wives and their purpose...and goals

I recalled a conversation a few days back when I read the interesting, yet enormously sad, article The corporate wives’ club by Vicky Ward in The Financial Times.

A random quote just to being about the thing I recalled."She needs, above all, to understand The Deal. The Deal is that her life is about one thing only: him. She must be there at the end of the day, looking good, drink in hand, ready to pleasure him with witty conversation or in other ways. If not, she will be sacked. And since she will not have entered this relationship without having signed a pre-nuptial agreement, she knows exactly how she will be sacked and what assets she will be left with."

The conversation I recalled was more about the fact that I find it hard not to generalise and say "It is hard for a female PhD to find men that aren't threatened by the degree [ambition and determination]" as well as 'why would you marry a scientist with her own agenda and lots of work since even if you would like the family, the woman should be home'. I guess that is my first mistake. I wanted to have a family as well as a job. Not to say that I would like never to be home with my kids and only pursue my own career, gosh no, but (and this is the infamous but) I would like to have a job that I like and be able to share the responsibility of children with my husband. This is all a hypothetical argument at the time but still... paternity leave back home is 14 months shared by both mother and father so... the option is still huge and possible. Still, it is a mom’s world, even with the option... so either society has rules that will not be shifted too fast, or biology is a very strong thing that can not be overruled by silly thoughts of certain career hungry women.

Anyway, the other comment I have been brooding for a shorter while is that it is still considered to be a male thing, this sex need/drive . Same conversation, between two men, going on about the "need you have after a few months/weeks alone"... well... let me tell you a secret, not only you can have that. Women do to. The question, of which I am not going to tell ‘the answer’ or ‘the truth’, would rather be if women are less likely to "live the urge" than the men, since they can not hide behind the comfortable "I have needs you know, I am a man".

And I have this nagging feeling that this will be another of those things men do not really want to know. (Like the conversation a few while about what women say and what men say about the other gender… women are apparently more explicit than men when it comes down to it. Men tend not to want to discuss the whole ‘does size matter’. Most women I know don’t want to talk about their size or what men think about their size either… but that is of course another size.)

Going back to the article, it is on of those things that I am wondering about for real. What turn these men on? Personally I have a little problem finding a very handsome, yet nonambitious, nonworking, non-‘I have my own thing’ non-whatever self, that attractive and he wouldn’t really be my first choice in the marriage issue. I prefer men (one man) that have their own agenda, yet are interested in building something with me and can be vulnerable with me as well as the strong one to take care of me in case that happens… more of the “two can play that game” rather than one fixed role in the relationship. On the other hand, I am just going to shut up now. Obviously I have somewhat of a thing going on so maybe my need/wanting is just non-feasible?! I’ll leave this with this.

I do not, honestly, think that a relationship will ever be good for both individuals if the power is solely with one person, i.e. like the corporate wives thing, simply because I can not understand where the safety and trust would build on.