupidly done. (Doesn’t influence what I think about the reasoning though…)
* If the vaccine hadn’t been done, and the pandemic would’ve flooded us, and people died en masse… you think anyone would’ve been holding back? Nah. We call this the classical “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.
*The link between side effects of the swine flu vaccine and people, compared to the “seasonal flu vaccine” and side effects is going to be real interesting to study. Why you might ask. Because the swine flu vaccine was made exactly like the seasonal one… with the same mixings… apart from [drum roll] the actual virus. I guess my fascination as a scientist is key here- imagine if it is something with these epitopes that trigger something. Or, as some of us fellow flu scientists hypothesized, it might be a “huge cohort” and “underlying factors” that aren’t obvious to start with. Sure, x sounds like a large number. Comparing x to 10000x makes it less… so… still going to be investigated of course.
And my main source of irritation right now.
WHY are people so prone to listen to some person who hasn’t gotten any relevant experience (never mind degree) in the subject at hand and believe in them?!?! I mean, seriously. Would you believe Person A on the street telling you that newer models of air planes are unsafe to fly in because they have heard one other person telling them that and they liked this other person?
If you wouldn’t, why trust some person stating “anyone with a degree is associated with pharma, and therefore trying to make money of you, and not caring about your life. Me however, with no knowledge in anything related to life sciences or body functions, I know the real deal here”.
Really!?!?!
Time to go work and hopefully I can let go of this childish “let them all have viruses next time and see what they say then” attitude. Got to save the children, even if their parents are trying their hardest not to, right?!
Since I’m busy today I can’t write my piece right now, but I will have too soon. I can however jot down a few bullet points. All of them since it makes me cringe how little people really understand “causality” and “correlation” and what this “statistical significance” really means.
Let’s start with simple biology;
*Virus infections can not be treated with antibiotics
*Actually, apart from some anti-virals that work against some viral infections, we humans have nothing real good to fight a viral infection. Hence the interest and need for vaccines
..and then on to the more hard to argue about since they are so… taken out of thin air?!
* Pharma is not out to kill us all, really not.
* Even if Pharma is only around to make money, they don’t want to kill everyone (especially not their potential clients who will buy drugs)
There are some mix ups of all these arguments which makes it really hard to argue the case. Why? Because the whole discussion focuses on A,B and then logically D,E and G. If you are to point out that in fact, “B is wrong, C and F are missing, and D doesn’t follow B, but sure, G is a bit tough” then the focus will be “G is a bit tough, huh I TOLD you so!!!” and all other points are forgotten since one of the statements were sort of true….
* I agree completely that the WHO screwed up on the “non disclosure” factor of which affiliation the researchers who were involved in the reference group had. I thought it would lead to, as it has, the whole “if you’re hiding it, it’s because it’s fishy”. That was real stupidly done. (Doesn’t influence what I think about the reasoning though…)
* If the vaccine hadn’t been done, and the pandemic would’ve flooded us, and people died en masse… you think anyone would’ve been holding back? Nah. We call this the classical “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”.
*The link between side effects of the swine flu vaccine and people, compared to the “seasonal flu vaccine” and side effects is going to be real interesting to study. Why you might ask. Because the swine flu vaccine was made exactly like the seasonal one… with the same mixings… apart from [drum roll] the actual virus. I guess my fascination as a scientist is key here- imagine if it is something with these epitopes that trigger something. Or, as some of us fellow flu scientists hypothesized, it might be a “huge cohort” and “underlying factors” that aren’t obvious to start with. Sure, x sounds like a large number. Comparing x to 10000x makes it less… so… still going to be investigated of course.
And my main source of irritation right now.
WHY are people so prone to listen to some person who hasn’t gotten any relevant experience (never mind degree) in the subject at hand and believe in them?!?! I mean, seriously. Would you believe Person A on the street telling you that newer models of air planes are unsafe to fly in because they have heard one other person telling them that and they liked this other person?
If you wouldn’t, why trust some person stating “anyone with a degree is associated with pharma, and therefore trying to make money of you, and not caring about your life. Me however, with no knowledge in anything related to life sciences or body functions, I know the real deal here”.
Really!?!?!
Time to go work and hopefully I can let go of this childish “let them all have viruses next time and see what they say then” attitude. Got to save the children, even if their parents are trying their hardest not to, right?!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
comfort pants got to go
I don't know about others but I have some comfort clothes in my closet. Clothes I never really wear, really should get rid of but never seem to do. Why? Because somewhere it feels better to me to look at 15 pair of pants and think that I have a choice of pants. In reality though, I only wear 3 pairs of them. 3 are too big, they fall off. At least 4 are too old and torn, that if I were to wear them, I'd be in risk of being asked if I wanted change. And then there are a couple I never should have bought in the first place since they don't really fit.... either in style or model. I mean, a pair of jeans in really light wash that are tight with rips?
Sometimes relationship are the same thing. The times I've heard "it is friendship", but could you really call them in time of need? Are they more of "acquaintance" than 'friends'. In Swedish there are three words many use in order to sort this out in your head; 'vän', 'kompis' and 'bekant'.
The last one, 'bekant', is most likely translated in to 'acquaintance'. Someone you sort of know by name/face in the circle of friends but not too much more than that. It's the other two that I have a problem with here in this new place of mine. Especially since I have a distinct feeling that there is no difference between them when I translate into English. My 'vän' (in Swedish) is someone I can call whenever I need them. My 'kompis' (in Swedish), is someone who usually listen if you're out taking a beer or something like that. Not the one who would bail you out, and probably not listen to you inner feelings or more serious stuff that goes on. Less messy, less strings... but it's nice 'friendship' and you can think of it as the group of 'friends' who you go camping with for the weekend, not all of them are you 'friends' but as a group you're friends. Maybe it would be 'associates' or 'pals' or something? But I think it's more likely 'friends' and 'close/real friends'?
I've had reason to think about this once again here in post doc city since I realise that I have plenty of 'kompisar' but not many friends. Although, for argument sake I would probably state that I personally don't have many 'close friends' '(nära) vänner' since that's in the definition for me about friendship.
I guess partly it's my thing, my mistake of not trying hard enough to socialize and let people in (but I don't think you get these friends easy or fast... and then you might still have some friends on the other side of the world - granted, hugs are hard to get through email and phone calls). And that things can be over analysed and over defined, since it is about emotions and not quantifying or intellectualize abstract things.
But, I have to say that it does hurt when you think you have a friend in someone, and then you understand that it's not true. Nope. They are really more of a 'kompis' or even an acquaintance you've know for a longer time and not a friend who really cares about you and the former friendship you shared. It sort of sucks. Although, to be fair, it's what life is. And you do assess, adapt to the knew situation and move on.*
And that's where the comfort pants come in. I'm starting to think I will clean out all the pants I don't wear, since the comfort of looking at the multitude of pants is severely diminished once realizing that I really won't be wearing some of them in case of the other ones being out of place - after all, I have a bunch of skirts and dresses and need not the fake comfort anymore!
Bad pants out, good pants stay; that will make a cleaner day.
[as a side note it seems like there's been some research (OK, it's not this year) about "Americans suffering a loss of quality and quantity of close friendships since 1985. Interestingly, 25% have no close confidants..." more from the same study, "it shows that the dependancy from friends to family rose." I guess it points towards one of those things I've found more obvious here, that men and woman are not supposed to be friends; and that the most important thing is to have one spouse with whom you share it all and no one else.
It's not all bad of course. There might be something to having a close family instead of friends... and blood is thicker than water etc. Still though, I think key thing is that you have someone, or three, people who care about you and whom you care about too. Opening up and trusting someone, the question is mainly to choose wisely on whom to trust.]
*in theory, it sounds easy.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
my life with cats and dogs
[I wrote parts of this earlier in the week but since I'm currently on my xth night of not sleeping well, I figured I'd share it. It has of course, nothing to do with science... almost nothing anyway. It was either this post, or a little one about comfort pants in the closet ... I'll save that one for another day.]
I have a little problem that people in general don't really understand. See, I'm not a huge fan of cats - nor dogs. I mean, I like small kittens.... and puppies are cute. Big dogs though, and big cats with teeth though, not so much. One could say I am sort of scared of them even. It's not better since I know that they can feel (smell or taste of whatever you call it) that someone is not loving them and they turn more nervous. It's that sad thing that the more nervous you are, the more on edge they become. You know, like in a horror movie when one person gets all the others riled up and then the guns, knives and craziness come out? And all could've probably been avoided if everyone just shut up and went in their own little corner.
Usually I'm fine with it though, if the pet's owner (or the one the cat owns looking at it from their perspective) is at the house with me. Well... that's not the situation when you are cat or dog sitting. Huh. One thinks a PhD could've figured that one out. (duh) Alas, it seems like this particular doctor didn't really put that into the equation when offering to help out.
To add insult to the injury - the cats (I've noticed it is more a problem with cats since I see their claws and fangs once they look at my) seem to take extra pleasure to be where I am to make me more fidgety. Sleeping? well... when the cat wants to snuggle in the bed I'm sleeping in, they can clearly sleep well. Me? Not so much. Not to mention that I am terrified of accidentally roll on top of them so they get a reason to claw me. (Hence loving the closed door, separate living quarters from the litter box, sleeping pad and the food. I don't feel that evil then for closing them out. Doesn't stop them from making all sorts of sounds when they want your attention though. But that's another thing. I can usually close that out pretty well... sort of.)
It's not out of nowhere this fear (or whatever one should call it) comes from. As a child my family cat sat a cat who turned out to be a bit on the bad side. Not to blame him really, he lived in a family of three kids who weren't gentle with him. He went after me one night in my sleep... and I clearly live to remember it. And have attributed most of the species with the same behaviour.
Ah well, the true kicker of the story is that I am not scared of other animals people tend to find scary. Horses for example. Not a problem. Could have something to do with the fact that I've been around them for a long time and have encountered a lot of tricks to do when they decide to play rough. A good thing to know might be that unless the horse is really out to harm you and takes aim from a long distance, you just cling to the head and hold on to that. Then they can't really hurt you. Of course, it helps if they have a "mouth/head thing" on since that is what you rear them in with. And clutch onto.
I'm clearly not mentioning the absurd idea of being a researcher with a fear of rats... and mice... the mice thing I got over real quick. Let's just say having a project that depended on you being alone with mice and working with them several hours a day for a really long time is a great motivator. Still not super keen on going after male breeder mice to pick up from their cage, but I can do it. To be fair, pregger female ones aren't too nice either - or when they have dropped a litter and you need to change the bedding. (And no, rats are still out of the equation. Even the dead one I saw a few days ago while out walking the dog I'm currently the best friend of. She loves me. And I have to say, she's not as scary as other dogs. And less scary than the cats.) Even rabbits are sort of on the bad side (big teeth and I'm sure you've seen the Killer Rabbit?).
And then I'm not even mentioning birds. huu.... virus and bacteria from I don't know what. And a viewing of "The Birds" when I was way too young. Still fidgeting when being outdoors and eating a sandwich and those sparrows or crows come hopping... guess that could also have something to do with seeing crows while mountain hiking and seeing what they can do to a deer... I know it might have been dead when they started, or at least half dead but still... those beaks and eyes, now I'm clearly not sleeping soundly too night. Way too vivid imagination for being a bright girl.
And yes, I can see that this might make me sound like a scared, slightly pathetic person. Then again, I've been confronting my fears about mice, cats and dogs (even if I agree that one of the cats really gave me hisses and showed teeth that I had never seen before and I wasn't the cockiest but then again, I was barefoot and in short shorts....) so at least I'm working on it... Loose dogs in the street though, still have a long way to go with that (and no, I doubt it will ever happen. I like my body too much for that ;) ).
I have a little problem that people in general don't really understand. See, I'm not a huge fan of cats - nor dogs. I mean, I like small kittens.... and puppies are cute. Big dogs though, and big cats with teeth though, not so much. One could say I am sort of scared of them even. It's not better since I know that they can feel (smell or taste of whatever you call it) that someone is not loving them and they turn more nervous. It's that sad thing that the more nervous you are, the more on edge they become. You know, like in a horror movie when one person gets all the others riled up and then the guns, knives and craziness come out? And all could've probably been avoided if everyone just shut up and went in their own little corner.
Usually I'm fine with it though, if the pet's owner (or the one the cat owns looking at it from their perspective) is at the house with me. Well... that's not the situation when you are cat or dog sitting. Huh. One thinks a PhD could've figured that one out. (duh) Alas, it seems like this particular doctor didn't really put that into the equation when offering to help out.
To add insult to the injury - the cats (I've noticed it is more a problem with cats since I see their claws and fangs once they look at my) seem to take extra pleasure to be where I am to make me more fidgety. Sleeping? well... when the cat wants to snuggle in the bed I'm sleeping in, they can clearly sleep well. Me? Not so much. Not to mention that I am terrified of accidentally roll on top of them so they get a reason to claw me. (Hence loving the closed door, separate living quarters from the litter box, sleeping pad and the food. I don't feel that evil then for closing them out. Doesn't stop them from making all sorts of sounds when they want your attention though. But that's another thing. I can usually close that out pretty well... sort of.)
It's not out of nowhere this fear (or whatever one should call it) comes from. As a child my family cat sat a cat who turned out to be a bit on the bad side. Not to blame him really, he lived in a family of three kids who weren't gentle with him. He went after me one night in my sleep... and I clearly live to remember it. And have attributed most of the species with the same behaviour.
Ah well, the true kicker of the story is that I am not scared of other animals people tend to find scary. Horses for example. Not a problem. Could have something to do with the fact that I've been around them for a long time and have encountered a lot of tricks to do when they decide to play rough. A good thing to know might be that unless the horse is really out to harm you and takes aim from a long distance, you just cling to the head and hold on to that. Then they can't really hurt you. Of course, it helps if they have a "mouth/head thing" on since that is what you rear them in with. And clutch onto.
I'm clearly not mentioning the absurd idea of being a researcher with a fear of rats... and mice... the mice thing I got over real quick. Let's just say having a project that depended on you being alone with mice and working with them several hours a day for a really long time is a great motivator. Still not super keen on going after male breeder mice to pick up from their cage, but I can do it. To be fair, pregger female ones aren't too nice either - or when they have dropped a litter and you need to change the bedding. (And no, rats are still out of the equation. Even the dead one I saw a few days ago while out walking the dog I'm currently the best friend of. She loves me. And I have to say, she's not as scary as other dogs. And less scary than the cats.) Even rabbits are sort of on the bad side (big teeth and I'm sure you've seen the Killer Rabbit?).
And then I'm not even mentioning birds. huu.... virus and bacteria from I don't know what. And a viewing of "The Birds" when I was way too young. Still fidgeting when being outdoors and eating a sandwich and those sparrows or crows come hopping... guess that could also have something to do with seeing crows while mountain hiking and seeing what they can do to a deer... I know it might have been dead when they started, or at least half dead but still... those beaks and eyes, now I'm clearly not sleeping soundly too night. Way too vivid imagination for being a bright girl.
And yes, I can see that this might make me sound like a scared, slightly pathetic person. Then again, I've been confronting my fears about mice, cats and dogs (even if I agree that one of the cats really gave me hisses and showed teeth that I had never seen before and I wasn't the cockiest but then again, I was barefoot and in short shorts....) so at least I'm working on it... Loose dogs in the street though, still have a long way to go with that (and no, I doubt it will ever happen. I like my body too much for that ;) ).
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
the meme
I thought about the meme from ComeHunter (Alyssa) for a long time (ok, three days)... then I decided that I probably won't do any better with longer time to ponder. I don't like short things... I am a fan of Graham Greene and Kafka but I seem to be more of a three row sentences kind of girl.
So, without further ado - I think this is what it's going to be:
Of course, I could've mentioned something about feminist, female and the idea of science and work place... but that wouldn't fit in 10 words. I guess I think I am more complex sometimes. (or wordy. duh) Or it's just all venting... venting... and more thinking, dreaming and hoping...
(and ellipses... always too many of those)
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