Sometimes, just sometimes, I get so blasted tired of people. Certain people that is.
I mean, I know that I look sort of young and especially since there is no ring on the finger, nor kids in the family, and that I smile and giggle sometimes. But seriously, I need to go back to the more morose and "dressed up woman" rotiune in order to get some things that others get automatically.
I don't like flaunting my title. Especially not to people I work with, and who work for, me and personally I have a problem asking an older woman who cleans my office to call me "Dr LastName" when I call her her first name, and then she can call me "chall" (first name) and we are chatting away. It just doesn't sit right with me to ask someone (especially) older and nice to go with Title. So, we're in the clear.
It's other people who doesn't necessarily get that. You know the meetings when all the male doctors are referred to as "Dr X" and "Dr K" and then it goes to "chall", P and R - and you can see some notes from the meeting and see this. And when (if) you call it, some people will start mumbling "oh, she really thinks that's needed. Such a girl behaviour, getting her panties in a twist about something like that". Well, you know what? If the shoe fits.... and I worked darned hard for that title, therefore go with "Dr Panties-in-a-twist" if that makes it easier?!
And the funniest part - once it is out that I have this title - it automatically makes me older and that gives me some more respect since apparently I am not "fresh out of high school"... (since that is something added onto the "experience account" and therefore gives me more respect... Dr G had something to say about this in a blog post a week ago but I won't go into that now).
Me? I always get surprised that the other part of the equation (the part I use to think matters more than anything almost) is forgotten and not taken into account. I moved across the bleeping world! You think that would count for something in the "experience" account and maybe indicate that I am not as young as they might think?
Ah well, now it is weekend and I will go do what Americans do best - shopping ;) And probably be called Maam all the time, which I sort of like since that is all women over 19 here in the Southern city I live in, and not the more "younger" Miss... (as I go on the West Coast when I was there on vacation last year).
Note: Part of this confusion or reluctance of being called "Dr Last Name" would be that in my country of origin, we are great fans of "first name" basis and not "paying too much attention to titles since we are, after all, equal"... this cultural difference (title calling in general) might be one of the biggest things I've tried to adapt to in post-doc city). I'm trying at least.
best,
Ms Chall, PhD ;)
8 comments:
it's simple. In polite society you don't address ANYONE by their Christian name until they tell you that you can. i.e. it is Mr., Miss, or Mrs to me until you tell me differently.
see, that's what I assume too.
It's the difference between the dr X and "first name" in the same document that I got really twisted about though... ah well, same story - polite society and all.
Rather comically I've just sent of a letter of complaint to a website whose compulsory registration allowed me the choice of 'Mr' or 'Mrs'. As I am neither I decided that complaining was the best option. I would have accepted Miss or Ms, this isn't about being Dr, rather just about acknowledging that not all women are married.
Yeah I think this is subterfuge by your colleagues, perhaps subconscious though. I noticed the same thing on meeting minutes here. We don't have doctors, but it was , , , for the attendees. I sort of wonder if it isn't some secretarial throwback. If you're important around here you get called by both first and last name. As a woman watch you don't become someone's "girl" from the 1950s, regardless of what position you are actually in.
Luckily, everyone at my work is on a first name basis. Being the only one in the room not being called Dr Lastname would make me soooo mad. (And I'm usually the one taking minutes - in the scientific discussions anyway - so I can refer to people however I choose!)
just read your post. I have the same problem- I'm young-looking (even though I'm in my 30s). I think it's because I'm on the shorter side and thin - people just assume you're young and stupid. and just the other day, our safety officer (who is crazy, officious and over-controlling came into the lab while I was doing some PCR and said "Girl, you need to wear a labcoat while you're in the lab". Not "girl" in a "hey girlfriend" kind of way; "girl" in a "you're a stupid little girl: kind of way. It took all my self-control to not say "I'd prefer it if you addressed me as Dr. Gxxxx."
Propter Doc: really? that's just wrong (in my book anyway). Especially since Mr doesn't say anything about marital status... and yeah, I agree, the should¨ve rather made you choose between Mr and Ms (again, my opinon since that is only male or female). One could ask what the point was with the whole thing - unless Mr, Mrs, Ms, Miss or Dr....
FrauTech: probably the old "we didn't think about it". Unfortenately, that only makes me more annoyed. And yes, the coffee thing or notes are something to look out for - at least to make a point "it's not because I am a girl but because I can take notes" or something like that...
cath:yes.... that is the power of taking notes. I do the same thing when I am taking notes. I guess it's mainly to think about it?!
Anon: I wonder how much it has to do with "looking young" and the perception. I know part of my "problem" is that where I am at the moment, it is strange (unregular) for a woman above 30 to be unmarried and /or without children. they tend to just assume that I am younger since I am without kids and not having a ring on my finger.
...and I think I would've stared the safety officer and said "I'm Dr Chall, your name is???" ... since I am turning into a bitch about it ;)
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