Got the question last week and have been thinking about it on and off during the weekend. “Why don’t you look more ‘womanly’ when you are work?” And “Why don’t you say that you are a real woman as much as you repeat ‘I am not the typical woman”.
Well, the last statement is easier to answer than the first. (I just don’t fit the typical woman box, not when it comes to attitude, interests and work. I do like buying shoes but I can’t be bothered with home decorating. I want to work rather than being a stay at home wife. I like talking about politics and philosophy. I do kickboxing for the fighting skills, not the aerobics. I probably should care more about my exterior side when it comes to make up and hair dos…. I definitely talk too much and voice my opinions in discussions about thing. Und so wieter…)
Both of the questions however, move into the field of “Why would I be interested in being viewed as a woman when I am at work?” (Or even always in society). Will I be treated better/differently if I had more so called womanly clothes and appearance (skirts, low cut tops, high heels, make up)? I have a nagging feeling that I am being blocked by some old references from my past in why I would like to be considered a scientist rather than a female scientist almost every day… on the other hand I do value my personal as a woman, but maybe only as you know me as X and then I am also a woman?! I am not just X – the woman, since that would lead to that diminished look as I tend to find when it comes to other women (real ones) who are good looking and sexy but almost never considered having a brain and be respected for that.
I am scared that the old saying “beauty or brains” is true. Like the PSB song ‘Opportunities’ “You’ve got the looks, I’ve got the brains, let’s make lots of money!” But I’ll admit it; I’d love to be wrong. I’d love to be able to be considered smart and good looking etc…
I guess it might be a slight problem that I’m not sure what is considered to be ‘womanly’ if it isn’t sexy. And that is just sad. Is it really that easy? Woman = boobs and good looks and then the “get taken care of by the strong man” is the following thing?
I really need to have this talk with someone. Any suggestions or thoughts will be most appreciated since I do feel a little confused by this all.
Time for primers...
8 comments:
Bah.
Bah bah bah bah.
You are surrounded by neanderthals. It is time to leave. Why the hell should it make a difference what you look like while you are working? Why the hell should you have to live up to others' expectations of a 'woman'. THis patriarchal claptrap pisses me off.
I can't believe they even asked you that. Just tell the stupid bastards to fuck off.
*grrr*
First of all YOU HAVE BEEN IN AMERICA FOR TOO LONG! They are dragging you down into their swamp of cemented gender inequality. You must flee for your life!
Second of all you are more than welcome to download my pics for personal use :)
Thirdly we have discussed it and are fairly certain that several Scottish universities would love to have you.
BK> Thanks! I guess you have a point ;) but really, I am curious about the "woman" thing, as in what is considered to be a woman (since here the notion is definetly more of the "50ies" or Southern belle you know?!).
Cirkux> yes, I guess it sneaks up on me and before I know it I have 'adapted' myself into a real thinking Southern belle who wants to stay at home supporting my rich and powerful husband, or not.
Have saved some of the pics. They are lovely! And I'll think about the unis... don't think so but you never know...
Yes, definitely it's a Southern thing. Out in San Francisco or Boston they look at you weird if you come to lab in anything not unisex (meaning, T-shirts, sweats, jeans, shorts, sneakers). France is a little more diverse - some women wear makeup, most don't (me, included). Sometimes nice shoes, sometimes sandals (a big lab no-no for security, but when you've just painted your toenails...) Like BK, I'm sort of shocked anyone put the question to you.
I know a gorgeous U.S. Southern researcher if you want to prove to anyone that you can have beauty AND brains - Kathy Sulik, southern bell e to the fingertips. She's really as pretty as her photo, here: http://www-cellbio.med.unc.edu/grad/depttest/sulik.htm
I know plenty of other examples but she's the one who impressed me most by being that successful in both domains.
Then again, not all of us women who had kids while they conduct a career in science did so through parthenogenesis - we must have looked sexy to *someone*...
Err.. I meant while *we* conduct careers. Not that we're giving birth to genius sons and daughters.
I wouldn't even think of performing a phenol chloroform extraction in anything less than high heels and pearls. And I always get a fresh perm before bacterial lysis...
Be careful...that "typical woman" might only exist in your imagination. No woman, no matter how typical she is, strives to be typical.
I was obsessed with this topic for a spell, and went around asking my female colleagues how they thought of themselves, that is, what definition came first when asked "What are you?"...Almost all of them thought of themsleves as scientists first, then women, then mothers, then their religion...When I asked myself the question, I was not at all surprised to hear myself reply "Hungry."
Audra> I am not sure that I understand your warning about the typical woman... I just tried to vent and ask about the feeling recieved by me in the lab and the department regarding women and clothes etc.
I realise that this is more of a 'southern' thing but still my reality at the moment.
I still however, think this is interesting seeing I am yet to find a reason why it should be good for me to percieve an image of 'woman' in the research environment?!?
Alethea>Thanks for being the 'umpieth' person to tell me that I have been indoctrinated if only for a year with this strange notion of women etc. Don't misunderstand me, I really have met some of the most wonderful people down here... it is just some of the others that are real male chauvenists.
And the link! THANKS!! I now have, not only an example, but some hope in general. Means a lot.
I reckon I was replying to the comment made by your co-worker that you frequently claim not to be a "typical woman"...I didn't mean any criticism, since I myself say that quite frequently. However, I have come to realize that by saying that, I am sterotyping others to assert my individuality.
Right or wrong, good or bad, humans value beauty. Of course, the definition of what is beautiful is entirely subjective and therefore falls under the auspices of opinions, and opinions cannot (or should not) be argued. However, in most cultures femininity is synonymous with beauty. Discussing the reasons for that would take a few hours and a couple of bottles of wine.
Is it necessary to be a feminine beauty to be good scientist? Absolutely not!! Unfortunately, one can go far as a mediocre scientist if one is beautiful (and by the way, not only male chauvenists are guilty of preferring pretty people). But, time and gravity are great equalizers, and when we are all old, a good brain and a pleasant disposition is far more valuable than a big rack.
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