It isn’t really that bad, promise! I just decided at 10 am that I was going for Friday drinks later on tonight and asked some colleagues if they wanted to join in. Funny enough plenty said oh gosh yes!
It will be the start of a weekend off (note; just need to ask someone to remove plates tomorrow so I don’t have to get in). I feel slightly bad of actually planning to take 64 hours off work, but then again I am sure I will make it up somehow. (Hey, experimental cycles start next Monday for another 20 days…. So yeah, not too long time off.)
Anyhow, I was contemplating a thing I ran into earlier this week that I have been trying to grasp since. I got thrown a “juicy”* stories that I had missed had been “all over the last couple of months”. I am a bit ambivalent talking about it, since it concerned real people and real lives but it still boggles and bothers me so...
Let’s just say I understand that you may feel attracted to one of your colleagues (I mean, you probably see them more than your partner if you are a post doc anyway) but to sleep with them while your partner is working in the same Department? Not to mention that there is this age-old (oh God I am so tired of seeing it everywhere) thing that the man is tenured and at least 15 years older and the women is… yes, you guessed it, working in his lab. I mean, I am trying not to go all ballistic, right-wing-conservative-all-young-women-are-sluts-and-all-older-men-are-pigs but it still rubs me wrong. He is her boss for f's sake. And this is science and being a post doc is a temporary position where you need your PI in the future, right? (and a whole lot other things on top of that.)
But hey, at least I am not in that Department. It’s not affecting me. Not like the person I know, who is working in said Department and has had a bunch of awkwardness for awhile…. It’s not a nice, friendly atmosphere any longer, go figure?! Collaborations aren't really running smooth between the labs. I should just be able to walk away and not think too much about it. It is just one little thing…. I don’t understand [how she would dare do it]. (Him, I don’t relate to as much since I am not a 50+ tenured male professor cheating on my wife…) As I heard this story it flew my head “wow, either she is extremely brave or just stupid. There is no way I would dare mess up my professional life like that.” (Not that I would want to either, but that is beside the main point here. I am simply trying to figure out why I have been giving this so much thought and what I wanted the Head of the Department to do – ethics and affecting others etc.)
So, what I am having trouble grasping is how this is working out in the head. The idea that I would sleep with my boss is really very far away. And it has nothing to do with him per se. (See, I would think I would argue the same thing even if it was some gorgeous hunk/Nobelprizewinner/whomever you think of.) I wouldn’t know what that would lead me apart from being cast into a cess pit of rumors (we all know how little the world of science is), gossip, negative trash talk and what-you-know. I don’t think it reflects too good on the professor either but in all earnest – I think the older you are, the better you can get out of this one. And of course, it is fairly obvious that I don’t think “oh it is love and then you don’t get anything out of it” since I have a slight feeling that I would really make sure it was nothing to do with my position before I started this “true love” thing. (Let’s not go into my view of the “true love” and cheating, that is really beside the point here but yes, I see the small hints of cynism too.)
Anyway, I just wanted to share a tidbit of why I feel the need of a drink and having a nice weekend off work in a house far far away from work. Now I just have to convince my bacteria to grow fast enough so I can shock them and plate them before 5 pm! Grow babies, grow!!
*this is how one of the not-so-close-people described it to me. Had she known some of my history, I am sure she wouldn’t really use the word juicy about adultery/cheating….ah well, it’s just a word, right?
7 comments:
So, what I am having trouble grasping is how this is working out in the head.
I'm surprised that PhysioProf hasn't beaten me to it ... these people clearly aren't thinking with their heads!
haha - I'm not sure he reads my blog ;)
but yeah, that would solve lots of things.... not thinking... but don't you have to?!?!
Yup, PiT's comment just about sums it up. People, I think, are more stupid than we expect them to be and have a way of rationalizing things to themselves that really make no sense (and, like this, are potentially harmful).
Just be glad it's not you (in the department, I mean).
Saw this on the phone first, was wondering why you wanted a drink at 10 am, now I see!
This sort of thing has, unfortunately, gone on forever, though in older times it was not in science since women were hardly in science. Yeah, no one is thinking - or they are thinking that no one knows or will know, that they can have everything they want (cake and eat it too), that they won't get caught... same ole same ole.
Too bad it's affecting your lab and work some.
SGG: I am glad it is not my department at all. Nor any collaborators. regarding the brain.... yes, I guess you can't expect professors to thinks??
SF> I know, I just got a bit surprised that it was so "known" -aka not in hidden... then again, I am not sure it would make a difference. I am happy that it does not affect me at all (only a friend of mine who is in the department,....) Just one more thing to look out for in the future I guess ;)
Call me old fashioned but I don't think it is ever a good idea to get involved with someone you work with whether either party is married or not. These things tend to fall apart and then everyone has to deal with the snide remarks, crying or whatever. When one or both are married it just amps up the drama. I'm so glad you don't have to work there.
what's a problem?? it's their own biz! how can it really affect anyone? Besides, it may not be about thinking capability. If you crave it's hard to resist the temptation. I'm not saying it is the case, but it can be, why not?
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