[An added comment since this post is apparently all about me "feeling jealous and realising that I will never be loved as much as a man being willing to marry me and think of me being worthy of diamond ring". Well, I guess I am disturbed about the fact that a small part of me wants the bling jewellery and thinks at times that it all means that it is all great and that my life would be wonderful and story wise happy ending etc etc etc.
Then I remember that life isn't quite a Cinderella fairy tale; it's not about "who has the biggest ring is loved the most aka materialistic things as proof of love and friendship" (duh) and most of all - I don't aspire to be only a pretty face that men fight duels over (I want a brain too...). But when I am silly enough to do go on the bling train [I thought about saying 'the crack train'] at a Friday night and watch some shows with special commercials about "soon it's Valentine's day and you need to buy the bling for your honey" and some other extremely bad shows "don't feed the monster"^: I guess I only have myself to blame?
Anyhow, I thought about deleting this post but figured that I'll add this instead and let more people read the rant than made someone annoyed enough to call me fairly dull names and implying that I would have been happier not with a PhD (I know, I shocker to say to a childless woman in her 30ies) but being thinner and more of a "real" woman and a mother. Then "maybe a man would have made me a happy wife ages ago and I would've gotten the things I now look down at". Yeah... thanks for the encouragement and for reminding me why I am not as wrong as I thought two hours ago...
^why do some women find it soooo easy to spend someone elses money and at the same time pout when they don't get their way? Seriously, they are all over 20 years old and still do pouting for real, and make threats (yes, like "you won't be getting anything for a long time if I don't get that one!"]
original post>
It's clear to me at certain times why I don't watch certain TV shows at certain channels when I do end up at prime time with a popular show.What I am talking about.
"Every kiss begins with..."*
"What's a umphs letter word for he loves me.... he went to...." **
"I remember this place.... not this one (voice over: now she'll always remember this place)"***
And all these commercials, every time there is a commercial break at least one of them come on. And every one of them states this "if he truly loves he, you'll get diamonds"**** (and if you don't get anything, he doesn't love you).
And people wonder why I fret about shit? yeah... let's wonder. What ever happened to a flower? Kiss? Happy times together? No, let's build debt together....*****
*K... jewellery store
** Jarods - jewellery galleria
*** K again (I don't know if there are any more diamond stores here in the US... my guess is that these two buy all the ones from Sierra Leone and other nice places in the world where people die, live in poverty and have corrupt governments but as long as we women get our precious stones from the men who supposedly loooooove us, then we're good. [slight irony here as well]
**** if I was a man, I guess I could get a Lexus/BMW/whatever other car that screams "I'm sooo rich and blingy". OH wait, that was what some women got from their husbands for Christmas.... according to commercials...
***** I'm not all together against gifts. But I would love to see some kind of "real" affection concepts and not only "be thin, beautiful, successful and flawless" but I guess that's my fault from actually watch TV or not being totally secure in my own right (but it's hard sometimes, I'm sorry). And I should've been better to write this with a more of a feminist angle and interpretation as I have been trained to do.
Well, this is my blog and not an academic paper for me to get an A at (then I would've moved into a discussion about why our society makes it a point of having women compete about who picked the best man to provide for them and assure them of their status in society. This, something that is an old fashioned and still viable course to assure themselves of power, since most female power still comes from being associated with a very powerful (and/or rich) man. Men would like to show off a woman as their mate, whom their peers would find interesting yet possible for the man to control, as well as being a support for the power. This would've been the starting point ;) then we could have moved into the area of female value as bearing children and acquiring an heir and some spares...)
11 comments:
Someone called you names and said you'd be happier without a PhD? Seriously???
Yes. someone took the time to write a slightly long comment about "how women like I just needed to get laid..." and moved on into the whole "if you would've been a good woman you would've been married with babies and not PhD and then you would've been much happier and understood the value of gifts and diamonds for your dear husband."
Guess I should've kept the comment but there were too many expletives and rude things in the evening for me to have the patience to have the comment here. (although, it's not the first time someone has said it... but first time as an anonymous commenter here)
Sounds like someone has been listening to too much Dr. Laura!
Because we all know that diamonds aren't the answer to happiness, it is instead being barefoot and pregnant and having your man take care of you.
Ahh, a girl can dream! Bah!
I'm sorry you have to deal with rude commenters. Sounds like they may have their own issues, and maybe a little PhD envy!
Seriously?!? I'm just shocked and in WTF mode. I'm sorry that someone wrote that comment to you.
And I agree about those commercials. I'm not a big jewelry fan and it always bothers me that society equates love with bling.* Shouldn't love be about times together and meaningful gifts? Not just crass materialism.
*Not that bling is inherently bad (well, there may be some moral complications with the unethical diamond practices, but that's not what I'm trying to get at here). It's more that people always look at me with such pity-- like he must not love me that much-- when I mention something that Dr. Man bought me that I prefer much more than bling.
I'm so sorry about your idiot commenter. Guess there's not much one can do about the nutcases out there.
I'm not into jewelry either. I have a bunch of jewelry I received from relatives for my wedding (in my culture, it's common to give money or jewelry as wedding gifts) that have been sitting in a safety deposit box since the wedding. I'd much rather have chocolate! :-)
One thing to keep in mind about those commercials is that they are attempts by companies to get people to buy their product and one way to do that is to make people think that buying jewelry is what everyone is doing. Doesn't mean that's necessarily an accurate reflection on society at large. I know lots of people who show their love by other means.
Labmom: I know. "try not to listen too much to Dr Laura" :) As I said, it's not the first time but maybe the first time in a long time on line at least..... ah well, I'll live.
Amanda: I was a bit annoyed and tired on the Friday when it happened, although I wasn't too surprised...
Yuor comment on the bling thing, my point exactly. It's the "sad look: oh.... poor thing, he didn't get you what we all know you really want..." As always, I should remember not to care about moronic comments like that. And as always, I tend to get stressed just a bit anyway...
MH: i know, they want to sell things. They want you (me) to be in the wheel and run like a good little hamster. Sometimes I get lost and start running.. :) It's fun when you have the option of jewllery, but alas - I have relaised that I might be a bit unfun since I don't dress up that often to wear the things I do have. Mostly because I feel a bit weird to wear it with "common lab clothes" ;)
My problem is the shoes. I like really comfortable shoes...like tennis shoes. Those don't go well with diamonds! :-)
Your rude commenter sucks. Sorry you had to read that.
I'm with you on those commercials. The cultural expectations and equating the strength of someone's affections with the amount of money they spend are just crazy.
When Mr E Man took me shopping for my engagement and wedding rings, I could barely stand to be in those stores. The salespeople seemed to assume that I wanted the biggest diamond that Mr E Man said was in our budget (they obviously asked him rather than me), when in fact I just wanted a small, nice quality, Canadian diamond* in a nice setting that wasn't the standard solitaire. And they all gushed all over me, which was just so weird! I mean I was excited to be getting married, but I'm just not into the girly girl "diamonds are a girl's best friend" stuff.
The best present Mr E Man has got me so far was to agree that we could adopt our kitties :)
*Yes, I know there are environmental and native land rights issues with the Canadian diamond mines, but at least the money doesn't go to warlords. Also it has a teeny tiny polar bear engraved on it that you can see under a magnifying glass).
I'm obviously way late with my comment, but I am just catching up.
First of all, sorry about the shitty commenter.
Second, people really don't know what the hell they are talking about and commercials are aimed at generic cattle-type people. If you don't follow the herd, it's not really going to apply to you anyway.
I'll use myself as an example. My husband and I got married 11 years after we started dating. During the last 7-8 years, I got a lot of sad looks from other women who would tell me things like, "Hang in there, he'll ask you," or "Why don't you just give him an ultimatum," or "Why do YOU think he hasn't asked YOU to marry him after ALL this time." Poor you.
What these people didn't know is that I was the reason we weren't getting married. I wasn't ready. I wanted to get further along in my career and I had bigger dreams for myself than getting hitched and procreating. (At present time, almost all of these people are divorced with kids.)
Anyway. What was important to me is that my husband respected my wishes and we waited until getting marries was the right thing for both of us and you can't buy that at Kays or Jareds.
Also commenting late but I just want to chip in that I would actually be rather disappointed if hubby wouldn't care to think of getting me something different from what *everybody else* is getting... Roses, diamonds, chocolates etc. is the easy, unpersonal way out....
Cath: it¨s all about "that's how much he thinks you're worth.... duh ;)
MXX: oh, I hear what you are saying there. The pity looks. Don't you just love em.
Lisbeth: I agree to some extent. I don't want stuff only on valentine's day. I don't want a HUGE boqet of flowers just because... but I'm a sucker for smaller things during the year... as small tokens... r texts... and I do like some flowers. that said, it hasn't happened in a long while but I am fairly happy anyway :) Come to think of it, I miht be a har dperson to give things just because I like lots of things?!
Post a Comment