...the future

“Aren’t you afraid sometimes? Or cry when you are alone? Or feel scared about the future?” I asked a [male] friend as well as post doc the other night. He just looked at me and simply stated, No why should I?

“Well, I just thought that other people cried sometimes. Or felt hesitant about the future?” Maybe I am not looking for the word hesitant as much as tentative, undecided, doubtful, cautious or uncertain but anyway – he still just looked at me as I was a strange species sitting next to him. He never cries when alone at home. Apparently he doesn’t feel anxious about the future either. Am I really that strange in this world? (Yes, this might be the biggest “please make a comment about it” I have written so far!)

I still understand that I might be in a bit of an unusual position at the moment although I have to say I have never been good with the whole “You’ve got the whole world in front of your feet and you can do whatever you like in the future”. Naha, too many choices for me. Too many chances of choosing the wrong thing. That is generally why I decide from the standpoint “I don’t like that and that so that leaves me with less choices…”.

All this back to the mind again yesterday when I an analysed my data with my PI and we looked at it together. Do I really think I will be able to become one of those PIs with independent research grants (weigh in the fact that I have never so far written a grant on my own) or, and this might be _the_ question, do I really want to become one?

Yes, the world is my oyster indeed. I can not comprehend I am arguing such a wonderful opportunity of making my own happiness. Or whatever, it is time for lunch and analysing some more. Need to present stuff at the group meeting today. Not much time left.

ttfn.