After a long weekend of nice relaxing time (and somehow avoiding doing anything useful apart from some cooking and dashing into work for a short hour or so) I find myself in lab for a long week stretching over 10 days. I was presented last week with a graduate student who stepped by my office and asked “since you seem so focused at your work and liking it* – could you help me out maybe?”. It turns out that the graduate student isn’t happy at all. The graduate student isn’t sure s/he wants to continue, if there is “any worth in it since s/he wakes up in the middle of the night with anxiety attacks” and most of all “doesn’t really see the end since the advisor doesn’t think it will be done within the year”.
I sat there and listened to the venting and thoughts. I tried to start with the everlasting “I know, I have been there too” and tried explain (not the best word, maybe correlate?) that it is nothing strange that you would feel this after being a graduate student for X years. The main difference between the graduate student and myself (my former graduate student self might be more accurate to say) came when I tried to explain where I came from and started with “I knew that I wanted to finish”. This graduate student didn’t know if s/he really thought it was worth it. “It’s not going to be my key job interest anyway”. Huh. Especially in reagards to my recent trip back and keeping up with my former fellow graduate students and what they do now, I really did not know what to say... (apart from a "are you sure this is not because it feels right now as if you aren't going to finish?")
Well, I think we had a good chat from the graduate student’s perspective but from mine…. I don’t know. I realized Saturday (not to mention Monday morning when I stepped into the lab) that the main difference between being a graduate student and being a post doc [for me] is that the former is aiming for the coveted PhD title and that is the finishing line of the hard labour. The post doc however, has a more elusive finish line… and now that I think of it, I can’t really tell what mine is. The next paper? The (assistant) professorship that I am not sure I covet anymore? The new experiment I start next few months?
Personally, I have recently dreamt of a 9-5 hour job and some connection between experiments and writing things… Needless to say, my post doc might not be the straightest way to this job. On the other hand, as so many people have said in this time, due to the economic reality as well as other things as life in general, the straightest way isn’t always what you need or what you get. Not to mention the fact that I like my post doc at the time. I want to see where my experiments end up and want to write my papers for them.
I just know I have to remember to keep one thought on the future and be proactive about assessing my strengths and improvements if I am ever going to get that “other job”.
The graduate student? Well, s/he said they wanted to talk to me some more as well as going to see a therapist in order to see if there is something more to this “thought process” than tired grad nerves.
*if nothing else, I look like I am enjoying my lab time since people find me both focused and liking my job... I can't say they are wrong at the moment, it is interesting times.
6 comments:
That is true. A lot of what keeps me motivated is the idea of eventually finishing. Sigh.
the straightest way isn’t always what you need or what you get.
Too damned true!!
LadyScientist> yes, I know the feeling. It gets more scary when one has to think about "what to do the rest of my life" afterwards ;)
Tidy> I knew I would find some truth somewhere :)
On that note, I'll need and go to a career seminar... woho... or not.
Glad you're finding things interesting and enjoyable right now!
It's very true that there is no obvious finishing line for a postdoc. I work best towards defined deadlines and goals, so I switched to thinking in terms of the next paper. In non-research jobs, it gets harder and harder to identify the right goals to work towards...
CAth: yep, I figured as much. Guess one has to be happy where you are right now and find other ways to look for the future (and measure that success thing?)
"The post doc however, has a more elusive finish line… and now that I think of it, I can’t really tell what mine is."
That sums up the difficulty so well! As a post doc we haven't really 'arrived' yet, but the finish line isn't defined either. No wonder so many of us feel lost along the way!
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