I think I will really try to adapt to the "Gordian knot" approach. The more I think about it, the more it is clear that there is something to be said about some of these things.... no more "why?" or "maybe they did because of...". Just simple; solve the problem as lying before you, and don't worry about loose ends.*
I'm the first to say that I am prone to take on the 'Sherlock approach' (i.e. proper deduction) and try and deduct from certain observations... However, I'm probably not as observant, nor impartial/unemotional, as Sherlock and therefore my deductions are more likely to be off and slightly wrong. Not to mention that sometimes even Sherlock made things a bit too complicated. Most often, I have realised, people aren't that complicated - they "just do" things.... without that much thought behind (avoiding a difficult situation, emotional outburst, just not liking it... no real thought there, merely instinct and being slightly cowardy maybe?)
No, there is something to be said about "looking at the situation and not trying to explain, rationalize or deduct anything but take it at face value". It is what it is, and you make your action after that. No more, no less.
No more Diplomacy moves (strategy game based on knowing when to stab your ally in order to concer the whole of Europe). No more pseudo-psychology studies. Just, I see B and therefore I will do C. (One could be tempted to start asking "why did B come up at all" but see, that is the thing I will start trying to avoid. According to my sources, the "why" is a entangled web that in the end, might not make you much more happy anyway... the situation is there and the action needs to be taken. "Why" is a sub-important thing.)
I will say though, that avoiding asking the "why", and tumble down that road, is without doubt going to be my main obstacle. After all, I love trying to make sense.... and usually need the why in order to understand what happened. But as it's been said before: some actions don't make sense, and even if they do - that's not the problem. The problem is what happened and what you will do in response". And for that, you probably don't need to know "why it happened in the first place" for many occasions.
Focus on the action, not the feeling?! Yeah, I might need some luck there.
*so witty in the morning
3 comments:
This is so something I struggle with. Every sentence I'm overanalyzing and thinking "what did they REALLY mean when they said that?" I'm trying to do what you are, just take things at face value and move on. I can never really know someone's motivations, so I try to take them as literally as possible and move on. It's a struggle for me as well, I really am tempted to question something again and again. Run the same words through my mind and think about it over and over again. I try to remember that as humans we're all really selfish and self-focused, so if someone says something about you, chances are they didn't put a lot of thought into it. They're more interested in what you think of THEM then in what they think of you. They're "image" of you is probably a lot more hazy and unformed than what you imagine they think.
Even thought that Crucial Confrontations book I posted about yesterday didn't teach me much, there was one great section called The Fundamental Attitude Error. Basically, we tend to blame incidents on character traits rather than the actual circumstance (i.e., that person did that because they're selfish/mean/dishonest/stupid instead of finding the real reason).
If we can get out of doing that and find the real problem, we can handle situations far easier because it is no longer a personal thing (blaming it on a personal trait just makes us angry and think there's nothing we can do about it).
I've been trying to use that idea in my everyday life: that person cut me off in traffic not because they're stupid, but simply because they didn't check their mirror. Or, that person is being aggressive not because they're an ass, but because they're feeling that someone is trying to take over their work.
Anyway, it's an interesting idea that's probably dead on. I mean, if we think about what others must think of us, we hope that they realize we don't try to upset them on purpose. That there is a real reason behind it.
FrauTech: "Run the same words through my mind and think about it over and over again." oh I hear you ;) I know, it's not a plan to start think too much. Face value would be a way to go.
Alyssa:It's an interesting though, that idea from the book. It might be a way.... although, for me I think trying not to think too much at all might be the best ... ^^ but it's spot on "you can't do anything about why did do what they do". Just try and not take it on anything we do to them, they might've done it anyway.
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