It's more obvious this time, I'm a grown up. A real one*.
Why? Because I can hold my temper in check? Because I can do things I don't really want to do. Because I can remember that I do things for other people? Because I want to make some peope happy?
Or just because I have money now when I am not a gradute student.... nor a post doc (although, I was paid fairly OK according to me... and had retirement benefits... and vacation...and sick leave.. still though, not without flaws).
It's a lot of feelings this trip back. Interesting is one word to describe it. Revelations is another. And here I thought I had had bunch of them before and nomore needed to come round soon... busted!
By far the most common words? "When are you moving back home**?"
By far the most thoughts in my head? "How about you get a life" (not really true, the thoughts are more in the lines of.... "Maybe be happy about the wonderful benefits and stuff you guys get here and take for granted and whine about")
Let's see if I can get back to the place I now call home soon.... it's all about ash and flights ;) I miss my bed.
*some of the people here would argue since I still have no offspring, nor a wedding ring... but alas, for some people you can never make it all perfect.
** home = back to the roots... here would be another word to use.
8 comments:
Ah, hope that you get back to the place you now call home soon. Going back to the people and place of origin is always a mixed bag (at least for me!)
Thanks.
Yes, very mixed bag. I can honestly say that I feel very confused and somewhat conflicted about lots of things. I guess (early) midlife crisis could be one way of describing it?!
Hope you get back home safe!
And I wish there was an easy answer to the people who ask the "when are you coming back" question. I loath that question. It has so many different layers to it too
Mixed and conflicting emotions typify my non-frequent-enough visits back to my home country (where all my family lives).
At first it feels like coming home, but two weeks in and I start to feeling homesick. Even the times when boyfriend came with me I was happy to get back to our little apartment and kitties. That is not to say that I was not happy to be with my family, just that it is complicated.
Sometimes going home is like going home.
Sometimes it just reminds you how far you've traveled since you left.
Nina: yes, it's a bit less easy to answer than they seem to think?!
Dr GF: exactly. complicated. It's not my home anymore, but the place "I grew up in" and my own home is very nice too.... hm.
Cath: there is that too. I can totally feel like I have at least grown away from where i lived as a teenager, and not just the emotional teen angst ;)
Chall, sorry for jumping in but: Cath, I'm soo going to 'steal' that expression of yours!
It's an excellent description of how I feel and something I'm mostly only confronted with when I do indeed go 'home' (which ever one of them that might be).
Chall, I hope you have made it through the ashes now and find that coming home to your chosen place is indeed truly *home*.
Some people may never understand that your definition of home may have changed. Nostalgia aside, I hope you like your new home!
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