Lars and the real girl

In the midst of some stress and work stuff (unbloggable) I ended up in front of “Lars and the real girl” last night. I cried a lot. I got laughed at, a smaller, little laugh since it was quite strange to cry about a movie that could be quite pathetic and a mistake. I guess I cried mostly because of the fear in Lars, the fear to love and allowing to be touched, was so great that he made himself in a safe place with an inflatable doll. Like a small child, having a close relationship with a doll or an imaginary friend. The safe relationship becasue you decide what is going to happen, how you feel and that thing will not be able to abandon you (since it doesn’t exist). You can even go as far as making them leave you, thus enable yourslef to grieve for their “leaving you but you have to pick up the pieces and go on”. Like a controlled impact that you know will happen but it is much easier to handle if you know when it will come.

I have a friend who has a feature like that. He has never broken up with a girl friend, in his words. The girl friends have always broken up with him. Even though he maybe didn’t want the relationship - the girls have walked away feeling like they broke up with him. Leaving him able to be “the sad one” and dwelling in the pool of emptiness and abandonment. (I realise now that I might be overexaggerating at the moment, that happens early in the morning with less boundaries.) Anyhow, the movie reminded me of my friend, some other friends and of teen-me. Emo is the new word for gothic was then I guess? Red wine, poetry and gothicism. In the movie, the whole town is trying to help Lars, by accepting the doll (Bianca) as a real person.... therefore, accordingly to the Doctor in the movie, help him somehow work with his delusion.

I guess what really made me laugh was when the priest sits down with the family and close friends of Lars to discuss what they should do. “What would Jesus do” the priest asks. (It was one of the more clear comical parts of the movie, other than that I would say it was less comical and more.... maybe drama?) Jesus would of course never condem but only love. Even if the person is somehow not really there...

It also reminded me of “Happyness”. A very strange movie that I can’t state that I like or not. It was there. It was disturbing. It got me thinking. And it sure was a very wierd movie. Like some independent movies are. Although, they are not bad just because they are weird. The weird is just the word for me to describe them, like 'disturbing' it just means that I need to think and process them.

With that, I need to go back to work. Trying not to be a basket case of emotions induced to tiredness and stress, stop the crying and look yet again as the successful post doc who has everything under control and being quite sane (the Swedish proverb I'm thinking about would translate into “having all horses in the stable”, sounds much more fun, but I have no idea what it would be in English. "All ducks in a row?").

(this is what happens when I listen to my you dear readers who state it is much more fun to read posts from the venting/stressed/nonbalanced post doc :) )