research and work

Things to do when you're dead... or not. Well, there are certainly things I would love to do, and then of course there are things I'd love to not do for the rest of my time here on earth... I have been postponing doing one thing for several weeks and now I realise that it might have been really stupid. Ah well, we'll see what happens after next Monday anyway. If people really stick to their promises or not.

There is also this thing about swiching seats from "knowing it all" to "please, I'm new with this", also known as "I suck at this and nothing really works - sorry for being so lousy at all this". Let's just say that I realise, again, that I am not a person that handles pressure and being new to things good. Pressure on it's own, fine. Not knowing things and always being new to things.. .nahh... combination sucks. I do not like the idea that people think I am lazy (especially when I have that nagging feeling that I have right now, knowing that I haven't worked really that hard as I could have but have really thought about other things and tried to live a life even though I started a new job). Partly this since I know that when I started my last job I really worked every day for a year, almost anyway -lets say 6 out of 7 days plus being at work long hours, and when I finally started working regular hours my boss asked me why I was slacking off... so, I kind of thought this time I would do it the other way around, or at least not presuming to be lazy once I have a so called "family life" here.

Well, family might be a bit strong to call it, but anyway. I won't talk about that here. Not now anyway.

So, I promised myself today that I wouldn't stick my head in the sand but rather take a bite at the things that scare me and really do them. It is now 30 min before "going home as I promised" and I haven't even started doing that... so, I guess I know what I'll do tomorrow.

Hopefully I will soon stop to have belly ache for bad results and look on life a little more happy. Guess this is why I question if my future really is in science... on the other hand, there is nothing more fun than to look at the results when you have had a theory that's been tested and you know something new and fun :) I just have to focus in that and remember, my phd time wasn't exactly easy and this is not even close to that... so, maybe I'll survive without being too crushed.

time to go.