being friends with co-workers?

First post of the new year, and it's already been a month... ah well, Lent is about to come by and wit that yet another good opportunity to "change the life and make promises". Right?! :)

I've been contemplating this "work and friends deal" the last couple of months. I've never been great with being "personal and private" with my co-workers. I tend to be a little on the distance side. Why? Because I'm not great with sharing my private and personal dealings (family issues, dreams and emotions) with people that I need to work with and need to work well with. My stance has for a long time been to try and keep it professional since sooner or later there will be people I work with whom I don't agree with on the personal/private side and since I can't stop working with them just "because I don't like them per se" I might as well be in the dark about it.

More importantly though, I'm bright enough to realise that it's mainly that I don't want me coworkers to realize that they really don't like me (the private/personal me, not the scientist and fixer that I am in work life). I'm scared of them rejecting me and the messiness of emotions* entering the work space and therefore I distance myself from it all.

Why is this an issue right now? Because the last year or two I've been immersed in this "leadership" programme and "coaching" thing (in moments of ego I view it as 'grooming for higher role') and a lot of it focuses on "you need to connect with your people", "be personable and private with them", "share private things so they get to know you and you them" etc.... I have a really hard time with it.

And then I have some new co-workers who puts me to the test. The socialize a lot outside of work. They help each other with child care, paint houses, hang out and watch football etc. They are chummy and know things about each other and their feelings. And now they want to include me in this. It's sweet. Don't get me wrong. I'm really happy that they want to do things with me outside of work. My issue? Did you read the second paragraph of this post? Exactly.

I would say one thing though - the cultural difference that is VERY obvious to me - is that back home we would DO things together. Perhaps go ice skating, or swimming or something like that. Not really have dinner at some one's house - unless you really liked and knew people. The culture here though is very tricky as in "there is a personal side that isn't too private but kind of feels private and personal". I don't even know how to explain it. It's like the American Southern culture is very kind and "let's visit together" (code word for hang out, drink some tea/drinks and talk for max 2h) at one's houses and yet at the same time there is no real private discussions or what I would call personal space. It's very interesting, yet extremely stressful for me.

Anyone has any thoughts about this? How do you socialize with your co-workers? Your bosses? Your former bosses?** Do you invite them to your house and hand out? Go to movies together?


* emotions in work space based on "I thought we were friends and why didn't you back me up in the meeting etc"... and similar things

**side note, I socialize very well with my former bosses and coworkers. it's a piece of cake. It's the current ones that give me the head ache in nervousness.